My story goes back about a year ago. Actually, scratch that. My story goes back several years, I'll get back to what happened last year later.
About 9 years ago, I was involved in what I've seen here as an EA. My wife and I had been married at that time, for about 7 years. We had already been having issues, relating to attention, lack of sex, etc, which I was using as an excuse for my bad behavior (the EA). The woman in question was, of course, someone with whom I worked, and had made a connection with. I thought I was just filling a void that was missing in my life, and I didn't realize how bad I had screwed up, until the moment I was caught. My wife managed to get into my email by using the wonderful "Forgot Password" option, and answering a few personal questions. She found some exchanges between myself, and the other woman, which were not so innocent.
The moment I realized I had been caught, was the same moment in which I realized how bad I had screwed up, and realized how I had taken her heart, and our relationship and flushed it down the toilet. I couldn't believe how stupid I had been. I thought it was all over.
She took me back. I didn't deserve it, but she took me back.
Fast forward a few years. We had worked hard to get past what had happened. I focused on her as much as was possible, without being overbearing. She says "Jump", I ask "How High?". She works second shift, so I end up doing most of the housework, running the kids to and fro, etc. Now that's not a complaint, just pointing out that I'm not like the "stereotypical man" that most people seem to think of these days.
It was in January of last year, that I noticed something was "off". It wasn't the lack of sex, as there has been a major lack of sex for many years (See the first part of the story). Now, by lack of sex, I don't mean that I only get it 3-4 times a week, I'm talking about the fact that, if I'm lucky, it's closer to 3 times a year. Again, not complaining, just filling in the story. Now the lack of sex wasn't from lack of trying. I tried plenty. She just wasn't in the mood. Getting affectionate, even such as holding hands, a light touch, etc., usually just raised questions, and ended up just looking silly to her.
Anyways, getting back on track. I noticed something was off. She was suddenly never happy when I was around. Snapping at me for silly things, and just generally moody. She also had started going out with a girlfriend of hers that I'll call B. B was a coworker, whom I had met, that she had become good friends with. It wasn't unusual for the 2 of them, or sometimes 3 of them (another female coworker) to go to a hockey game (which she never wanted to go to with me), or out for drinks, etc. I even got roped into driving downtown one night, to give her drunk friend a ride home, with my wife driving B's car, so she didn't have to retrieve it the next day.
February, my wife was worse. Even more miserable. She now started to get a lot of texts, that she said were from B, though I wasn't allowed access to her locked cell phone.
March. I think I forgot to mention that she works second shift. So, she works second shift. I'm usually in bed when she comes home, as I need to get a few winks in, before getting up for work in the morning. Sometimes I'm still awake, sometimes I'm sleeping. One particular night, I was still awake, but in my happy spot, so I wasn't about to move when she came in. She works in scrubs, so she always comes home and changes into something comfortable for the evening, such as sweats, shorts, etc. On this particular night, I noticed that she dug out jeans, and a nice top. She went into the bathroom, changed, and left the house. Now, I knew something wasn't right, but this really sent up a red flag. A few days later, a lingerie bag showed up, and she had some thongs in it. She doesn't normally wear them, but she said she had discovered how comfortable they were. OK, red flag number 2.
I had no proof. I knew that without proof, confronting her would do nothing, but make her mad at me. I knew I needed to find out, one way, or another.
Now, it was April. The weather was finally breaking, and Easter was here. We celebrated Easter with the family at our house. Her parents came over as usual. We ate too much dinner, and we relaxed after it was all over.
Her cell phone went off. She grabbed it, and immediately started texting the sender back. There was a quick back and forth with her, and the sender. She stood up, and stated that B wanted her to go out for a couple of drinks. I knew something was up. She dressed up, put on some perfume, and went out. She had told me that she wasn't sure where they were going. Red flag number 3.
When we were dating, we would go down by the waterfront at night, when the weather was nice. There was usually a nice breeze coming off of the water, and the area was quiet, so we could talk, and hang out. We both enjoyed going there and walking around talking. On a hunch, I decided that after she had left to hang out with B, I would take a drive down there, and see if I would run into her.
As I'm driving, I start to get nervous. I'm not sure I really want to know. It's one thing to speculate that your SO is cheating, it's another to have confirmation of it. I didn't know if I could take it. At least it was a nice night out, that helped calm me a little. It was a bit cool yet, so I made sure I threw on a hoodie before I left the house.
