Hello again TSR, another confusing thread about my ex lol.
So after a month of her doing NC on me which I found hard and ended up emailing her twice and possibly bumping into her around the place, my ex out of the blue texted me yesterday. She just asked 'how's [Riku's sister]?' because my sister's pregnant, nothing else, no kisses. I just replied back an hour later quite politely and civil 'hi she is fine thank you, baby is on its way'. No response.
I started thinking of her and missing her a little and saw The Amazing Spiderman 2 which made me miss her quite a lot because of the parallels between Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy and us two when we were together, so I ended up texting her today (getting bored of the power games of NC) saying 'how's revision going?'. Again, no response so far.
I asked my dad about it and he said well it's nice that she got in touch to ask how the family is, and if she didn't care about me even as a friend she wouldn't have got in touch at all. He also says perhaps she is still upset, needs space to adjust, and that's all that she can manage to hear from me at this moment.
However I have started to see this more negatively. I wonder whether she enjoys the ego-boost that comes with a response, feeling she has power over me. At the extreme I envision her texting this while furiously banging her new boyfriend just to mock me with her silence and laughing with him at my state of man childhood and lack of performance in bed.
I wonder whether she enjoys distracting me from my coursework because she secretly wants me to fail my degree and end up unemployed and broken so I will crawl back to her and lick her boots so that she has her own personal slave/dog (metaphorically). This feeling is exemplified when I think (unless I imagine) seeing her going around taking driving lessons because I feel that she wants me to know that I will be the submissive one in our 'friendship'.
I would rather not be in this situation as I do not wish to be controlled by anybody else.
I would like to be her friend of course but my mind has bitchified her actions to ungodly proportions that now I struggle to see her as hurting over the end of our relationship but in fact a scheming manipulative alpha female who wants me to suffer to prove her own goddess allure. :S
Perhaps this is unreasonable. I mean there's being worrying you're a bit whipped and then there's being paranoid. I don't know which is which anymore though-what if she is up to this scheme of emasculating me?
It's sad that our friendship/relationship was ruined by me reading some influential BS on the Internet that has warped my consciousness…or has it? Maybe it's the reality?
Put the internet to work for you.
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