I think I've run into problems in my marriage because I set the tone very early on that I wasn't a person who commanded respect. Help me figure out the following scenario: Last night my husband was cussing within possible earshot of the kids. He knows how much that bothers me. I've told him countless times how much it bothers me. I asked him nicely but directly last night if he could not cuss if he's not sure where the kids are. He sat down. Told me to come over by him. He told me that for that he will not be having dinner with us and he will also not be speaking to me for the rest of the night. So basically he's telling me he is going to withdraw from me as punishment for me being assertive and stating my wishes. Now the reason I think he does this is because it's worked for him in the past. He's never really had to take me seriously. I can not stand the silent treatment. Well, used to not be able to stand it. It has always been a very effective tool for him to use whenever and for whatever he chooses. He had all the power. This was like my achiles heal and I had no leverage. I don't know why I was like this. I think I had very low self-esteem and abandonment issues and he capitalized on it.
After he informed me that he would be withdrawing himself and psychologically abandoning me, I said okay, turned and walked away very casually. I didn't get upset. I didn't act out in any way. I just let him do what he wanted and went on with my night. We didn't talk at all last night and are still have not spoken today. All because I had the nerve to be assertive. Not sure if this is relevant but he has an undiagnosed pain condition. He feels sick a lot, gets headaches but there is no known medical cause for it and no medication that can help him. He's been to countless doctors. It's really mysterious. Nobody has any idea what's going on with him. He is miserable a lot. So I suppose he would say that I'm not being understanding enough and should cut him some slack and he can't be perfect all the time when he's feeling so low. I think I would have much more sympathy and be much more understanding had his personality changed for the worse once he started feeling sick but his d isrespectful behavior goes way back. I don't see much difference between how he was then and how he is now. He treats me better today because I somewhat got a backbone and he's learned that I'm not the pushover I once was.
Any advice on if I handled the situation well? What kind of man tells his wife that he won't be speaking to her and not eating dinner as a family as a form of punishment? I think that's indicative of some deep underlying problems.
After he informed me that he would be withdrawing himself and psychologically abandoning me, I said okay, turned and walked away very casually. I didn't get upset. I didn't act out in any way. I just let him do what he wanted and went on with my night. We didn't talk at all last night and are still have not spoken today. All because I had the nerve to be assertive. Not sure if this is relevant but he has an undiagnosed pain condition. He feels sick a lot, gets headaches but there is no known medical cause for it and no medication that can help him. He's been to countless doctors. It's really mysterious. Nobody has any idea what's going on with him. He is miserable a lot. So I suppose he would say that I'm not being understanding enough and should cut him some slack and he can't be perfect all the time when he's feeling so low. I think I would have much more sympathy and be much more understanding had his personality changed for the worse once he started feeling sick but his d isrespectful behavior goes way back. I don't see much difference between how he was then and how he is now. He treats me better today because I somewhat got a backbone and he's learned that I'm not the pushover I once was.
Any advice on if I handled the situation well? What kind of man tells his wife that he won't be speaking to her and not eating dinner as a family as a form of punishment? I think that's indicative of some deep underlying problems.
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