| but, I've been watching dexter and it occurred to me, how do we know who we are actually 'with'? How can we trust them, how do we not know that they are not who they say they are? | |||
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
This may sound stupid,
I feel like I NEED to text my ex, even if I'm not sure if there are feelings
| My ex was my first love, first girlfriend, blah blah blah and I was her same. We have been broken up for almost a year now, but every now and then we do text and speak to each other. Even after all this time, if we bump into each other, its awkward like there is something there. The other day, I text her just asking how she was and stuff, but while I was about to send the message, I kept thinking that I'm not really that fussed. Like, I think I'm over her, but I still feel like texting her and crying about her and wanting her is something I have to do, if that makes sense? We ended up skying and I bought up the subject of "so, are you with anyone, or seeing anyone now?" and her answer was really weird. It was a mixture of yes and no, leading me to believe either there is someone and she doesn't know what's going on or she's trying to make me jealous (as that's happened before). Now, at the time, this was a bit of a shock to me, but I didn't want to act upset so I put on a happy face and carried on talking, but normally, I would've broken down after and been so upset and whatever, but not even an hour had passed and I wasn't that fussed about it. I thought that was really weird for me, maybe I am getting over her? She's gone home (from uni) this weekend to a family party and I was thinking of texting her on Monday just asking how it was and trying to start talking to her again, but again, on one hand I feel like that's effort, but on the other I would probably get annoyed if she didn't reply and would be eagerly waiting for her to text back. Maybe I feel like this as she was the closest thing I had and now that I'm bored and lonely, my mind keeps going back to those fun times? What do my feelings mean? Why do I think that I NEED or like its my DUTY to run after her like this? I have tried things with other girls but for some reason, none of them felt the same like my ex and I didn't like them in the same way either. What can I do? | |||
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Friend is trying to disrupt a relationship
| One of the few topics I'm writing that aren't about me or my relationship problems. My friend is cut up by the fact his girlfriend has moved on so quick and is with a new guy. He's so angry, and am a bit worried about him tbh. He keeps on telling me that he wants to mess up his ex and her new boyfriends relationship, and he's going to start by telling the boyfriend that he went out with the girl and slept with her - since she's told her new boyfriend she didn't go out with him and lied about what she's done with guys. I've told him that first of all, it'll make her hate him more. Secondly, it might not split them up, and even if it did, there's no way she'd get back with him - but he doesn't seem to care. He just keeps saying he wants to mess up her relationship and show her what it's like to be messed around with. Anything I can say to him, or should I just keep as far away from this situation as possible? | |||
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Where is the libido killing pill?
| I am tired of all the Viagra, Cialis commercials. Where is the pill for the exact opposite? Quote:
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Do cheaters keep cheating?
| I have other issues in my marriage based around an EA that never as far as I am aware never went PA, but I am reading so many threads of cheaters and those that have been cheated on that I am finding myself asking one fundamental question..... Once you cheat will you always be a cheater? I suppose if you get caught and have the emotions to deal with then it could stop it right? But is it possible that you could "just grow up" so to speak and realize your mistakes and actually work to put the mistakes right? Looking for both sides to this so I can understand and comprehend the the thoughts and feelings of those around me in this fora. | |||
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Guy caught 'bragging' on train from Philadelphia about affairs. Is this your husband?
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What do i do - help needed please!!
