I am a guy in a relationship for 4 years now, I'm 23 and she 25. She's not my first girlfriend but definitely my first "Real" relationship, makes my others look like child's play. I'm confused because I have issues that are making me unhappy and obviously need to fix them so I can really be happy in my life.Just a bit of background, she has a daughter who is turning 6 this year, we rent an apartment together and the 3 of us live together. The father is in her life but my girlfriend does look to me to be a stand in father figure. I'm okay with that as long as I'm happy with everything else. Basically the heart of my problem is the sex, and the level of passion/desire that I feel for my partner. We've had good sex before, I've felt satisfied, but it ebbs and flows and here's why. It's her weight. I'm not trying to be shallow here and I know physical beauty is only a small part of it but it's an important part. And she is beautiful, pretty and I think looks especia lly good for someone her size.She's a small bit over 250, it creates physical obstacles and severely limits what we do in bed because really what can we do. My biggest issue is I can't even enjoy missionary because it's uncomfortable and always has been.You're probably wondering why I would stay if all these things bother me so much, and the answer is that I love her and she is really special to me. At the very beginning I thought about these things and while they bothered me less back then, I still found this resonance with her. See, she is an incredible girlfriend and just gives and gives and does almost anything she can to make me happy, but when I'm hung up on this other stuff the truth is no amount of nice things can make me right.On top of all that, she tries to change it, always saying she's just started eating better and working out (the weight gain was mostly from her pregnancy she says), and this will last a couple days/week and then its done with no progress. This has happened countless times, although right now she does seem to be sticking to it more and she has changed her eating habits which is awesome and I tell her that.I left out an important bit, I cheated on her about halfway through the relationship so about 2 years ago. She found about it a couple days after it happened, I felt like crap and she of course felt a million times worse. She pretty much begged me to stay because I was unsure what to do at that point. But this happened because I was hitting my head on the wall 2 years ago and now I'm doing it again.First of all I wanna say thanks to anyone who took the time to read all this, I know the answer most people will say is leave her because I am not happy and am just stringing her along but it doesn't feel that simple. I'm also not with her because I'm afraid to be alone, I know I can get a girl, it's that I'm afraid being without her is a mistake. She really is great and I may be making the mistake of a lifetime but I don't know. Also I realize how incredibly unfair it is to her that she's loving me with all of herself and I'm giving her much less.
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