Getting wife to open up about fantasies?

My wife and I have been together for 22 years, and are very happy with a pretty good sex life (5x+/- a week).

My question is: how can I get her to open up about fantasies? It's not necessarily that I want her (or us) to follow through with them, I would just like to know how I can better pleasure her. I feel like if I have a better picture of what she fantasizes about, we can enjoy our lovemaking at a higher level.

The few times I have asked her about it, she says either she has none, or she only fantasizes about me. I suspect she is possibly embarrassed or afraid to share with me for fear that I may get jealous or upset.

She is a bit overweight (not obese), and in the past few years introduced various sexy outfits into her evening wardrobe, in addition to a collection of toys (vibrating, realistic, etc). She has become more comfortable with her body and we do enjoy our 'sessions', but I would love to bring it up a notch.

How can I approach the topic again and get a different response than I have in the past?

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How to handle lies

My husband and I have been together for 8 years this week. We have had a strange relationship as we married young and made young mistakes. In 2011 I caught him cheating and confronted him. He told me that he never had sex with her but it was a cry for attention. We decided to work through it and move on. A few months later we were pregnant with our child. Then the normal early baby stage happened. Now we are to here. A few months ago he began acting very strange and staying at a friends house overnight when he would work late and have to work early in the morn. I was told this person was a guy although I had never met him. I discovered that the person was not a guy and that he had been staying at another woman's house two and three times a week and that they were calling and texting each other multiple times a day. I confronted him with the information and he told me that he was renting a room from her and that he was planning on leaving me. I was floored I didn't see it coming at all. I knew our marriage was shaky but had no idea he was thinking this route. He started staying there more often and telling me that he wasn't sure if he really wanted it to be over and that we should date. I didn't feel that this was acceptable and told him I had no interest in him if he was going to hurt me like this. He freaked out and came home and told me there was nothing going on between them and that he wanted to work on things. I was willing to work on things with a few stipulations, no overnights with any one, no more texting calling this woman, and that we needed counseling. He agree to all terms and we went to counseling once. During counseling he swore nothing was going on between them and did say much of anything else. after the meeting he refused to go back saying the doc was a "quack". Since then he has started hanging out with a male friend of which I have not met. I have told him I want to meet this person and he says oh no prob lem but always has a reason of why we can't. This man he is hanging out with is the brother of a female co worker and in the past he told me they live together. When he and this guy started hanging out he told me that he had moved out and was living in his own place. He has asked to stay over night once or twice and has started doing it twice a week. I have become to be suspicious again and he is calling the female co worker often and texting her as well. I found out that he had lied to me about staying at the male friends house and has stayed at her house a couple of times because the brother "got to drunk to drive to his house and he was stuck". But he didn't tell me until I confronted him. He has lied to me about a party that he was invited to with her and her brother and said he didn't know about it in time for me to go, but knew early enough to sneak his bathing suit to the party, claiming that he borrowed a suit. He has told me in the past borrowing a bathing suit is l ike borrowing underwear and is gross, but told me he didn't take his suit and borrowed one. I have confronted him with the lies and he says i should have told you because nothing is going on and you would have been ok with it if I had told you, I don't know why I'm lying to you and I will work on it. But he is still calling this female co worker daily and asking to stay up there. I told him I am not comfortable with him staying any where because he is lying to me all the time and I can't trust him to do what he says he will do. I don't know what to do about the lies. He guards his phone like it is full of gold and when I ask to see it he gets very defensive and says I am intruding into his privacy. I don't want to end this relationship for multiple reasons, love, our son, and mostly love. But I can't go on like this, even when he is telling the truth I don't believe him. I feel like I have to be a detective to know anything about his life. He is constantly on his phone and w hen I sneak a peek at what he is doing he closes it or jumps to something else. I just need some advice on how to handle the lies and the possible other woman.

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Poor sex for last 2 years

Hi everyone! I am 33 and my wife is 35. We have been married for 4 years now. We never (rarely ever) had a satisfying sex for both of us. Now since we have our kid (2 yrs old) she is very stressful carrying for him and I totally understand. We sometimes go without sex for weeks. I want to start fixing problems before it becomes too big. I am absolutely VERY much attracted to my wife. Because of stress of our little one she seems to lose her libido and does not want to have sex often and I am exactly opposite. I know I am also at fault that when we try to have sex, I have problems with premature ejaculation and later I am shamed at myself and the thought of not satisfying her kills me all day. She seems to not care about it, but I do not want to take it easy. We love each other very much (at least I do for sure). I want to have long lasting sex so that I satisfy her (my primary goal). Thank you all in advance.

