| I have quite a lot of friends at uni as I'm quite sociable, but recently I've had to cut ties with one of my friend groups altogether for saying stuff behind my back. Fortunately, we weren't particularly close and we only met this year, but I'm wondering if anyone else finds it impossible to really be friends with insincere people. My "friends" from this particular group were the sort of people who were very nice and bubbly at first sight - as I am myself - but refused to address any underlying issues in the friend group, got into petty power struggles and always, always kept making ironic, fake statements to continue a pretence of being "nice" or prevent what they said from hiding the real them - I can't stand it when people do that. They'd go on for hours about stuff like indie bands nobody had ever heard of before in a pretentiously serious tone of voice, as though they were afraid to talk about anything that actually made sense. I'm quite decent and down to earth, and even if I'd ever just say something I 100% meant I'd just get a snippy, sarcastic, ironic backhanded compliment back. It was infuriating. Many of them were doing drugs and smoked like chimneys, but, instead of facing up to the problem, they'd watch TV shows about smoking and drugs, discuss how bad it was for them - and then not do a thing about it. They had a tendency to pick on those whom they saw as "lesser" as them, as well. They liked to watch TV shows involving people with mental disorders or with really messed-up lives, or stuff like the Jeremy Kyle Show, and laugh endlessly about it. Their favourite hobby was criticising others. I'm quite popular among my other friends, which these friends didn't seem to like me for as it meant I couldn't spend much time with them. However, I've also been through a hard time recently due to a parent being ill and exams coming up, and I once heard one of them say when he thought I wasn't hearing in a hushed tone behind my back how "heartbreaking" my life was. He was clearly being insincere and didn't give a crap about me. All he wanted was to feel better than me. They'd often slag off a few of the less popular members of their group behind their backs, too. They were always nice to people's faces but in a clearly fake way: they liked to suck up and kick down. As to why I cut ties with them, they were a group of gossipy idiots. Many of my female friends are total girly-girls and sometimes fake in a "nice" way, but when people are fake in an insincere, ironic, sarcastic way due to their own issues it's ridiculous. Stupid rumours and lies got around and I couldn't be bothered to go and continually speak straight to them when I'd get lame apologies like "I didn't say whatever you clearly heard me saying behind your back last night, I'm sorry for whatever on earth I appear to have done wrong" back. Thankfully I don't have to associate with these guys again (though mutual friends who don't know them so well so think they're OK), but am I the only one who can't get on with insincere people? I don't think it's a bad thing that I don't, just surprised people like that have many friends at all. | |||
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