How I am going to try and move forward.

I have been reading a lot more lately. This morning, I woke up and decided to put this all together. I thought I would share it with you. It is a culmination of personal thoughts, ideas from different sources I have read and recommendations from people I love and trust. "Take what you like and leave the rest behind." I am hoping it will help me ACCEPT what needs to be done. I have kept telling myself that letting go of him is the hardest thing I am going to do. But it does not matter anymore. It has come to a point that letting go is now a requirement for me to not lose more of my life and make the situation more confusing for my children. I fear "truly letting go" is going to be difficult for me. However, I need to remind myself that in other tough times I have been able to move forward. I just need to do it again. I am also starting to accept that it may be freeing for me. I need to get control of myself, my mind and where I put my energy. It isn't easy, but I must. It has been keeping me stuck for over two years. So I need to try this, if I still love him, then let him go, let him live his life. Let him try a new relationship that makes him "happy" and stop my own suffering by fighting it all. He is not making this hard – but I am! I am allowing him to manipulate me. STOP STOP STOP. Relax and breathe. Even if I didn't do it yesterday, it is ok, start looking at myself in the mirror again. Just accept that it is time to stop suffering. He has been gone one year. He is going to do whatever he wants to do, I no longer have any say. He can make a total and complete fool of himself. But, I have no power to stop him (or her). I must stop; digging into all of their activities, spending my time trying to make sense of it, obsessing that I think his life is perfect and what may happen to him in the future. I must try hard to catch myself every time I wonder where they are and what they are doing. If I try really hard, I can immediately stop projecting and then say out loud- "I wish them well". :confused::p:) I seems the healing will begin when I stop looking and judging what he may or may not be doing. The truth can make me feel very helpless and alone. But in order to be happy again, I must stop denying it. Then, I can get busy creating my new life with lots of friends, new relationships, career, love and laughter. Let it go, and begin to place all of my time and energy into my own life and my three beautiful children. So even if it is 100 times a day, whenever I feel powerless, helpless, sad and angry, I must stop, take a deep breath and remind myself; who I am, what I have right now and get excited about my future ! I know I will be ok because I have: no guilt, shame or big regrets willingness to grow and take responsibility for my actions three children who trust and respect me the comfort that I tried as hard as I could....for a long time health, beauty, brains and exceptional common sense realized that I should listen to my gut instinct because mine actually does works (who knew?) incredible support and love from so many people-(Please remember I am not and will not be alone) the desire to "do the next right thing" and try to follow through with it the excitement of finding a new love and building a more financially secure future for myself to remember I am capable of always having HOPE for a better more fulfilling life. I AM AMAZING! Let go, let my higher power do all of the work and begin living my new life. Just remember to do it ONLY one day at a time!!

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979