| Hi all, My wife left me 2 months ago and pretty much started divorce proceedings straight away. I tried everything to try to get her to reconsider but to no avail.:confused: She said the reasoning for the divorce on the petition when it arrived would be my selfishness, lack of communication and amount of time i spent working! She also said she was happy to pay for the divorce just to get it finalised. I received my court papers yesterday but the reasons she has given are pretty much all lies and its extremley hurtful what she has said. However I have calmed down and am happy to now just sign even though it's not true to just get it all finalised so that I can move on. She has however put on the divorce petition that she wants me to pay the costs?????? This is something that I am not happy to do as the divorce is not something that I ever actually wanted. I offered to give up my job, counselling etc to try & sort out our supposed problems. I do not have a solicitor as if I'm honest I can't really afford one and she knows this. I have since learned that within a week of ending the marriage she was in a relationship with another man and they have now got a new home together. I feel that she is trying to actually just come up with excuses & blame me for the breakdown of the marriage when in fact it is actually due to the fact that she was weak & had started a relationship with another man. Please help people as not sure what I should do :scratchhead: | |||
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Sexual favors
| My wife and i decided to each once a month prepare an exciting night and all i can think of is a sexy oil massage which i'm very good at according to her but i would like to do something different. Any ideas especially ladies | |||
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Celibacy for a year
| Hey all, Was just hanging out with one of my mates this morning, he's a Christian dude and we were mulling an issue which is affecting me right now, it's not my proudest moment but it has happened and I am now completely over it. Basically, I'm a 21 year old virgin guy. I'm not completely ugly in fact I did get asked if I wanted to do a photo shoot for modelling once (lol if only!) but I am just a very hard working person, have always worked my ass off at everything I do, doing a bit of everything, got to British national level in a sport while doing my A-levels and holding down 2 jobs! :D But I suppose I did neglect girls during this period of my life, I am a virgin by choice I'm Agnostic but I do not, and will never, have sex outside of relationships. :) . Well fast forward 2 years, 2nd year of Uni tried to get a girlfriend, because I'm a bit clueless on what you have to do I went through the motions for a while, had no luck, saw some statistics on romantic activity & age plotted ag aisnt decreased likelihood of having children, panicked a bit and just accepted some random dudes advice on using pick up artist methods. I was also in a bit of a rush because I wanted to learn how to support a woman etc as I want to be a good father one day. I only went out with pick up artists three times and did not even do pick up, I was too embarrassed to talk openly about being a virgin back then and I just wanted to be around men who had success in relationships who I could talk to openly. They used to tell me to go get girls numbers etc and I would just go to the bathroom for 10 mins and text my mate lol. I did get 2 girls numbers during this period of time and I actually did want to date them. My rule is if you wanna **** me, you've gotta let me take you out five times. They were a bit forward sexually so I had to cut them off. Anyway I think some dudes saw me in a bar with these guys and soon enough everyone on campus found out, now I have actually had people swear at me in the street, some dude looked like he was about to kick my ass in a club one time so I think going out is not going to be on the agenda for much of next year, and the worst part is all the girls in my Uni think I am some sort of sex mad pervert...I don 't even masturbate :( So my friend has advised me to go celibate for a year and just work my absolute ass off on my degree. It is my 3rd and final year, so it sounds like a fantastic idea. The thought of getting a 1st class does make me salivate just ever so slightly lol...will totally be able to get a girlfriend after Uni as I am going to law school in a different city away from all this crap. Give me 5 years I will have everything I want don't you worry! ;) Just wanted your thoughts on this one, if you can see any flaws in the plan or major downsides, let me know. I'm going to my mates house to have like an 8 hour acoustic jam now but will check back in a day PEACE X | |||
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No sex with people you like?
| This always gets to me. I don't understand girls reasoning behind it. They'll hook up with a random dude in a nightclub. Yet if they actually like a guy they make them wait to sleep with them? What's the reasoning behind this? I'm fine if a girl isn't prone to having ONS, I don't care about waiting. But if she's had more than a handful, it seems that those ONS are more deserving than the guy they like. Just something I never really understood. Any girls care to enlighten me? | |||
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Religion and children
| I've been neglecting this issue for some time now. Personally I feel it's good for my daughter to be raised with appropriate morals as well as enjoy the church community every Sunday, they treat her well there as well. Heck, even if I decide not to allow my STBX to take her to church anymore I doubt my daughter will be very happy, but she has been very resilient thus far dealing with parental seperation and if she can get over that, I'm sure she can get over not going to church. I believe it's healthy for her to believe in a higher power, but quite frankly, I fear long-term repurcussions for her believing in Christ. I don't want her to become religious, or to fear the unknown. I've been raising her to acknowledge actions and consequences, to be good not out of fear, but out of her own moral convictions. And hell somethings are also gray... Unfortunately, this may put her at odds with the church once she comes of age. I fear that if I continue allowing her to go to church, I will regret it. For the record I'm not Christian, my STBX is, and as for my daughter it's all a nice fantasy for her, not just Christianity, but also of my faith. I've taught her in a way where my influence in her beliefs blend fluently with Christianity - thanks to having learnt to deal/merge with my STBX's faith last few years. Thoughts? What age should I pull her out or should I just not pull her out at all? | |||
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Idle chit chat.