I reached the waterfront, and see a few cars parked along the side of the road, as usual. I drive up the road, and sure enough, there's her SUV. Holy $hit. I actually found her. My stomach starts flipping. I can't imagine that she and B would be here, B is more of a bar type. I drive down a little ways, turn around, and park about 5 cars behind my wife. There aren't a whole lot of people here, but it is the usual assortment. There are usually one or two people walking by themselves. There's one guy riding by on a bike, and a couple making out by the railing. Wait. Is that? Holy $hit, that woman looks an awful lot like my wife. I sit in my car a bit longer. I don't want to barge in on some random couple, I'm waiting for confirmation. My stomach is really doing flips now. I feel like I'm going to be sick. It's clear that this couple is quite intimate, as they look like they are comfortable with each other. They finally come up for air, and the woman looks in my direction. It's my wife! Confirmation. Wow..... Luckily, it was rather dark where I was parked, as I was away from a street light, or else she would have spotted my car.
The two of them turned away from me, so I figured it would be a good time to go say hi! I got out of my car without too much noise, as I didn't want to draw their attention to me yet. When I got out, I flipped up my hood, because I didn't want to be spotted too soon. I walked across some grass to the cement walkway along the water, and walked over to them. I could hear them talking as I got close, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. He had his arm around her, and she was standing in close to him. I walked around the front of them, and took off my hood. I will never forget the look on her face. A cold shock of pure terror crossed her face, though the guy she was with looked confused. I looked him dead in the eye, and said to him "You must be B, because that's who my wife told me she was out with!" He started to stutter a bit. My wife started asking me what I was doing there, to which I responded that I was catching her cheating. I told her to go f*$k herself, and that I was moving out. I popped her the double bird and left.
I don't really remember the ride home, but I know I got there safe and sound. It was late, and I had to work the next day, so I went to bed.
Fast forward to today. I didn't leave. She tells me that she never slept with him, but I don't believe her. She tells me she isn't still seeing him. I don't believe her on that either, as she is still going out with B on a regular basis, and still keeps her cell phone private. She also is in a bowling league made up of people from her place of business, and has stated that I can't go, because spouses aren't allowed to attend if they aren't employed there, even if they are not bowling. She is a bit nicer, but her behaviour outside of that isn't any different. She tells me that she did it, because she wasn't getting enough attention at home (which is crap). In addition to all this, I'm still kicking myself for not asking his name, and she refused to tell me his name, saying he didn't know, though it seems that most of her coworkers know she's married, and I'm unsure how he didn't.
I'd really like to find proof one way or another at this point. I'm tired of not knowing and just speculating. I want to find out if she's still cheating, or not. If I could afford a private investigator, I'd get one, but unfortunately that isn't going to happen. Catching her the first time was just a matter of chance.
My biggest question though, is am I a jerk for being so mad at her still, being as I was the first one to look elsewhere, or am I justified?
P.S. Sorry this is so long
About 9 years ago, I was involved in what I've seen here as an EA. My wife and I had been married at that time, for about 7 years. We had already been having issues, relating to attention, lack of sex, etc, which I was using as an excuse for my bad behavior (the EA). The woman in question was, of course, someone with whom I worked, and had made a connection with. I thought I was just filling a void that was missing in my life, and I didn't realize how bad I had screwed up, until the moment I was caught. My wife managed to get into my email by using the wonderful "Forgot Password" option, and answering a few personal questions. She found some exchanges between myself, and the other woman, which were not so innocent.
The moment I realized I had been caught, was the same moment in which I realized how bad I had screwed up, and realized how I had taken her heart, and our relationship and flushed it down the toilet. I couldn't believe how stupid I had been. I thought it was all over.
She took me back. I didn't deserve it, but she took me back.
Fast forward a few years. We had worked hard to get past what had happened. I focused on her as much as was possible, without being overbearing. She says "Jump", I ask "How High?". She works second shift, so I end up doing most of the housework, running the kids to and fro, etc. Now that's not a complaint, just pointing out that I'm not like the "stereotypical man" that most people seem to think of these days.
It was in January of last year, that I noticed something was "off". It wasn't the lack of sex, as there has been a major lack of sex for many years (See the first part of the story). Now, by lack of sex, I don't mean that I only get it 3-4 times a week, I'm talking about the fact that, if I'm lucky, it's closer to 3 times a year. Again, not complaining, just filling in the story. Now the lack of sex wasn't from lack of trying. I tried plenty. She just wasn't in the mood. Getting affectionate, even such as holding hands, a light touch, etc., usually just raised questions, and ended up just looking silly to her.
Anyways, getting back on track. I noticed something was off. She was suddenly never happy when I was around. Snapping at me for silly things, and just generally moody. She also had started going out with a girlfriend of hers that I'll call B. B was a coworker, whom I had met, that she had become good friends with. It wasn't unusual for the 2 of them, or sometimes 3 of them (another female coworker) to go to a hockey game (which she never wanted to go to with me), or out for drinks, etc. I even got roped into driving downtown one night, to give her drunk friend a ride home, with my wife driving B's car, so she didn't have to retrieve it the next day.
February, my wife was worse. Even more miserable. She now started to get a lot of texts, that she said were from B, though I wasn't allowed access to her locked cell phone.
