Been divorced since 7/29 after 25 years of marriage. We have a 13-year-old son. My ex basically left and divorced me for another woman. He moved 10 minutes away into our rental house that became vacant in May. She lives out of state but plans to move down here and in with him by the end of the year.
We have joint custody, but I have 80% of it since he is gone (he is an airline pilot) the majority of the time. The Parenting Plan is very flexible as to when each of us will have our son with us. Since my ex moved out in May, when he's home, he comes over and spends the afternoon and evenings him. He takes him to the gym or to play tennis or to dinner - he's not here for most of that time. But DS very rarely stays with him, even though he'll have two or three days off in a row frequently. DS doesn't like staying with him - not because they don't get along or the house isn't welcoming - the ex bought him a new bedroom set of his choosing, and he has one of his video game consoles set up over there. He doesn't, he says, because it bothers him to be living part-time in two different houses, and his dog and most of his stuff is here, and he's just more comfortable here.
I like having him here at night with me and don't want him to suffer because of his Dad's nonsense, but I think he should spend more time with his Dad in general, and I think his Dad shouldn't be able to get away with living like a single, childless guy (nor should his POS girlfriend get to live with him like a teenager with no responsibilities when she gets down here). She signed on to be a potential stepparent in this deal - by God, she'd better plan on doing some parenting.
But I come back to my son. Do I say, "I'm sorry, honey - you know this was not what I wanted - but this is part of being a child of divorce." And make him spend weekends and other occasional nights with his Dad? (His Dad, by the way, has said he'd abide by whatever my wishes are in this regard.) Or do I continue on with things the way they are to try to keep things as comfortable as possible for my son? Note that he's almost 14, and very mature for his age, so if I want to go out for dinner with girlfriends or something, I can leave him alone for a couple hours, so nighttime childcare isn't an issue.
We have joint custody, but I have 80% of it since he is gone (he is an airline pilot) the majority of the time. The Parenting Plan is very flexible as to when each of us will have our son with us. Since my ex moved out in May, when he's home, he comes over and spends the afternoon and evenings him. He takes him to the gym or to play tennis or to dinner - he's not here for most of that time. But DS very rarely stays with him, even though he'll have two or three days off in a row frequently. DS doesn't like staying with him - not because they don't get along or the house isn't welcoming - the ex bought him a new bedroom set of his choosing, and he has one of his video game consoles set up over there. He doesn't, he says, because it bothers him to be living part-time in two different houses, and his dog and most of his stuff is here, and he's just more comfortable here.
I like having him here at night with me and don't want him to suffer because of his Dad's nonsense, but I think he should spend more time with his Dad in general, and I think his Dad shouldn't be able to get away with living like a single, childless guy (nor should his POS girlfriend get to live with him like a teenager with no responsibilities when she gets down here). She signed on to be a potential stepparent in this deal - by God, she'd better plan on doing some parenting.
But I come back to my son. Do I say, "I'm sorry, honey - you know this was not what I wanted - but this is part of being a child of divorce." And make him spend weekends and other occasional nights with his Dad? (His Dad, by the way, has said he'd abide by whatever my wishes are in this regard.) Or do I continue on with things the way they are to try to keep things as comfortable as possible for my son? Note that he's almost 14, and very mature for his age, so if I want to go out for dinner with girlfriends or something, I can leave him alone for a couple hours, so nighttime childcare isn't an issue.
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