I'm back on the dating scene after my divorce last year and I'm a little rusty at this so bear with me. For my education (for the future), I'm wondering why my sig other of 7 months behaved this way:
Him: 37yo, never had a long term relationship... ever. Longest one was 5 months and he was 20yon (red flag). As a pilot, he attributes it to constantly moving from country to country and never being in the same place for a long time. He's in my city to stay now. Solid family, very conservative, very stable, loving parents.
Me: 36yo, been married for only 2 weeks, divorced when I discovered my cheating XH was playing with prostitutes. I'm over it and was discharged from counseling last year and told I'm fine, fully functional, healthy, and there's no need to come back. I've been happy since then. I am highly educated and am very proud at what I have accomplished thus far in my life (I worked really hard!). I have a solid family as well, we are all professionals.
US: we went to the same high school. I've know him forever. He's had a crush on me for 20 years. I can vouch for his stable background.
Dating 7 months, first 5 months were bliss.
Met each other's families, I am the first woman he has ever brought home to his family, much less to major holiday events with his family. We met each other's extended family, he sent pictures of us to his family members with his Christmas cards, etc.
In month 5, both of us changed jobs, I changed my entire career. Very stressful time. We began fighting a lot.
Mutual break up for 3 weeks in March when we were both at extremely high stress levels. We were both at the point where we didn't know what else to do.
I approached him and tried to explain that we would have to learn to work through problems together if this was to be a long term relationship (he doesn't know anything about long terms. I've had to teach him a lot.). We agreed on two ground rules: 1) no unilateral decisions (we make major relationship decisions together), and 2) if one person gets frustrated, he/she asks for a "time out" and we return at a later time.
We get back together and have 3 great weeks of solid fun (hiking, dinners, fundraisers, wine tastings, etc.). I go to dinner with his family on Sunday, on Thursday we have a great time at dinner, and on the walk back to the car, I ask him why he's been holding back. He said he was still mad about the fight from last month. I said he has to try to let it go and move on - the past is the past. He said he will do it on his own time.
We argued for 3 minutes in the parking lot and he screamed, "I can't do this anymore!". I simply said "OK" and nothing more. He drove me home in silence and I said "thanks for dinner. Good luck." and I got out. That was it.
The next day, he put up all his online dating profiles with the photos that I took of him on our trip and his tag line is the line I preached to him "a relationship should compliment your life, not complicate it."
I am very disappointed that he would cheapen our relationship with dating websites the very next day. I am disappointed he erased all our hard work to recover with one sentence. I am disappointed that he didn't follow our agreed rules.
My Question: Why would he do that so abruptly after a great 3 weeks, and a few days after inviting me to dinner with his family (whom he completely cherishes)? This is a learning experience for me, so any insight would be appreciated. :) Thanks!
Him: 37yo, never had a long term relationship... ever. Longest one was 5 months and he was 20yon (red flag). As a pilot, he attributes it to constantly moving from country to country and never being in the same place for a long time. He's in my city to stay now. Solid family, very conservative, very stable, loving parents.
Me: 36yo, been married for only 2 weeks, divorced when I discovered my cheating XH was playing with prostitutes. I'm over it and was discharged from counseling last year and told I'm fine, fully functional, healthy, and there's no need to come back. I've been happy since then. I am highly educated and am very proud at what I have accomplished thus far in my life (I worked really hard!). I have a solid family as well, we are all professionals.
US: we went to the same high school. I've know him forever. He's had a crush on me for 20 years. I can vouch for his stable background.
Dating 7 months, first 5 months were bliss.
Met each other's families, I am the first woman he has ever brought home to his family, much less to major holiday events with his family. We met each other's extended family, he sent pictures of us to his family members with his Christmas cards, etc.
In month 5, both of us changed jobs, I changed my entire career. Very stressful time. We began fighting a lot.
Mutual break up for 3 weeks in March when we were both at extremely high stress levels. We were both at the point where we didn't know what else to do.
I approached him and tried to explain that we would have to learn to work through problems together if this was to be a long term relationship (he doesn't know anything about long terms. I've had to teach him a lot.). We agreed on two ground rules: 1) no unilateral decisions (we make major relationship decisions together), and 2) if one person gets frustrated, he/she asks for a "time out" and we return at a later time.
We get back together and have 3 great weeks of solid fun (hiking, dinners, fundraisers, wine tastings, etc.). I go to dinner with his family on Sunday, on Thursday we have a great time at dinner, and on the walk back to the car, I ask him why he's been holding back. He said he was still mad about the fight from last month. I said he has to try to let it go and move on - the past is the past. He said he will do it on his own time.
We argued for 3 minutes in the parking lot and he screamed, "I can't do this anymore!". I simply said "OK" and nothing more. He drove me home in silence and I said "thanks for dinner. Good luck." and I got out. That was it.
The next day, he put up all his online dating profiles with the photos that I took of him on our trip and his tag line is the line I preached to him "a relationship should compliment your life, not complicate it."
I am very disappointed that he would cheapen our relationship with dating websites the very next day. I am disappointed he erased all our hard work to recover with one sentence. I am disappointed that he didn't follow our agreed rules.
My Question: Why would he do that so abruptly after a great 3 weeks, and a few days after inviting me to dinner with his family (whom he completely cherishes)? This is a learning experience for me, so any insight would be appreciated. :) Thanks!
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