| :( Dear All, I wish to seek your advice about how do I manage my insensitive and demanding wife. Both of us are professionals married for 13 years leading busy lives. I work away from home and only come on the w/e. We have 2 kids aged 12 and 6. My wife, though otherwise loving, tends to get short-tempered if I donot meet up her needs or expectations. She will shower all her love so long as I am nice, loving and helping. However, if things go wrong, she tends to put blame on to me, criticise me and make me feel guilty. She tends to be disorganised in her manners, has poor time management & prioritation skills, has tendancy to leave things till last minute and then she pressurises me to sort things out for her. One of the main problems is that if there is anything related to her profession, such a filling in job application forms, making presentations etc., she relies heavily on me due to technical nature of task. She would do very little in terms of her contribution in such matters, leave things till last minute and things will fall on to me get done, much to my resentment. i have repeatedly pointed this out to her, but sadly of little use. One recent example of her typical behaviour is that she booked for a conference 4-5 months ago where she was to present a poster. for this she had ample time to at least so the ground work. However, she left things till last minute and asked me to help one day prior to the poster submission date. When I looked at what she had done so far, I found that, as usual, she had done minimal work. She was on a night shift on the two previous nights and was apparantly tired. OK fine.....I agreed to prepare the poster, though I was silently resentful of why she had not done any ground work well in advance. It took me good few hours do collect relevant material and prepare poster on power point. Somewhere along the way I got quite frustrated and told her politely that she should have done some ground work in advance so that it would have been easier. ....that's it......it just blew the lid from her top......she started raising her voice, making excuses about not having enough time, that she has been so busy ( the fact is, despite being busy she still could spare time to do it). She started accusing me that by saying this I was making her angry. I also then reacted a bit angrily and she then cut off the conversation. I completed the poster, but then emailed to her expressing my displeasure and unhappiness about her behavior, with a view that she will reflect and learn from it. However, she then emailed me back accusing me of being insensitive all through our marriage, said that in future she will not depend on me for any work, and what i said to her (at a wrong time when she was tired after night shift......although this all happended after she had couple of hours rest) amounted to DOMESTIC VOILANCE!!!!!! I am further upset since then. On one hand I have gone through the burdon of having to sort out things for her in last minute ( without any regard or reward !). On other hand, I am being accused of being insensitive and of doing DOMESTIC VIOLANCE!! The reality is that I feel this is her tactic to manipulate me, upset me and cold shoulder me. She is expert in cold treatment and in the past, when-ever there have been arguments, she just switches off for few days, and it is me who always then re-establishes communication and resolves the matter. It is so difficult to extract out even a sorry from her. I am confused as to how to deal with such situations, and how do I handle her in long term, as at the age of 43, it really hurts whenever this happens. I have noticed that over last few years she has become more and more vocal and critical. Please advise. | |||
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