At a fork in the road

I'm at a fork in the road in my marriage, so to speak. While I've known it for some time, ignorance is bliss, and I've usually always turned a blind eye to our differences. Now I've hit an age where I'm really starting to think about things in a deeper light, and realise that I won't be on this planet forever. Therefore I need to sort my sh!t out. I want a chance at this 'happy' life people speak of, before it's too late. Once upon a time I knew I had time on my side. Now I'm at an age where I'm supposed to have it all together, and not be contemplating the big D (I told you it's been on my mind for a long time...). I'm supposed to know where I'm at in life, I'm supposed to be settled, and not be thinking like this. By whom, I'm not sure but isn't it the age old thing - once you hit a certain age you're supposed to just BE?! While he is perfectly happy to arrive home each Friday, sink his teeth into a few coldies and do nothing (not ever, not even if planned), I would much prefer to head out for a nice dinner, see a movie, or just chill at home - not surrounded by him swigging a new beer every 10 minutes (ugh). This doesn't change during the week, either. I've always had a love of exploring, of seeing the world. When we met, I had the visa, I had the money, and I had the will to do it - I was going to London to take it on - one working-holiday-maker lifestyle at a time. We fell in love, and that went on the back burner. He said he'd promise to take me. 7 years on, and I'm still waiting. I bring it up from time to time, but it's usually always shrugged off with the promise of 'one day'. Last weekend, I joked around with him - said I was booking a ticket. He was shocked, but went with it - assuming it was for both of us. When I told him it was just me, he fought it a little. I asked him why we should effectively waste $7K-10K on bringing another one of us when that 'other one of us' has little to no interest in visiting the place. I asked him if he'd be interested in coming. He said not now, 'later on in life'. I have little plans of waiting until I'm retired to visit the world. We've been on one overseas holiday (Bali) 4 years ago, and it was the worst holiday of my life (no exaggeration. While I was sleeping, he'd be partying up in Kuta, arriving back at the hotel at some light hour of the morning 6-8AM absolutely sh!t faced. This continued for most of the whole 10 days we were there. I'd been to Bali several times before, and adored the place - now I never want to go back. This also affects most, if not all of the weekends away (camping) we go on. We both smoke. I want to quit, he doesn't. I'm a firm believer in, if I'm going to quit after so many years of being a smoker, I need support. We don't communicate - at all. Unless we're drinking (both of us), and we make conversation - let's face it, a lot easier to do after a few drinks. Other than that, we have no similar interests it seems. So I pose my question - doesn't this constitute as wanting 'different things in life', or 'growing apart'? Irreconcilable differences? Please, no suggestions of counselling. We've been there, done that. He says I control him, I say he holds me back.

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