March. I think I forgot to mention that she works second shift. So, she works second shift. I'm usually in bed when she comes home, as I need to get a few winks in, before getting up for work in the morning. Sometimes I'm still awake, sometimes I'm sleeping. One particular night, I was still awake, but in my happy spot, so I wasn't about to move when she came in. She works in scrubs, so she always comes home and changes into something comfortable for the evening, such as sweats, shorts, etc. On this particular night, I noticed that she dug out jeans, and a nice top. She went into the bathroom, changed, and left the house. Now, I knew something wasn't right, but this really sent up a red flag. A few days later, a lingerie bag showed up, and she had some thongs in it. She doesn't normally wear them, but she said she had discovered how comfortable they were. OK, red flag number 2.
I had no proof. I knew that without proof, confronting her would do nothing, but make her mad at me. I knew I needed to find out, one way, or another.
Now, it was April. The weather was finally breaking, and Easter was here. We celebrated Easter with the family at our house. Her parents came over as usual. We ate too much dinner, and we relaxed after it was all over.
Her cell phone went off. She grabbed it, and immediately started texting the sender back. There was a quick back and forth with her, and the sender. She stood up, and stated that B wanted her to go out for a couple of drinks. I knew something was up. She dressed up, put on some perfume, and went out. She had told me that she wasn't sure where they were going. Red flag number 3.
When we were dating, we would go down by the waterfront at night, when the weather was nice. There was usually a nice breeze coming off of the water, and the area was quiet, so we could talk, and hang out. We both enjoyed going there and walking around talking. On a hunch, I decided that after she had left to hang out with B, I would take a drive down there, and see if I would run into her.
As I'm driving, I start to get nervous. I'm not sure I really want to know. It's one thing to speculate that your SO is cheating, it's another to have confirmation of it. I didn't know if I could take it. At least it was a nice night out, that helped calm me a little. It was a bit cool yet, so I made sure I threw on a hoodie before I left the house.
I reached the waterfront, and see a few cars parked along the side of the road, as usual. I drive up the road, and sure enough, there's her SUV. Holy $hit. I actually found her. My stomach starts flipping. I can't imagine that she and B would be here, B is more of a bar type. I drive down a little ways, turn around, and park about 5 cars behind my wife. There aren't a whole lot of people here, but it is the usual assortment. There are usually one or two people walking by themselves. There's one guy riding by on a bike, and a couple making out by the railing. Wait. Is that? Holy $hit, that woman looks an awful lot like my wife. I sit in my car a bit longer. I don't want to barge in on some random couple, I'm waiting for confirmation. My stomach is really doing flips now. I feel like I'm going to be sick. It's clear that this couple is quite intimate, as they look like they are comfortable with each other. They finally come up for air, and the woman looks in my direction. It's my wife! Confirmation. Wow..... Luckily, it was rather dark where I was parked, as I was away from a street light, or else she would have spotted my car.
The two of them turned away from me, so I figured it would be a good time to go say hi! I got out of my car without too much noise, as I didn't want to draw their attention to me yet. When I got out, I flipped up my hood, because I didn't want to be spotted too soon. I walked across some grass to the cement walkway along the water, and walked over to them. I could hear them talking as I got close, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. He had his arm around her, and she was standing in close to him. I walked around the front of them, and took off my hood. I will never forget the look on her face. A cold shock of pure terror crossed her face, though the guy she was with looked confused. I looked him dead in the eye, and said to him "You must be B, because that's who my wife told me she was out with!" He started to stutter a bit. My wife started asking me what I was doing there, to which I responded that I was catching her cheating. I told her to go f*$k herself, and that I was moving out. I popped her the double bird and left.
I don't really remember the ride home, but I know I got there safe and sound. It was late, and I had to work the next day, so I went to bed.
Fast forward to today. I didn't leave. She tells me that she never slept with him, but I don't believe her. She tells me she isn't still seeing him. I don't believe her on that either, as she is still going out with B on a regular basis, and still keeps her cell phone private. She also is in a bowling league made up of people from her place of business, and has stated that I can't go, because spouses aren't allowed to attend if they aren't employed there, even if they are not bowling. She is a bit nicer, but her behaviour outside of that isn't any different. She tells me that she did it, because she wasn't getting enough attention at home (which is crap). In addition to all this, I'm still kicking myself for not asking his name, and she refused to tell me his name, saying he didn't know, though it seems that most of her coworkers know she's married, and I'm unsure how he didn't.
I'd really like to find proof one way or another at this point. I'm tired of not knowing and just speculating. I want to find out if she's still cheating, or not. If I could afford a private investigator, I'd get one, but unfortunately that isn't going to happen. Catching her the first time was just a matter of chance.
My biggest question though, is am I a jerk for being so mad at her still, being as I was the first one to look elsewhere, or am I justified?
P.S. Sorry this is so long
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