| My name is Chris, I live in AZ. I have been married for 6 years and have been with my wife for almost 9 years. I have a lot of problems, so let me begin by saying that we are separated...but we have to live together because of the financial situation we are in. Let me explain. I lie, I have lied my whole life. I have hurt people, but I didn't care because I was feeling good with what I was doing. I was talking to women that weren't my wife/fiance and since it was just talking I didn't see it as cheating. I had a previous relationship before my wife that I just came to the realization that it made me bitter. She started seeing her ex husband behind my back while I was on vacation so when I got back she broke it off. I was blind sided and hurt. When I started dating my wife, I wasn't ready. But I wanted to be with someone, and she made me feel good so why not? The cheating began about a month after I asked her to marry me. I asked for some picture of a girl who I had met on a car forum and she sent me naked pictures. I didn't think anything of it and didn't tell my wife because it was my business. There have been instances where I have invited girls out, talked to women (dozens) about inappropriate things through out my marriage. I also didn't think I could express my feelings or emotions with my wife because I was afraid. She was basiclly yelling at me to do so, and I ignored her. The breaking point was 2 events. She wanted to text friend on my phone since she didn't have hers so I gave it to her and she scrolled through my texts and asked me who every one was, and then she started reading the texts and that was that. I don't know why I didn't erase them, I think I wanted to be caught. Maybe it was the thrill... I'm still not sure. But she wanted to leave right then and there. We talked, and we decided I would come clean about everything...and I almost did. I still held some things back...my biggest mistake ever when I had the chance. We were good for 2 weeks then a lie that I knew was out there came to light again. And not only did my wife make me move out of the house, but I ended up hurting 2 of my friends who will never speak to me again. There is so much more to story, and I will will reveal more as time goes on. She doesn't like me, she doesn't love me. I don't deserve it right now. She also doesn't believe anything I say is true because I have done this before...the whole lying, getting caught, saying I'll never do it again...then do it again. So there is nothing between us right now. I have found a local therapist, I have accepted God in to my life for the first time, and I'm continuously talking to my wife about things and how I feel. She doesn't care, but she does listen. I hope on this board that I can find people who have been though this, have suggestions or ideas on how to proceed. I know I have problems, I know that I change, though I didn't want to before. She is worth everything to me, and I will do anything to get her back. This is not some elabraote game that I have played before, this is something completely different, or at least to me it is. She's not any where close to even being friends with me, let alone be with me. Thanks for reading, and I hope to get some advice! Take Care! | |||
| | |||
| | |||
|
No comments:
Post a Comment