In a real mess

Hi everyone. To be honest I am probably writing this for me to recognise the truth rather than you to recognise it but in the back of my head I am sort of hoping you will all say "you're a crazy jealous woman and need to sort yourself out" so I don't need to face the pain of divorce. So here goes ... Married 4 years, husband worked away for 3.5 years. First 6 months of marriage was amazing but as soon as he started working away everything changed. I see him one or two nights a week. He had an affair for 1 year (it ended 14 months ago). I have tried very hard to move forward and I really do believe he stopped physically cheating after the affair but his behaviour is still driving me mad. When I try to chat online or by text he says he is not a chatty person but when I am with him he spends all his time chatting online to people he works with and sees almost every day. He says they are more fun than me because they are younger and not religious. We do not speak during the week, if we have to call for something it's a 5 minute business like chat. He recently said he will go on holiday with his work friends later this year. I said a husband and wife should holiday together, so he said he will not go. A week later he said he will go on a different holiday with different friends, I said nothing. Last week he said he will go to a third place with his friends from work. When I had a fight about it and asked where he intends going with me he went nuts, swearing and saying I am sick in the head and he is not a dog on a lead. A couple of weeks ago he said an old work friend (a young woman) was coming to the area and he might offer his room for her to sleep in as he works nights ... I asked what will happen at 7am when he finishes work and she is asleep in his bed. He didn't answer and sent her a message saying he can't offer his room because his wife is a very jealous woman. He is the king of bait and switch. Whatever he does wrong it is my fault and he turns it into something I did. For example his affair, whenever I found evidence he would scream and shout because I was spying. When he acts like a single guy and I complain he says I just love to make problems and what he is doing is normal, I'm just sick in the head and need to see a doctor. Basically I am married and he is single. I am religious and he no longer cares for religion since meeting his new work friends. I have asked for a divorce many times, I have begged, I've tried speaking calmly and saying if we divorce he can be free and single without a crazy jealous wife giving him headaches and I can find a marriage that suits me but because of our religious beliefs he simply refuses to consider divorce and I can't divorce without his agreement. Comments, suggestions, tactic ideas very welcome as I am at the end of my last nerve.

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