my gut tells me my H is in an EA .. and i don't think he realizes it
i got the "ILYBNILWY" speech twice this year, once in February and just as recently as almost 3 weeks ago; i immediately panicked, started "fixing" things right away and still here we are 8 months later not much better; he told me he does deeply still love me and i am very important to him but he is not sure he can get his passion back for me
he has developed a very close friendship with a co-worker over the past several months, probably beginning about April - June time frame .. before the end of June, i never really placed much focus on their friendship developing, but, at the end of June is when it became much more evident to me that something had changed
he began to become more secretive or hiding things from me and that is when my uneasiness began .. i started snooping on his phone and looking at our phone records .. texts between them can be numerous some days, never usually after working hours and hardly ever on the weekends .. also they do talk to each other at work constantly, but again, their positions in the company are very intertwined .. none of the texts i saw were ever really earth shattering, most always work related, but, according to our phone records, there were deleted ones, so i don't know what those could have been about .. not a lot, but some .. i am fairly certain they workout at the gym on occasion, bc there have been calls or texts as early as 4-5 am
he may or may not know i have been snooping, at times i feel like he does know i have looked at his phone, maybe he has installed something that tracks activity .. i don't know .. he has no idea i know about them probably working out together, he still never confessed that to me when i talked to him a couple weeks ago about how uneasy i became about their friendship and how i felt he was hiding things .. he just told me he could tell i was upset about her at the end of June so he just didn't say anything to upset me; in hindsight, bringing up an EA with him might have made a lot of sense
he never didn't talk about her .. he has talked to me about her and things going on at work, etc .. but what is never revealed is "OW and i had lunch today"; "worked out with OW this morning"
my question is .. if it's hard to have any hard proof to share with him to expose it, how did you go about revealing your concerns about an EA to your WS?
we started MC and each have an IC session next week .. would this be a good forum for me to express to the therapist my concerns about the EA? then he facilitates it in our next joint session?
i have read about checking his phone for deleted messages, and honestly i wouldn't be able to get his phone away from him to do that .. i think regardless of what those texts may or may not have said, their conversations i can't hear could mean much more
i read so many conflicting things about "don't push right now"; "keep your emotions in check and stay strong"
right now we are so early in the stages of hopefully trying to save our marriage, i don't want to jeopardize any chance of working to R .. but i realize if there is an EA, that has to stop first for any chance, but convincing him to take a hard look at that? well that is the million dollar question
i got the "ILYBNILWY" speech twice this year, once in February and just as recently as almost 3 weeks ago; i immediately panicked, started "fixing" things right away and still here we are 8 months later not much better; he told me he does deeply still love me and i am very important to him but he is not sure he can get his passion back for me
he has developed a very close friendship with a co-worker over the past several months, probably beginning about April - June time frame .. before the end of June, i never really placed much focus on their friendship developing, but, at the end of June is when it became much more evident to me that something had changed
he began to become more secretive or hiding things from me and that is when my uneasiness began .. i started snooping on his phone and looking at our phone records .. texts between them can be numerous some days, never usually after working hours and hardly ever on the weekends .. also they do talk to each other at work constantly, but again, their positions in the company are very intertwined .. none of the texts i saw were ever really earth shattering, most always work related, but, according to our phone records, there were deleted ones, so i don't know what those could have been about .. not a lot, but some .. i am fairly certain they workout at the gym on occasion, bc there have been calls or texts as early as 4-5 am
he may or may not know i have been snooping, at times i feel like he does know i have looked at his phone, maybe he has installed something that tracks activity .. i don't know .. he has no idea i know about them probably working out together, he still never confessed that to me when i talked to him a couple weeks ago about how uneasy i became about their friendship and how i felt he was hiding things .. he just told me he could tell i was upset about her at the end of June so he just didn't say anything to upset me; in hindsight, bringing up an EA with him might have made a lot of sense
he never didn't talk about her .. he has talked to me about her and things going on at work, etc .. but what is never revealed is "OW and i had lunch today"; "worked out with OW this morning"
my question is .. if it's hard to have any hard proof to share with him to expose it, how did you go about revealing your concerns about an EA to your WS?
we started MC and each have an IC session next week .. would this be a good forum for me to express to the therapist my concerns about the EA? then he facilitates it in our next joint session?
i have read about checking his phone for deleted messages, and honestly i wouldn't be able to get his phone away from him to do that .. i think regardless of what those texts may or may not have said, their conversations i can't hear could mean much more
i read so many conflicting things about "don't push right now"; "keep your emotions in check and stay strong"
right now we are so early in the stages of hopefully trying to save our marriage, i don't want to jeopardize any chance of working to R .. but i realize if there is an EA, that has to stop first for any chance, but convincing him to take a hard look at that? well that is the million dollar question
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