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I'm an idiot. Go easy please...

Met a beautiful woman a few years back from another country. It turned out that she had an ex from not far from where I live.
We married in her country but she always kept in touch with her ex. We both agreed to cut off all exes etc...
I managed to get her into my country (really hard work!) and all was well...
We've been here a couple of years now.
The ex still reappears occasionally. I've had all of the 'in love with two men' etc etc crap in the past but I thought it had been resolved.
A few months ago I looked at her phone and saw she had texted a friend, asking them to lie about where she was if I asked.
I confronted her, she lied.
I showed her the evidence, she said her ex needed to talk to her and was confused... She went to see him after the friend.
She has had an abusive relationship in the past and has always picked awful, lying guys - think snakes.
a couple of months ago she told me that the ex creature was outside our home playing loud music and she had told him to go away...
Recently, nothing I do is good enough. I look gay, walk gay, act gay, I'm lazy, do nothing, am a loser, ugly and apparently urinate down my leg(!)
For the record, I'm a decent looking guy and she's a decent looking woman.
I will say that she told me the jealous ex would say I looked gay etc though. He certainly does.
This was immediately before she went to visit a friend at the other end of the country for a weekend. That part at least was ok but in the back of my mind, I knew she could have gone somewhere else.
She no longer cooks, cleans, does dishes and is slow with washing etc.
It's all left to me.
I've hardly eaten in months which she says makes me unnattractive.
Phew.
After the far off visit, she started having girl nights.3 weeks back, she went overnight, the same city where her ex lives, with the girls.
She's done this a few times now, including mid-week.
Before she went to visit the friend, we had been together every single night apart from a couple of years back when she had gone and cheated on me for no reason. Apparently to make sure we couldn't be together etc etc.
She came back.
I figured out how to track iPhones.
A couple of times ago she said some guy had invited her to a restaurant at a hotel and, out of interest, wanted to know about the hotel...
A week ago she took a new job and had to go to that city for training.
She said she would call me when the training was over.
No call.
Her emails showed it finished at mid-day.
I tracked her.
She was at the same place as that hotel, then she went back to the place where she said her 'friend' that is a girl lives. Took me a long time to get a fake name out of her.
She texted, said she would be better staying overnight for more training the next day and I wasn't to think anything was wrong...
:rofl:
This weekend, she was going away with a girl she knows to her vilage. She went there last weekend and tracking confirmed.
I watched with interest as the car went down a different road to that city.
I called her when she got there.
Asked her where she was...
In the village.
Actually at the same address as the last couple of dodgy times.
Still not back.
I've paid a crap load of money for her next visa which we sent off a week ago.
Past few days before leaving - doesn't want to see me, hear me, I am to leave the room, not to talk to her because it makes her suicidal etc etc...
She went and spent a ton of cash on new clothes which she showed to me - panties and stuff.
Even changed her hair colour the day before, then changed it back!
It gets better.
We thought we had Candida (thrush) due to symptoms and neither of us had cheated but... I'm thinking something worse now. The clap or something.
I never have enough cash for what she wants and she threatens to find it otherwise.
Last couple of weeks - no sex. Since the candida actually...
She dropped her treatment and failed to buy another...
After I first met her, she accused me of giving her some small STI - trachy something I think. A bacteria.
I wonder if she has it again now or something worse.
I'll definitely go and get checked ASAP anyway.

Don't laugh, but the night before she left, she was very tired so set me to looking for a job for her...
She kept saying it should be in that city because she likes it there.
She wants to go to University again but it should be there, because she likes it there...
I saw her looking for a flat in the area of the city she was in a week before on the net.
She said it was for her girl-friend...

I've had little contact from her until now, apart from a couple of stupid messages on facebook asking how I was, which I've ignored.
She really was the love of my life, in my opinion, and I'm not sure about what I should do next.
I could pick up some dirty in a couple of hours, just like any other guy, but I don't see the point.

What an idiot she is / thinks I am - wouldn't take 5 minutes to get deported if I was that way inclined.

If I'm nice to her, she goes mad and tries to destroy me with words. Last week - wanted an open relationship or for me to cheat so that she 'would want me again'. Probably so that I could pick up that STI...
I tried giving her the quiet treatment, ignoring her.
She went crazy. Shouting at me to pay for something, pulling my hair, kept trying to hug me and pull my phone off me.