| I often feel a little guilty when a (semi) serious thread here gets waylaid/jacked by people (including me) indulging in chit chat about stuff that has no bearing on the original post. And very often I struggle as to where to place a particular post as it is just my ramblings or stray thoughts. I suppose the closest would be the 'what are you thinking now' thread, but sometimes just a general observation on world events, sporting/cultural events or random musings doesn't seem to me to fit in there. Or sometimes you might want to natter to a particular poster, I know you can PM but I try to keep my PMing to a minimum as I don't want to seem 'creepy' if it is one of the TAM ladies. I don't know if this thread will get used or if it is in fact superfluous but we'll see. I'll start. Dolly, good do last night? Was the red dress a hit? Was gin involved? You mentioned a train in one post I believe, did you have to travel far? | |||
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Conforming with cheating
| Hi I'm new to the forum, but hoping to get some guidance from the more experienced. I have been married for 3 years, and in my second year, while being in another country to look for a job, I had a short summer fling with a OM. It's more like a 3 NS than a ONS but afterwards, I just had no more feelings towards that OM but of course felt the guilt creeping about my H. I have many thoughts about why I did it, and several came in mind: 1. I am still young and unsure of settling (no kids, <30) 2. I was married in a rush for visa, and it did bother me a little to make that decision when all my life I've been independent.. 3. I had a long term ex-bf who cheated on me for 6 years... that was difficult to break and I did so by flying off to another country 4. My father was and still is a cheater. My family has been dysfunctional since I was 3. 5. Frustrations of my H career and mine, and how we could live pursuing them... My H has a freelance career that takes a lot of effort to become successful (think entertainment) and also easy to fall into the pits. I do worry the life I could have with him if he has to pursue it and end up 6 months away from home... 6. Talking about separations, he already left me in a foreign country by myself for 5 months. I was very bitter about it, since I got robbed and mugged outside my home while I was there, and there was nothing he could do about it except finish his project. Now my H is a sweet man who loves me with devotion. I felt that it is in his interest, if we are to maintain a relationship, not to know about the affair. That I have clear, because I don't have any heart strings attached to OM, it was really a summer fling and not something I regret. Why I don't regret? If I didn't have that fling, I probably would have left H. I just regret that it has come to this. The funny thing is, in the beginning of our relationship, we talked about these hypothetical situations, and we both agreed that we don't want to know about the other's affairs, we only want to know if the other wants to be with the other. I love my H to bits, but I cannot imagine myself ever be worthy of someone who is devoted to me, all my life I have met mainly cheaters including my father and I guess out of defense, I became one. So now I am coping with a situation where my H has met OM before, who's a lovely guy as well, and he often asks me why we don't meet up with him. I felt uncomfortable obviously, and I cover it with an excuse that he's busy, etc. I think H does suspect something, as I have stayed at OM house on my last days of my trip since i ran out of time at our rental room, but he didn't push much. I just told H that OM didn't treat me very well so I wanted to forget about him so hoping that he doesn't press me. It's been almost 1 year later, and watching TV sometimes H would say someone looks like OM... I really don't think it's a good idea to tell H about the affair, but I do wonder how I can deal with it each time the topic of OM arises. It doesn't happen often, but I wonder since we agreed to to tell the other of infidelity, that how true can you really hold this? I guess it would be selfish to tell H anyways, if it means to let the guilt off my chest, only to pass the burden to him... Sorry about the long post and the wishy washy way of posting.. but has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you end up dealing with it? | |||
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Multiculturalism and the future
