| I had posted a few threads about things in my marriage I have not been happy with. For example, my husband's addiction to video games and electronics, disinterest in working out/healthy lifestyle, and occasional instances of verbal abuse. I have addressed these issues with him and he has made some changes. He has not spoken to me in a disresectful manner, and he has cut back on the gaming although he still partakes in it more than one should. It took essentially threats of divorce from me in order to effect these changes in him. However, I find that I am still unhappy and I don't know if the problem is him or me. I am going to counseling, and my counselor feels that I should get out of the marriage. These are the current issues: 1) lack of sexual attraction on my part. He is up for sex but I am not. However I do find myself attracted to other men and often dream about sex with random people. I don't even like kissing him. I was very attracted to him in the beginning of our relationship but have not had an interest in sex with him for the majority of our 13 year marriage. I don't like the way he acts during sexual encounters. It's hard to describe, but it's almost feminine, childlike. Not masculine. 2)He has a very negative attitude about life and everything else. He hates his job, he doesn't like most people, doesn't like kids, complains about everything. The glass is always half empty. Everytime we do something he has to point out how long it took to get there, about how bad the traffic is, how bad the service in the restaurant is, pick apart the food etc. etc.. it's really a downer 3) He is very lazy. When I make dinner, or do food shopping, he hardly ever offers to help in any way. He will only do things that interest him. Just for the record, I am lazy as well and because we are both this way, nothing ever gets done. Will not exercise unless I work out with him. I work out 3 times a week and keep a fit physique. He is maybe 20 lbs overweight, not much, but weight on him doesn't distribute well (sorry if that is superficial sounding) 4) He has a hard time making decisions and lacks confidence and drive. Basically every major life decision and execution has been made by me. If left up to him, we'd still be living in the same one bedroom apartment we started out in when we first started living together. I am always the one booking hotels, calling to make dinner reservations etc.. He'll take the initiative to express interest in doing these things but never makes a firm decision or makes it happen. I have discussed all these issues with him, although #1 not in as much detail as I probably should. the good points: 1) he has a great work ethic and makes a good salary. 2) he is very honest, forthcoming and committed. He would never cheat and is an open book. 3) We share many opinions on various topics 4) makes me laugh, although someomes his humor is very juvenile I thought about MC but my IC feels that there is only so much a person can change and she doesn't see my marriage as anything that a person looking to get married would want. At age 39 I don't want to keep wasting time on a marriage that won't change much, and I'm tired of having to threaten divorce to make things happen, but I'm so afraid of making a major life change and hurting my husband. Any thoughts? | |||
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