It's easy for some guy to wait in the background for a real man to fix all of life's problems, then pay a few hundred $ to snare her when I'm down many thousands...

If I try to talk, she doesn't want to hear it.
Recent events - She loves me but isn't in love with me, and wants me as a friend. More recent - Doesn't know what she wants, confused in her life, needs space.
I had that before she left last.
I walked out then because she told me she enjoyed sex with the guy she cheated on me with a few years back.
I get a texted apology - sorry for everything.
Mad.

Thoughts..?

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Religious Question About Betrayal

Let me say up front I do not want any debate about the existence of God as that can be another thread at another time. So button it.

My question is two fold...

1) Be it you or your spouse/SO as the betrayer, during the time of the betrayal did you have faith in God and/or consider yourself either religious or spiritual?

2) After you either found out you had been betrayed or had betrayed, how did it affect your faith, or, did it drive you towards or away from God/religion, if even temporarily?

I ask as my betraying ex was, literally, a 2 hour+ Bible reader and prayer each and every day I knew her. As devout a woman as I have ever met in my life.

So just curious.

And again, please do not use this thread as a sounding board for a debate on the existance of God or otherwise. You can all get your digs in elsewhere. Show a little respect for all opinions- regardless of how ignorant they may be (ok, ok, that was for a little levity).

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Do you have a hobby or stress relief mechanism.

Before I ended up here on TAM My hobby the last couple of years has been restoring an old truck that belonged to my dad. This past year I had health and a personal problems that kept me from working on it. I rolled it back out a couple of weeks ago and I am excited about getting back to work on it.

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Mortgage stopped

My separated husband of 5 months has stopped paying the mortgage. He works for double my salary, and I can only afford half. I am in a bind with all the bills and the two kids. I have a hearing for maintenance for the children in July. He is just so mean, he got arrested for domestic violence when I confronted him about his affair, that is why he had to leave, but he is only spiteful to his children.

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Are There Different Levels of Affairs?

An affair is an affair...right?

I found out 2 months ago my wife had an ONS with a former friend of mine 13 years ago before we started having kids. The way I found out was almost as bad. We were at a wedding and the guy was there. "Supposedly" she had not talked with him, since that night. She claims the ONS was a horrible mistake she made as an immature, selfish 25 year old girl and has always regretted the event. The night consisted of making out after a night of partying, but no sex. At the recent wedding, this douche starts hitting on her. She did not tell me because of being scared I would find out about the past. During the night I sensed this guy may have been coming onto her, but I thought maybe I was just being jealous while intoxicated. The next day I found her text to a friend that revealed she was freaking out the night before when he was hitting on her, but the text also revealed something had happened in the past. Also, the text showed she turned him down when he tried to get her to talk with him in his room. I confronted her and she came clean about the past. I also called him to ask WTF he was thinking making passes at my wife. He apologized and said he was drunk not conscious of what he was doing...BS!

I am so angry at her for the past, but also for not respecting our relationship at the wedding. Because of how I found out I think she enjoyed his attention that night and may have been flirting in her drunken state, but she disagrees. She accepts full responsibility about not acting appropriate both nights, but states there was no attraction or lust towards him. A side note, my wife suffers from depression & anxiety. After the big blow up, She went to see a psych and set up MC for us in an effort to be stronger and try to save our marriage. We have been together for 20 years and married for 15. For the most part I feel we have had a good marriage, but not perfect. Since having 3 kids and maturing, our relationship has gotten better with time. I am devastated and feel like the event happened 10 minutes ago. I guess I've been trying to rationalize the events to make it easier on myself, but ultimately I know my wife broke our vows. The thoughts are consuming me. I wa nt to leave her, but my heart breaks even more when I think about our 3 young kids. Part of me wants to believe her, but the other part tells me our love will never be the same. She is remorseful for everything and working hard to save our marriage. Am I being extreme?

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Girlfriend had affair, trying to fix things

This is my first post here, I have pretty much searched all over the net for advice but there are so many different situations and opinions that it is hard to get through it all.

So, I hope I can get an objective outlook on my current situation and how I am dealing with it.

I've been with my gf for close to 3 years now (I'm 32, she's 26). For me it was only a matter of time for me to propose to her (putting the money aside etc..). I thought things were going ok, but I had been going through some rough time finishing my studies and then having a job which made me miserable. I am a very solid guy and never quit, but this was hard on me and I probably leaned a little too much on my gf during this tough time. I finally quit the job 2 months ago and have been feeling much better.
However my whole future is very uncertain, and although I am used to dealing with that, she isn't.