| This is a potentially flammable political topic, but one that creeps up from time to time amongst my mates. Hell sometimes at work we go on about it - even though we're all from different backgrounds. I'm from Australia which seems to suffer similar problems to the U.S. in terms of multi-culturalism and integration. I've seen how people instead of embracing multi-culturalism form their own ethnic territories, speak their own language, etc etc. The benefits are great, the variety of cuisines, options for spiritual enlightenment, the experience of different cultures - everyone loves that. But it has its price; ethnic groups have been known to discriminate racially especially with lodging and employment. I can confirm from experience as well Aussie employees may be laid off in favor of ethnic employees, while Aussies tend to believe in "a fair go". Entire towns are converted into racially distinct suburbs, there is no real integration to speak of. I've also seen how deep the resentment truly is within the Aussie population who fear the dilution of their young culture. To most people, they never truly share their views - they would be fools to. They would be judged racists, a title no one wants to bear. Those who are openly racist tend to be beat down as immigrants are no longer a small minority but a vocal and potentially dangerous one. Hell some groups even operate the entire underground infrastructure of national cities. Not only that, but they give their own people a bad name, allowing the ethnic groups even more voice and power to cry "racist" at the Aussie population. The infamous "race card"... I'm assuming this is similar to the U.S.? I found the Aussies are robbed of their voice, they suffer in silence. Some say it's karma due to having stolen this land in history and the genocides their forefathers imposed on the natives. My people in history were also imperialistic, we conquered half the known world during the 13th and 14th centuries, but we enforced a multi-cultural state, and never genocided, it was a state that suffered wars of succession due to its multi-culturalism that led to our eventual downfall. If we had genocided natives then maybe things would have been different (but we're barbarians, so we do no such thing) But it is not THEIR crime, should all sons and daughters continue to suffer endlessly for the sins of their forefathers? I hate to say it but I relate as many to this day despise my people for how my forefathers buttraped them in history, it was almost a millenia ago! Yet they preach in their historical and religious doctrines how we are the devil, and along with religion even justified genocides (as was the case with the Pashtun genocide of the Hazaras in Afghanistan). Having been born and raised in Australia I can't help but know and understand the culture, I can't help but find some of its core values more to my taste then the values of the fatherland. I can also say vice versa where values of my motherland are still superior. But if asked if the culture was under threat - I would admit that is... I find this debate quite interesting, especially when my own people are very nationalistic at present. I'm in an orthodox position; I can't obviously side with the Aussies, even if I understand and sometimes even share their views, and I can't obviously side with the ethnics, even if I look like them. Anyways, enough of my views, share yours! :) | |||
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How to cope?
| Hi my name is Carol, I'm 23 years old, and have been married 5 yrs. My husband is also 23 years old and we have three children from age 11 months to 4 yrs. I decided to join this forum looking for help as the last 5 years are been anything but ideal. Within the first year, my husband had started talking to women online and continued to do so, to the point on contacting them for sex via craigslist. I even saw one of his emails to a girl and messaged her and she remembered him! By this I mean he would flirt, set up trips to come visit them tell them they where beautiful, sexy and hot ( and for many of them, they where not his type by that i mean, really tiny/ skinny) Last May he started a business, and would work in Ohio, PA, and West Virginia. The guy he worked with, for lack or a better term, was a douche/tool which ever one you prefer he didn't want to really work, but wanted to make fast money From there he started meeting women in person. November of last year, he told me the first time he went to Columbus, Oh he was going to cheat on me with a stripper. They where both naked, and he didn't do it because someone informed him she shot up. Personally I don't believe he didn't do it, seriously who just walks in on two naked people to say ' oh dude she shoots up watch out?' He also made it a point the last 5 years to consistently be away from me and our kids. Also in November he decided to ask for a divorce, when I asked him why, he couldn't give me a straight answer. I asked if it was another girl, he said no, he even had a 'friend' tell me that he was working hard for us. Mind you in August alone he had made 4000 and me and the kids where living with his mom, who never had custody of him. The next week I found out he was in fact dating some girl, and had met her in October, once again in Columbus OH. Repeatedly he told me it wasn't because he wanted to date other women and I told him that was a lie because our entire marriage he would talk and flirt with other girls. He told me he was 23, with nothing. He had no one there for him, he didn't have a job, a house anything. He had nothing. When I informed him he had the kids and me he scoffed and said I hated him. Which was a lie since he was barely there our entire marriage to actually know how I fell about him, but he made it very