It's late, I need to be in bed, so I'm just going to keep this as short as possible:
I live in Indiana.
There are four kids between us, three boys and a girl. The youngest boy is MINE and the girl is OURS.
I don't work, I'm a SAHM, and a good one at that. I've always cared for the kids 24/7 essentially on my own. I can count on one hand how many times my H has fed/bathed/changed/taken to appointments, etc.
My H has weird work hours (night shift) and when he gets home will not go to bed, no matter how often I ask. He usually ends up getting 3-4 hours of sleep before work, which in turn makes him exhausted/cranky/hateful, and because of this myself and the kids rarely see him, even when he is home.
I can't leave him alone with the kids because he won't stay awake. I'm often stuck home in instances where taking the kids along isn't logical. Just this week I left for brief periods of time only to come home to find the house a wreck and him passed out on the couch (kids unattended).
We don't have sex hardly ever. We had a discussion a month ago about making time to have sex at least twice a week. We've been intimate three times since then.
As I said, he's hateful. He stays so tired, when he is home he doesn't want to fool with the kids or he's unreasonably hard on them or snappy.
Even if he's off work for the second day in a row and sees that I'm struggling with the kids or dinner or housework or whatever and there are still things to be done, he just sits on his butt and watches tv.
My car broke back in October. Pretty expensive fix, and the money isn't there to pay for it. I have been stuck home without a vehicle to get the kids around for seven months now, and he has b his work car, a motorcycle, a boat, and three other completely working "play cars" that just sit in our front yard and all I hear about that is "I don't want to sell those, we'll save the money to fix your car". That still hasn't happened.
Trying to talk to him is like playing chess. He keeps asking me what's wrong and I tell him, and suddenly he's got a huge list of offenses that I'd yet to hear about until that very second. For example, two weeks ago I told him I was sick of not having sex and sick of trying to initiate and being shot down, and I was to the point that I was too scared th even try, and asking made me feel like less of a woman. I said it calmly, honestly and without anger. His response? "I'm sick of you never going anywhere and feeling like hi have to ask permission to go anywhere". The f***? How does one go with the other? Well, I'm usually a huge door mat but I stood up for myself and basically told him how ridiculous he was being. Now apparently I don't like his family and never dig anything. Idk.
I think the major turning point was three nights ago. My phone was dead so I borrowed his, and went to get online and when I started searching it brought up recently searched. I was concerned, so I checked out the browser history. What do I find? PORN. PORN PORN AND MORE FRIGGIN PORN. Every time he's telling me he's on Facebook he's actually checking out other naked women. Under normal circumstances this wouldn't bother me because we've enjoyed porn together before. What really gets me is the fact that all week he's been "too tired/sore" to be with me, but he can go visit a porn site. It doesn't make sense.
Over all, I'm considering a separation. I don't know if I can deal with this anymore. The problem is, I have no income whatsoever, no car, and nowhere to stay after the fact. That, and I can only imagine how nasty he'd be when I told him and that scares me.
So if anybody has any advice that would be great. I'm at the end of my rope and I have no idea how to proceed.
Any advice or encouragement or something to help me sort this out?
Thanks so much in advance.
I live in Indiana.
There are four kids between us, three boys and a girl. The youngest boy is MINE and the girl is OURS.
I don't work, I'm a SAHM, and a good one at that. I've always cared for the kids 24/7 essentially on my own. I can count on one hand how many times my H has fed/bathed/changed/taken to appointments, etc.
My H has weird work hours (night shift) and when he gets home will not go to bed, no matter how often I ask. He usually ends up getting 3-4 hours of sleep before work, which in turn makes him exhausted/cranky/hateful, and because of this myself and the kids rarely see him, even when he is home.
I can't leave him alone with the kids because he won't stay awake. I'm often stuck home in instances where taking the kids along isn't logical. Just this week I left for brief periods of time only to come home to find the house a wreck and him passed out on the couch (kids unattended).
We don't have sex hardly ever. We had a discussion a month ago about making time to have sex at least twice a week. We've been intimate three times since then.
As I said, he's hateful. He stays so tired, when he is home he doesn't want to fool with the kids or he's unreasonably hard on them or snappy.
Even if he's off work for the second day in a row and sees that I'm struggling with the kids or dinner or housework or whatever and there are still things to be done, he just sits on his butt and watches tv.
My car broke back in October. Pretty expensive fix, and the money isn't there to pay for it. I have been stuck home without a vehicle to get the kids around for seven months now, and he has b his work car, a motorcycle, a boat, and three other completely working "play cars" that just sit in our front yard and all I hear about that is "I don't want to sell those, we'll save the money to fix your car". That still hasn't happened.
Trying to talk to him is like playing chess. He keeps asking me what's wrong and I tell him, and suddenly he's got a huge list of offenses that I'd yet to hear about until that very second. For example, two weeks ago I told him I was sick of not having sex and sick of trying to initiate and being shot down, and I was to the point that I was too scared th even try, and asking made me feel like less of a woman. I said it calmly, honestly and without anger. His response? "I'm sick of you never going anywhere and feeling like hi have to ask permission to go anywhere". The f***? How does one go with the other? Well, I'm usually a huge door mat but I stood up for myself and basically told him how ridiculous he was being. Now apparently I don't like his family and never dig anything. Idk.
I think the major turning point was three nights ago. My phone was dead so I borrowed his, and went to get online and when I started searching it brought up recently searched. I was concerned, so I checked out the browser history. What do I find? PORN. PORN PORN AND MORE FRIGGIN PORN. Every time he's telling me he's on Facebook he's actually checking out other naked women. Under normal circumstances this wouldn't bother me because we've enjoyed porn together before. What really gets me is the fact that all week he's been "too tired/sore" to be with me, but he can go visit a porn site. It doesn't make sense.
Over all, I'm considering a separation. I don't know if I can deal with this anymore. The problem is, I have no income whatsoever, no car, and nowhere to stay after the fact. That, and I can only imagine how nasty he'd be when I told him and that scares me.
So if anybody has any advice that would be great. I'm at the end of my rope and I have no idea how to proceed.
Any advice or encouragement or something to help me sort this out?
Thanks so much in advance.
Put the internet to work for you.
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