She cheated on me for about a month, before finally admitting it to me, unable to take the guilt anymore. I had made it clear in the past that such a thing would be the end of it all for me, so she waited and waited before telling me, not wanting to "hurt" me and finish the relationship I guess.

Well, I burst out in anger at first, and in pain, and then collected my thoughts and talked with her, and talked and talked a lot. I understood how she had been unhappy for the last few months. She began getting distant, and got into contact with an old friend (ex) of hers, and finally cheated on me a weekend when she was away (she works on weekends in another city) and 2-3 times after that.

I told her I could give her another chance, if she completely cut all contacts with the other guy. She agreed, although was not too enthusiastic about it. She also started seeing a psy to help her open up about various issues she has.

Well, has pretty much cut contact with him (she tells me) but I think its him more than her that cut the contact. She still has him on facebook and the last time we talked I insisted she blocked him completely. She said she would do it, and that she hasn't talked to him since anyway. However I now regret not asking her to do it right away in front of me as I'm sure she still hasn't.

So, now we are trying to fix things, but we are not in the same city at the moment, she works in her hometown for the summer, and we won't be living together again until October (and even that is not sure yet since I am waiting for a job offer). We only live 1h15 away from each other though so I often drive over there or she comes over here.

The problem I have right now is about sex. She couldn't get enough of it before her affair (which was part of the reason for her getting distant), but now she just can't. We've had sex 2-3 times after her affair but she cries everytime, and it is more sex than it is lovemaking.

She knows this and we've talked about it and I'm just not sure if she's still thinking about that other guy or what. She's still unsure we can fix things up, even though we've spent a lot of good times together over the last month. It just seems like a lot of ups and downs. I am wondering if in time, her appetite for sex with me will come back, or if it is a symptom of something hiding and that I should push her some more to get to the bottom of it.

We were really good together, she's basically my best friend as much as my lover, and I want to make it work and know I could forgive her given sufficient time. I've been in other relationships before and I know this one is worth fighting for. But at the moment it seems I am working more towards recovery than she is. I also have been too obsessive about her (often sending texts/calling), and she told me she needed a little room to breathe, which I'm trying to work on. We are seeing each other 2-3 nights/week for the moment, and often having nice conversations over the phone. Its just that when we're together and kissing, she stops short/blocks as soon as she feels it goes for more (towards sex).

Sorry for the long post, but there is so much to tell and it is so complicated :(

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confident of shy girls

• Thread Starter

confident of shy girls

• 18 hours ago 18h ago

Its in the title really? Guys do you like confident and like social girls or like shy blushing wallflowers????

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Kissed a girl whilst I have a girl friend but it's more :/

• Thread Starter

Kissed a girl whilst I have a girl friend but it's more :/

• 15 hours ago 15h ago

Right I have been with my girl friend for 2 and a half years, we are both 18,the other night I kissed a girl whilst drunk but the next day we both agreed we didn't have any regrets and we kind of like each other she has a boyfriend too and neither of us know what to do please can you help

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What to say to LDR girlfriend after her mother passed away from car accident.

• Thread Starter

What to say to LDR girlfriend after her mother passed away from car accident.

• 15 hours ago 15h ago

Basically, I've never been with her physically, it's just been long distance. We can't afford to see each other as she's 15 and I'm 17. But I'm not sure how I can be of help, or what to say to her at all.

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I feel alone on TSR and IRL

• Thread Starter

I feel alone on TSR and IRL

• 19 hours ago 19h ago

I feel like no one wants to talk to me and it makes me feel sad

even on TSR people don't talk to me that much

I'm really sociable and I don't lack any confidence but it's just the fact that no one wants to speak to me that just confuses me

Am I the only one who feels lonely on TSR?:(

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Are you a virgin?

• Thread Starter

Are you a virgin?

• 18 hours ago 18h ago

Saw a comment earlier implying that the majority of TSR users are virgins... so made this poll to provide me with stats to fight back. :D

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Pregnant?

• Thread Starter

Pregnant?

• 19 hours ago 19h ago

Hi

I am really freaking out and need some help. I last had my period on the 3rd of May and only had sex once after. This was on the 27th of May it was unprotected and he did not cum inside of me. I have still not had my period since and am extremely worried?


Thanks for the help

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