| Is it beneficial for my husband and us if he contacts the OW by email to repeat the details to her that he has to me about the regret he has about the 1 time contact with her while he was out of town and the brief email contact he had with her for a couple months after. You can read the threads I posted earlier this year about this, or here is a bit of the story: The reality of the fact that although he very much enjoyed her undivided attention and company during the evening that he met her, and he was receiving attention that had been missing which eventually led to him inviting her to his hotel room. They made out briefly, didn't have sex ( I talked to her on one occasion and it was quite clear that it was never an option for her) as he said none of the physical interaction was anticipated and that sex was definitely not an option ......He was never looking to leave our marriage nor was he ever interested in the OW in a romantic or sexual way, but admitted he certainly got his ego stroked, and did cheat. The 2 and a half months of email contact after he returned home were platonic and he naively felt that communicating with her this was would prove to himself that it was only what he ever wanted it to be which was a friendship....but realized that this was unrealistic as they crossed the line initially. He was quite relieved to d iscover that he was no longer interested in a friendship with her and that it all felt wrong. So to make a long story short, and after months of he and I talking about his frame of mind he always maintained that all he ever wanted was me and us to the best that we could be as there had been some distance at times... and the conflicting lonliness he was feeling for some time at the time that he met her....he concluded after much regret, tears and angst that wanted to do whatever I think would be best for my closure. We have ultimately discovered some of the things that were in the way for us and have been on the best terms with our marriage and communication. I told him after reading some info online about one of the steps that the spouse that cheated should do is to have an open disclosure to the OW. Now he did email her right away when he finally disclosed all the details to me 3 months later. He showed me the final email as well as the other emails, and his final one was a brief statement saying he was no longer contacting her and that he should be sharing such details with his wife whom he loved very much. Part of me would have liked for him to have been more explicit with her about how he was in effect playing a role with her that was not who is he is in order to achieve an attentive result. He was not actively interested in a real relationship with her, but in essence using her to meet a need. He has disclosed all this to me. It comes down to justice in my mind....it doesn't seem fair to me that she gets to carry on merrily with her active social life where she lives....without realizing the impact(on me, him and us) of her role in the brief time she met and then corresponded with my husband....friend or not. I'd like her to know that she got about as much as she was entitled to...nothing. Sounds vindictive I know, but it's more about knowing that there are consequences for your actions...and hers were that the person who portrayed interest in her was not..... and is ashamed and regretful and wishes he could take it back and should have talked to me about the issues he was having with himself and us. 6 months have passed now since he ended his communication with her so I feel the window was missed for him to be more frank with her and that I will have to deal with my feelings of her getting off without some responsibility. He feels he would do this if it would help with closure for me. What do you all think? Thanks so much for taking the time to read this, I can't believe how insightful and helpful people have been at this forum for my previous posts on this situation. Its very valuable to me!:) | |||
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