| Hi folks, I posted about 6 months ago, regarding problems with my wife of less than a year. We've been working with several counselors and it seems like we get better one week and then worse the next. I made a mistake marrying my wife. It was a rebound relationship having just been devastated by my ex leaving me after 13 years. Within 18 months of the divorce, I married my current wife. I didn't see it as a "rebound" relationship at the time but clearly it was. To be blunt, I've bit off way more than I chew. I have four step kids in addition to my own two of which I have shared custody. My wife was working full time before we were married and we discussed that continuing once things were settled. That hasn't happened yet for various reasons. She does attend graduate school so eventually we will have two incomes, but that is about 3 years down the road. Plus the college loans will be quite steep so, I'm not sure how much her income will actually help. I've had to give up quite a bit to make the finances work. All of my hobbies....GONE! We are literally living check to check, which is not what I had expected. I'd be somewhat more accepting of the situation, if DW would keep a clean house. The house which I owned prior to getting married, is a complete wreck! There are piles of laundry everywhere. My wife keeps heaps of piles on our room. It is sometimes difficult to see our floor....it's THAT bad! The step kids are challenging. I've really bonded with two of them, but the other two have been difficult for different reasons. One of the boys is 12 years old and has a constipation problem. As a result, he literally poops his pants every day! For whatever reason, he says he doesn't realize when his pants are full of poop, so he will happily go on about his business without a care in world. Everything he sits on ends up stinking of feces! I've seen a chunk of poop fall out of shorts before and on to the carpet! I'm sorry if this sounds petty, but I'm a bit of a germ-a-phobe. I'm completely repulsed by him. It's not entirely his fault, but he is not very cooperative in taking responsibility for his problems like scheduled sitting-on-the-pot times, cleaning up after himself, ect. My wife and I do NOT see eye to eye on how to handle issues with the kids. This has been a huge point of contention. It creates an enormous power struggle between myself and the wife/skids. We fight about everything. We have almost no shared interests. DW does not have any hobbies, so I am left to be her "everything". I'm starting to loathe going home. I know every time we open our mouths, it's going to lead to an argument. I find myself fantasizing about being a bachelor again quite frequently. There are some positives.
Honestly, my heart is not in this any more. As much as I don't want to hurt my wife or step kids, I keep thinking about how much worse it will be if we prolong things. We aren't even at the one year mark. The stress and fights between DW and I have already taken a huge toll on the kids. DW is crushed. She knows that I want out, even though I'm continuing to try. IDK....part of me says...this is my fault...just deal with it, even if you are miserable. I'd just HATE to find myself divorcing DW 5 years down the road having been miserable the whole time. OR....maybe it will get better. To make matters worse, DW will not agree to divorce so it will be up to me to file and ask her to leave the house. She was living with her parents before we met and I'm sure she could move back in with them. I HATE THIS and don't know what to do. I know how hurtful it is to have a spouse leave....I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy so I'm completely conflicted. I just wish DW would agree to cut our loses and move on. I'm miserable and if my wife were honest, so is she! Anyone care to share some insight or advice? Do I try a different MC and stick with it? How long is a reasonable amount of time to try to work on a relationship that's been really bumpy from the first week of marriage? TIA | |||
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