Ok, so I would say that in the past year and a half my sex life with my husband has declined. At first I didn't think much of it since we were still doing it twice a week and we were both satisfied. I figured with both age and work, this was normal and the key words - we were both satisfied. At least I was, and my husband didn't make any mention of it either.
Now our sex life has declined ever more. I would say my husband gets sexual gratification from me at least once a week through oral or PIV but here's the problem. I will sometimes give him a quick BJ or HJ because he is horny and get nothing in return. In past I was ok with this as he would make up for it later but now I am finding myself going without sex for up to two weeks at a time and am becoming very frustrated. We have discussed this many times and always hit a roadblock of sorts. For instance, this weekend I gave my husband a BJ/HJ for a good 45 minutes to hour and focussed all the pleasure on him. Aunt Flo was visiting so I told the next day we were to go and he seemed satisfied and said he would make up for my lack of pleasure. So the next day rolls around, I initiate sex and he turns me down claiming he's too tired. I am ok with this. I try the next night and his excuse is it's too late. I was too tired the next night so I didn't initiate and then last night I mentioned it but he didn't seem too enthused so I didn't take it any further. He'll eventually give in and have sex but then the sex repeats and I go without sex for another 10-14 days.
This has taken a real hit at my self esteem. I feel undesirable and I feel like giving up. I have tried to be more affectionate during the day and evening but when it comes to hit the sheets there is always an excuse and it is becoming rare for my husband to initiate.
I also find when we do have sex; my husband is really resistant about going to the nether regions. He used to give me oral but it has become a rare occurrence happening maybe once every few months and even touching down there is becoming a thing of the past. It is like he is scared of my vagina. Or sometimes the situation is the opposite. At times, my husband becomes hyper focused on me having the big O so he'll hammer away solely on my clit which causes more pain than pleasure. I have told him to just enjoy the ride and if it happens it happens but if not that is ok too.
So what do I do? I feel very unsatisfied in my relationship sexually and it is leading to frustration, anger and sadness on my part.
I should add that my husband and I discussed this issue a few months ago and I found out that he was using porn 2-3 times a week. I was really hurt that he felt the need to use porn instead of me and after some thought and research on men and porn I asked him to quit. He says he has but deep down I don't think he has or he would want me more. Would it be intrusive on me to go through his history and look to see if he is viewing porn and if he is, do I confront him even though I was the one snooping?
Prior to all this, my husband and I had a great sex life. Now I just feel like he has become a lazy lover.
Before anyone asks, I highly doubt my husband is having an affair. He's never gone for long periods of time or has shown any clues to having an affair.
Now our sex life has declined ever more. I would say my husband gets sexual gratification from me at least once a week through oral or PIV but here's the problem. I will sometimes give him a quick BJ or HJ because he is horny and get nothing in return. In past I was ok with this as he would make up for it later but now I am finding myself going without sex for up to two weeks at a time and am becoming very frustrated. We have discussed this many times and always hit a roadblock of sorts. For instance, this weekend I gave my husband a BJ/HJ for a good 45 minutes to hour and focussed all the pleasure on him. Aunt Flo was visiting so I told the next day we were to go and he seemed satisfied and said he would make up for my lack of pleasure. So the next day rolls around, I initiate sex and he turns me down claiming he's too tired. I am ok with this. I try the next night and his excuse is it's too late. I was too tired the next night so I didn't initiate and then last night I mentioned it but he didn't seem too enthused so I didn't take it any further. He'll eventually give in and have sex but then the sex repeats and I go without sex for another 10-14 days.
This has taken a real hit at my self esteem. I feel undesirable and I feel like giving up. I have tried to be more affectionate during the day and evening but when it comes to hit the sheets there is always an excuse and it is becoming rare for my husband to initiate.
I also find when we do have sex; my husband is really resistant about going to the nether regions. He used to give me oral but it has become a rare occurrence happening maybe once every few months and even touching down there is becoming a thing of the past. It is like he is scared of my vagina. Or sometimes the situation is the opposite. At times, my husband becomes hyper focused on me having the big O so he'll hammer away solely on my clit which causes more pain than pleasure. I have told him to just enjoy the ride and if it happens it happens but if not that is ok too.
So what do I do? I feel very unsatisfied in my relationship sexually and it is leading to frustration, anger and sadness on my part.
I should add that my husband and I discussed this issue a few months ago and I found out that he was using porn 2-3 times a week. I was really hurt that he felt the need to use porn instead of me and after some thought and research on men and porn I asked him to quit. He says he has but deep down I don't think he has or he would want me more. Would it be intrusive on me to go through his history and look to see if he is viewing porn and if he is, do I confront him even though I was the one snooping?
Prior to all this, my husband and I had a great sex life. Now I just feel like he has become a lazy lover.
Before anyone asks, I highly doubt my husband is having an affair. He's never gone for long periods of time or has shown any clues to having an affair.
Put the internet to work for you.
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