clear to me. At this time, my kids and I where living in a homeless shelter. They had a 'welcome' room of sorts where people who just showed up could sleep, my husband would stay down there at night so he could see the kids in the morning. Having been there for an entire month before my husband showed up, alot of the people knew us and some I was friends with. One of the girls had told me my husband was down their bragging about his new girlfriend to everyone and didn't realize, at first, that he was my husband till he saw him with our kids. I hadn't seen a picture of the girl, but my husband had shown her off to everyone down stairs. To be nice and supportive or not it was just to be nice, the girl and a few other people informed me the moment my husband wasn't around that his new girlfriend wasn't very cute at all, and she was on the 'fat' side compared to me. ( Nothing bad about that, just this is what they told me). When I finally saw a picture of her, my husband started complementing her, saying ' oh this is a small picture, shes only 5'1", shes alot smaller than you, yadda yadda.' It was endless, as if he was trying to cover for her and put me down. She wasn't very small and in fact she reminded me of someone I worked with my husband had thought was ugly. I got tired of it and told my husband that that was nice, but he has a daughter and if anyone else comes after his wife, it was her, not some dumb girl. This shut him up, which I was happy about, not only because I was having a hard time not completely tearing the poor girl up without her being their to defend herself, but also had a hard time not biting his head off. Being at the homeless shelter wasn't that bad and alot of people helped me get over him and sadly it got to the point where my husband wasn't allowed back there unless it was to see the children and if I was there with the kids. This happened, for what my husbands blames solely on me, because he would throw full blown tantrums. People could come up to me after he would storm out, and tell me they saw everything and that they where extremely proud of me for holding my tongue with how he would degrade me, and talk bad about me. ( The shelter was Christ centered). The straw that broke the camels back was when I had to go down to the welcome room, one of the times he did come and visit, to get him to come spend time with his children. He had gone down to play cards after I gave him an ultimatum to choose between his kids, or his girlfriend and gave him the outline of his visitation. He stormed off and i followed and told him to get up there and see his daughter, who he left crying in the cafeteria. She was only 2, 3 now. That day my husband left for good, after he spoiled my birthday by informing me he had bought tickets for him and this girl to go to Italy, France and the Caribbean, i later found out it was only hotel reservations. The people that ran the mission informed him he was no longer allowed to stay in the welcome room, something my husband blamed on me and which turned out it was his attitude and how he continually came and went, and his he treated his children. During all this I had finished the paper work for the divorce, but having not lived in the state for 6 months I wasn't able to petition yet. Repeatedly, my husband would try to stop me, telling me he still wanted to be with me, but wanted his freedom. I told him I wanted freedom to, the same thing he wanted, just with him not in the picture. He also tried to stop me by setting 'dates' up with the kids, knowing fully well I had told him about the meetings I had to file for divorce. Ultimately I told him to figure out what he wanted, because I wasn't waiting any longer, he could choose me and the kids and we could give it a second try or he could continue dating he girlfriend and never see his kids again. Ultimately he choose me and the kids, however he really showed his true colors during those 4 months. The things he did with the girl, where simple things we could have done together, that's the saddest part. Like going to the movies, playing basketball etc, the only difference we have 3 kids. I found out during the time he spent with her, he slept for 3 other women and he and the girl both thought she was pregnant ( is it mean to say I wish she was? Just so I could point at him and go ' nana nana boo boo stick your head in doo doo' ). He says she had text him and told him shes not, but for all he knows she could be. I know that after all this, I don't love him like I used to. I still love him, but its not with that burning to spent time with him. If there was another guy or a girl to spend time with and go do fun things, like play basket ball, shop paint pet rocks. I would prefer to do those things with them, instead of my husband. I love him still, but I don't trust him at all. He isn't remorseful about what he did, he hasn't changed. I feel like I made a huge mistake taking him back. There is no love and hes even told me ' there is no need for me to date my wife. I already have you'. Is there any way to cope or should i just move on? | |||
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