| Hey all, I posted a long thread.. and it wont let me post the link, darn it! .....
It gives the background information and a bit of the trouble i've had. I guess you'll have to find it through my name if you want to see it.
Anyway, now I'm completely lost and feel even more like I'm losing the man I love. I don't know if my mind is playing tricks on me, or if I'm even "right" but I just want to fix this and I need some help.
So long background story short, I'm 28 and living back with family while I finish up getting a degree in the culinary arts. My boyfriend is 31 and also in college, living an hour and a half away in another state. We met on Eharmony over 3 years ago, and up until recently I've never questioned things or felt he had any doubts.
He and I also have been going through a lot in our separate lives, and its affecting our relationship. He just found his biological mom, and 5 siblings. (More about this is in other thread). I am so happy for him, and while I'm worried that they may hurt him in the process of getting to know him, I know thats part of getting to know someone who is blood related and came out of nowhere.
On my side of things I have a bi-polar mother, who is very over weight and recently broke her leg getting out of the shower. My world caved in on me, and I'm only starting to see the light with this situation now. I've gone from starting to separate from mom to having to help her full time when I'm not at school. My dad has to work, and has no more days off to spend on mom. They help me alot, I feel obligated to help mom but theres alot of resentment and the relationship my mom and I have is rocky. My boyfriend doesn't understand it and I've found myself unable to talk to him about anything pertaining to my troubles with mom.
Okay so Last thursday my boyfriend called me after work (11pm, he's talked to me every day since we met) and he was irate. His sister (the one he grew up with) was asking him for money, and from his point of view her husband wasn't taking care of her and sitting at home. He used me as his sounding board, which is great, but because he was already reved up, when I would ask ANY question he'd yell at me! It really hurt so I recoiled back and let him rant a while. Suddenly he said he didn't feel like talking and hung up. He's never hung up before.
Okay so yes. I understand that entire conversation had NOTHING to do with me, and I've done stuff like thta to people I could trust too. But I always apologize later, and then get mad at them for feeling hurt. I've already been feeling a bit insecure, because this stress with his new family and sister have really pulled him away.
Well, when he called back I was waiting for an apology that never came. I didn't say much because last time anything I said would get me snipped at. I'm not one to remain angry and not tell the person I'm upset with why.... so I texted him once the phone call ended. Apologized for being quiet and told him I was a bit hurt and thrown off. He acted like I was completely out of line, and apologized but it was followed by a "but..." .
Anyway, long story short the three hour conversation led to both why I was insecure and that he essentially needed space. He never said any of those words "I need space" but he asked in text if I felt him calling every day and seeing me every weekend was a bit much. Calling every night I'm okay letting go of, but as I told him, even a goodnight text is necessary in a long distance long term relationship like this to keep the lines of communication open and to make me feel secure. (I've done that with my closest family too, I just keep in touch often to make sure they are okay).
As for seeing me every weekend, I dont think thats a bit much. Yes its an hour and a half drive for one person or the other, but lately he's acting like that drive is just too much of an obligation. Since my last post, I've only seen him one weekend, and thats because I drove up to see him.
We often go every other weekend because the trip is long and we are both in college again. School and life get in the way. But when a weekend is open to see him I go up there, he rarely wants to make the drive down anymore. And when he does, he acts like it was exhausting, doesn't even hug me hello.. just comes in, plops down and takes a nap.
.... hello nice to see you too? :/
After Thursdays text session I left him alone. He really did seem like he just wanted "space", and I understand guys minds work entirely different about that than women. So even through my insecurities about it, I've let him go do his thing.
Friday went by and no after work call came through. Saturday has now gone with no contact and I'm starting to lose my mind mid Sunday. I hate being scared to text or call for fear I'll bug him, and I want him to WANT to talk to me without me just being an obligation.
What do I do? Do I text him and just say hi? do I wait till tonight? I am losing my mind, I hate not knowing what to do or what hes thinking. Above all, I really miss him. |
