I'm 21 and I'm in my last year at uni. I'm just thinking about myself and personality and I feel like I'm a bit of an "odd" person. Like I have friends on my course and my sister and friend in my home town, but I just feel like I'm different to other people or think in a different way which makes me feel a bit like an odd one out.
Like, I'm a nice person and generally make friends quite easily but I think I'm a bit awkward at times when I don't know what to say to people or feeling a bit quiet. I know I'm comparing myself to other people who are a bit in your face and overly confident. But, sometimes I just think if I was more confident and in the centre of attention I'd be completely different around boys that I like and I would probably attract more guys.
I know this all sounds completely ridiculous but I just think having confidence and being happy with myself is something that I need. Like, I guess it looks good for other people. And I don't just mean in terms of getting into a relationship, I mean career wise as well. Like I'm planning on doing my pgce in September in early years and I know I am capable of being a good teacher but I'm so scared that my quietness might be perceived as a lack of confidence (I only lack confidence in my own ability sometimes).. so I'd be worried that I'd compare myself to others on my course who are more confident/louder in general and give off a persona that makes them seem like a great teacher.
I know I shouldn't compare myself to others as this is probably why I have low-self esteem. But sometimes I just feel like people might think I'm incapable of being a good teacher because of my personality .. well just because I'm quiet. I think I know other people think I'm nice, caring, funny, down to earth etcc.. which are good personality traits of a teacher but I'm just worried about someone saying "I'm too quiet" when I'm being observed during my pgce year and not recognising my good qualities because of it. I feel like I know this is something I'm worried about and may need to work on my "teacher voice" e.g. being assertive, so I think if when I start my first pgce placement if I'm able to get to know the staff, the children and the behaviour management policy and practice it.. when I start teaching more I'll hopefully be comfortable to use it.. as well as showing my potential in terms of my lesson plans etc.
And for relationships with guys, I've had one boyfriend which lasted about 3 months. I'm just far too shy around boys that I like, I get nervous and don't know what to say so I slip into my quietness then I feel like I bore them so much. I would really like to get to a point where I can be myself around a guy but its like some get bored and give up trying. I don't mean to sound big-headed but I think I am pretty so some guys in past have said things like "you're so pretty why are you so shy?" like a pretty person can't be shy or something..
Any advice would be great (late night thoughts lol)
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