hi everyone, wish i could say its good to meet you all but unfortunately its not good to be here. my h and i are in our early 30's (he's 31 and i'm 33). he used to have a very high and healthy sex drive but it has seemed to just completely disappear. here's the back story and i apologize for the length.
during my ea I never had sex or touched my h intimately but never did anything with the om. i just simply lost connection with my h during that period of time since i wasn't getting what i needed from him. after we went to marriage counseling he started trying to initiate and i rejected him 90% of the time because i needed to feel that emotional connection with him before i became intimate and felt we weren't there yet. i told him to give it time and let nature take it's course. he kept trying and i had to keep telling him to give it time to come back. about 3 months later he seemed to just dry up and stop trying to initiate at all. i have tried to initiate a handful of times and he has rejected me with saying he's tired, not in the mood, thinking about work, or has plans. in the last 3 years since my ea we have had sex MAYBE 12 times. i feel like this ea killed our sexuality and it has become extremely uncomfortable to try and become intimate. he tells me that he wa nts me to touch him like i used to just out of the blue and i'll sometimes give him a quick grab but he wants me to fondle him again like i did before. i get uncomfortable doing that and honestly only really touch him at all only during sex in the few times per year we have it. he fondles me all the time but won't ever take it further than that. i told him i want him to just take me but it's gotten to the point of where he will just ask if i'm in the mood. when i asked him why he does this he just says he doesn't want to put in the effort only to get rejected.
we've been married for 7 years with no kids. before we got married sex was great and frequent. after we got married he seemed to become irritated easily, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and is on medication for it. he has always had a bad temper and i think that comes from his family and his mother. its a very dysfunctional environment and emotionally abusing. anyway i ended up losing my job and we had to move in with my parents for a while since he wasn't making good money and we were only renting thank goodness. i didn't want to move back into their house but we had no choice. we started fighting all the time and he would not open up or talk to me, just basically shut down. i was stupid and started talking to someone at work about the relationship and we became really good friends. feelings grew and we both told each other that we really like each other even though i knew i shouldn't have. during this time i became more and more distant from my h and he bec ame suspicious, asking for my phone, and snooping. i got defensive and would not let him see my phone or laptop for this reason. it was like being on a drug, i just couldn't stop because i was getting what i needed from this other guy. when i was sleeping one night my h came busting into the bedroom to wake me up and showed me the messages from the other guy on my phone asking wtf is this and such. we talked for about 10 minutes because i was tired and went back to sleep. the next day i apologized left and right, and all day but started thinking how crappy it was that he invaded my privacy and continued talking to the other guy. he found out that i was still talking to him 2 more times (total of 3 times he asked me to stop). i decided to cut it off with the other guy and tell him i need to focus on my marriage which he said he understood and never meant to fall for a married woman.
we have gone to 3 different marriage counselors and i will admit that i rug swept for a long time and just wanted to move on and not discuss the past at all. my h told me that he needed to talk about it to move on which i agreed to, but he still will bring it up from time to time. come to find out this other guy at my work also has a part time job at my husbands place of work. small world huh?
again sorry for the long post and thanks for reading.
during my ea I never had sex or touched my h intimately but never did anything with the om. i just simply lost connection with my h during that period of time since i wasn't getting what i needed from him. after we went to marriage counseling he started trying to initiate and i rejected him 90% of the time because i needed to feel that emotional connection with him before i became intimate and felt we weren't there yet. i told him to give it time and let nature take it's course. he kept trying and i had to keep telling him to give it time to come back. about 3 months later he seemed to just dry up and stop trying to initiate at all. i have tried to initiate a handful of times and he has rejected me with saying he's tired, not in the mood, thinking about work, or has plans. in the last 3 years since my ea we have had sex MAYBE 12 times. i feel like this ea killed our sexuality and it has become extremely uncomfortable to try and become intimate. he tells me that he wa nts me to touch him like i used to just out of the blue and i'll sometimes give him a quick grab but he wants me to fondle him again like i did before. i get uncomfortable doing that and honestly only really touch him at all only during sex in the few times per year we have it. he fondles me all the time but won't ever take it further than that. i told him i want him to just take me but it's gotten to the point of where he will just ask if i'm in the mood. when i asked him why he does this he just says he doesn't want to put in the effort only to get rejected.
we've been married for 7 years with no kids. before we got married sex was great and frequent. after we got married he seemed to become irritated easily, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and is on medication for it. he has always had a bad temper and i think that comes from his family and his mother. its a very dysfunctional environment and emotionally abusing. anyway i ended up losing my job and we had to move in with my parents for a while since he wasn't making good money and we were only renting thank goodness. i didn't want to move back into their house but we had no choice. we started fighting all the time and he would not open up or talk to me, just basically shut down. i was stupid and started talking to someone at work about the relationship and we became really good friends. feelings grew and we both told each other that we really like each other even though i knew i shouldn't have. during this time i became more and more distant from my h and he bec ame suspicious, asking for my phone, and snooping. i got defensive and would not let him see my phone or laptop for this reason. it was like being on a drug, i just couldn't stop because i was getting what i needed from this other guy. when i was sleeping one night my h came busting into the bedroom to wake me up and showed me the messages from the other guy on my phone asking wtf is this and such. we talked for about 10 minutes because i was tired and went back to sleep. the next day i apologized left and right, and all day but started thinking how crappy it was that he invaded my privacy and continued talking to the other guy. he found out that i was still talking to him 2 more times (total of 3 times he asked me to stop). i decided to cut it off with the other guy and tell him i need to focus on my marriage which he said he understood and never meant to fall for a married woman.
we have gone to 3 different marriage counselors and i will admit that i rug swept for a long time and just wanted to move on and not discuss the past at all. my h told me that he needed to talk about it to move on which i agreed to, but he still will bring it up from time to time. come to find out this other guy at my work also has a part time job at my husbands place of work. small world huh?
again sorry for the long post and thanks for reading.
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