Hi there,
Sorry for the length of this post and sorry in advanceed for grammar mistakes...English isn't my first language.
My wife just told me this morning that she loves me but she says she can't bear me anymore, and that she's confused about her feelings...if she loves me, or if it's just an habit etc. She's not seeing someone. She told me and I trust her 100% on this. Let me tell you about my story:
1) I met my wife online and we talked about thee years intensively before I finally decided to go to her country to meet her. Once we met, we fell in love and we decided to try to LD relationship. I would go see her or she would come to see me about every 3-4 months. I proposed to her after 2 years because I was tired and wanted to be with her more often.
2) Even at the beginning of the relationship, things were mostly fine but we would end up in bad fights such as name calling and she would push me but then we would say/promise to each other to work on those issues and that everything would be fine.
3) When she landed at my country, we had to live for a couple months at my fathers place until I would get enough money to get out. My father had alcohol problems back then and it was very stress ambient. I come from a family where my parents only yelled at each other and then the following morning it would be fine. So I did the same with my wife sometimes. I will always remember the first Christmas she was here crying because my uncontrolled father was a mess and I got pissed off at him and she cried because she missed her parents.
4) As I was a selfish prick and only child kind of behavior, I would always tell her how to do things and make sure her choices wouldn't have a negative impact on mine. She felt pressured, and like not being able to be who she is and to follow a path I decided or else I would got angry. It's not like I would always get mad at everything, but she was used to be free with parents who let her be 100% independant.
5) On a couple occasions, it happened that I did disrespected her and then she would hit me in the face to defend herself. She told me then that whenever she hears me up my voice, she feels threatened. I also told her that one night my friends and I went to the stripper's joint and then drunked as hell I kissed a stripper but then I stopped before going all the way because I was feeling like **** and cheating on her.
6) To improve things, I decided to go to counselling and they found out I had ADD disorder and started taking meds. I also tried to solve my family problems from when I was younger and living in this f*cked up atmosphere where disrespect and violence was present.
7) Things got better mainly but then she still feels like I'm threatening her. It's like she sees I've changed but then can't process it inside her. She says that she doesn't forgive herself to not have left me before...but then she says she doesn't know she can't have me in her life. She gets angry easily and escalates small problems into big fights...she says I don't deserve this.
Sooo...since we had an argument last night while driving to a friends bbq, she wanted out of the car and spent the night in the city. When I came back from the bbq, she was sleeping so we didn't talk. This morning I sent her an email saying I loved her but we have communicating issues and we sould seek councellor. She replied to me that she knows we have those problems but apart of this she's confused and she doesn't want to hurt me more. She says she will be out of the appartment soon and we should do it the softest way possible. I said I understand her position and that if I truly love her, I don't want her to be feeling unhappy. I told her that if you find out with clarity what you want with me, I just hope it won't be too late. Let me add that she has been telling me her desire to leave for a couple months when we had big arguments.
As my father is visitating this weekend and got home this morning, I told her if she wanted to eat with us after she announced me that she would leave me and she said...why are you like this and cried and hugged me but then said that she prefers to go out so the mood won't be weird for my father.
I feel like I destroyed that woman before, but then I changed 100% but the hurt is done. Her feelings are mixed: love with resentment. I will never forgive me. She left everything for me. I just dont imagine my life without her. She's my best friend and soulmate. I love her to death.
Am I hoping something that will never happen? Can she find out she misses me and realize that I've really changed and wants me back? Do I contact her from time to time to know how she is doing? Her approach is more like no contact so it doesn't hurt for both of us.
Thank you very much
Sorry for the length of this post and sorry in advanceed for grammar mistakes...English isn't my first language.
My wife just told me this morning that she loves me but she says she can't bear me anymore, and that she's confused about her feelings...if she loves me, or if it's just an habit etc. She's not seeing someone. She told me and I trust her 100% on this. Let me tell you about my story:
1) I met my wife online and we talked about thee years intensively before I finally decided to go to her country to meet her. Once we met, we fell in love and we decided to try to LD relationship. I would go see her or she would come to see me about every 3-4 months. I proposed to her after 2 years because I was tired and wanted to be with her more often.
2) Even at the beginning of the relationship, things were mostly fine but we would end up in bad fights such as name calling and she would push me but then we would say/promise to each other to work on those issues and that everything would be fine.
3) When she landed at my country, we had to live for a couple months at my fathers place until I would get enough money to get out. My father had alcohol problems back then and it was very stress ambient. I come from a family where my parents only yelled at each other and then the following morning it would be fine. So I did the same with my wife sometimes. I will always remember the first Christmas she was here crying because my uncontrolled father was a mess and I got pissed off at him and she cried because she missed her parents.
4) As I was a selfish prick and only child kind of behavior, I would always tell her how to do things and make sure her choices wouldn't have a negative impact on mine. She felt pressured, and like not being able to be who she is and to follow a path I decided or else I would got angry. It's not like I would always get mad at everything, but she was used to be free with parents who let her be 100% independant.
5) On a couple occasions, it happened that I did disrespected her and then she would hit me in the face to defend herself. She told me then that whenever she hears me up my voice, she feels threatened. I also told her that one night my friends and I went to the stripper's joint and then drunked as hell I kissed a stripper but then I stopped before going all the way because I was feeling like **** and cheating on her.
6) To improve things, I decided to go to counselling and they found out I had ADD disorder and started taking meds. I also tried to solve my family problems from when I was younger and living in this f*cked up atmosphere where disrespect and violence was present.
7) Things got better mainly but then she still feels like I'm threatening her. It's like she sees I've changed but then can't process it inside her. She says that she doesn't forgive herself to not have left me before...but then she says she doesn't know she can't have me in her life. She gets angry easily and escalates small problems into big fights...she says I don't deserve this.
Sooo...since we had an argument last night while driving to a friends bbq, she wanted out of the car and spent the night in the city. When I came back from the bbq, she was sleeping so we didn't talk. This morning I sent her an email saying I loved her but we have communicating issues and we sould seek councellor. She replied to me that she knows we have those problems but apart of this she's confused and she doesn't want to hurt me more. She says she will be out of the appartment soon and we should do it the softest way possible. I said I understand her position and that if I truly love her, I don't want her to be feeling unhappy. I told her that if you find out with clarity what you want with me, I just hope it won't be too late. Let me add that she has been telling me her desire to leave for a couple months when we had big arguments.
As my father is visitating this weekend and got home this morning, I told her if she wanted to eat with us after she announced me that she would leave me and she said...why are you like this and cried and hugged me but then said that she prefers to go out so the mood won't be weird for my father.
I feel like I destroyed that woman before, but then I changed 100% but the hurt is done. Her feelings are mixed: love with resentment. I will never forgive me. She left everything for me. I just dont imagine my life without her. She's my best friend and soulmate. I love her to death.
Am I hoping something that will never happen? Can she find out she misses me and realize that I've really changed and wants me back? Do I contact her from time to time to know how she is doing? Her approach is more like no contact so it doesn't hurt for both of us.
Thank you very much
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