apologies upfront for the long post. seems to be the norm here for OP's though. ;)
ok. i really hate even doing this. this feels almost like a breech of trust on my end, but i really feel like i need an unbiased outside opinion. most of my friends are relation to my wife or married in. and to be honest, im not sure i trust it not getting back to her. i need to get to bed, but i've been putting this off for too long. i dont know if im crazy, over-reacting, paranoid, dillusional, or what.... i just can't seem to follow if my gut is telling me something. wife and i have been married 7 years this october. we have 2 children, B&G. my wife has been acting strange/off/diff for several months now. i started noticing that work was starting to stress her out (she really loves her job, its right up her alley, and she's great at it). she'd get snippy when i asked what time she'd be home. (i work 3rd, mostly wondering so that i would know when to have supper ready & what time to be home with the kids) then she sort of took a liking to a younger co-worker FRIEND (a gir l - completely non sexual) which i encouraged. a local event came up (food tasting from local restaraunts) and i told her "let's go!" and the idea was basically blown off. when her work friends wanted to go - hey yeah sure! let's do it! i brought this up later, and my wife said she figured i'd be tired and didnt really think it would happen. i said that if felt like you blew me off, but when your work friends wanted to go you were all for it. she said it wasn't that.
2. (yep, im numbering them now) we were coming home from a short weekend trip. we stopped to view a lot for sale, as we were thinking of building at the time. our son had her phone and was playing a game. he's 3. we were trying to figure out where the property line was when we both heard a male voice. we realized our son had dialed my wifes phone and aman picked up. right away, i thought it was odd - the mans voice seemed to say "hello" like someone would say it when they didn't want others to hear them, does that make sense? i mean, i really just got that image in my head as soon as i heard it. i reached for the phone, and she did at the same time and got it first. i said "oh its just a voicemail" and wife said "no, its a real number" then she just stared at the screen and hung up. i asked, well who was it? she said idk who it is. anyways, our attention turned back to the property lines and when i looked back at her (mid sentence) i could see she was back to staring at her p hone, and i stopped talking about the house plans and said something like "are you listening? just call them back" she got defensive and changed the subject back to the property line, then jumped right back to it. that was probably the moment the red flags started popping up. this bugged me. and about a week later i looked at her phone log. she leaves the phone lying around every night right on the counter. i checked the number and looked it up. found out its a plastic surgeon. i felt better.... until i realized - what in the hell kind of plastic surgeon answers the phone on a Sunday evening at like 6pm!???! i saw in her call logs 2-3 more calls to the number. now, the number did show up the website as the business number so....??
3. she brought up plastic surgery. my wife has been dealing with low self-esteem all her life. im not real for what she's thinking. but she has brought it up before and this time when she asked i told her "why?? i love you for you, you dont need it, yadda yadda" i htought about it later and said "ok, if it will make you happy" come to find out she'd been calling or receiving calls from that place 2-3 times. that kinda ticked me off. again, WHO ANSWERS ON A SUNDAY EVENING??! the hours weren't even listed for sunday;.they stopped at FRIDAY.
4. the overall lack of sex - in her defense, i've been ...... this is really embarassing, but i've in the last 3 years gone from a 45minute man to well, a minute man. dont know why. dont know what happened. but our sex life has gone from 2-3 times a week, to more like 1 every 1-2 months in the last year especially. even after our first child, it dropped in frequency. she started having sex with me more when we decided to have another baby which was great. but then it fell back down to barely at all after we got pregnant.
5. there were times in this period where initating sex was like like appauling to her. once after i pleaded, she actually said "hurry up! you have 5 minutes!" while that might SOUND hot, the way she said it in reality was like a mother telling a child to clean their room or else. i bascially said forget it and she didn't argue. now here lately, the sex has picked back up. and its been great. but for the last 5 months, minues maybe a handful of times i can see the dissapointment or lack of interest in her eyes when we're done. she also feels distant. we have 2 kids now - sometimes we run off and lock the bedroom door while wonderpets is on. im not delusionally thinking im going to get the same freaky loud sex we used to have. but no laying together afterwards. it feels like the closeness of the afterwards is gone *(man i sound like a wuss - ever heard of a guy WANTING to just lay there holding her when he's done?) we're busy, i get it. but even when we've been alone - as in, k ids spend the night at grandparents house, theres been excuses on why we cant have sex or whatever. this was probably red flag number 2 (looking back)
6. a business trip to vegas has come up. i've gone along before when she worked at a different company and it wasn't an issue. i have ALWAYS wanted to go to vegas. and she knows that. our friends have gone 5-6 times over the years and due to bad financial times we could never go. when asked if maybe i could go along, maybe it could be a nice little anniversary get-a-way i was instead answered with "you can't go - they won't pay for you to go too!" ??? so you're telling me if i happened to just BE IN VEGAS your company would have a hissy? i could meet up with her after she was done, we get get a bite. have some drinks - BE AWAY FROM THE KIDS IN A HOTEL... IN VEGAS.... FOR A WEEK. !?!??! half of the trip would be paid for - if there was ever a time to go, why not go when HALF OF OUR TRIP WOULD BE PAID FOR!? im not expecting to eat on their dime! she treated that like it was just, idiotic and made it sound as if the idea were absurd. but she said "i guess i can ask... i 'll look into it" 3 weeks later she comes home and tells me "yeah, i booked my vegas trip" tells me some details. never brings up me going. fine. you dont want me to go, but she didnt ask. a week later we fight about it and she acts like she doesn't remember the FIRST conversation. and tells me that "well, people just say all the time, "ok, i'll look into" it doesn't mean they always do, i just... i dk, i just said it. im sorry! if i would've known you wanted to go so bad i guess i could've asked." you guys/gals - i love my wife dearly, but i cannot believe she ACTUALLY didnt think i wanted to go, and im sorry but "you just say that to everybody!? exscuse me?! im your HUSBAND! and you basically just told me - that you just say you'll do stuff "all the time" without any real notion of following through. to me, it sems like she never wanted me to go - which is honestly and truly fine - but then JUST TELL ME THAT! DONT SAY "I'LL LOOK INTO IT" when you KNOW you wont! and for th e record - again - so now im just someone you make empty promises to, "because people say that all the time.... i'll look into is jst something people say!" btw, during the fight i was trying to tell her that i wasn't upset because it was Vegas and that i thought she would try something, but she blurted out "what, do you think im going to DO SOMETHING while im there?" meaning, like mess around. sorry. im getting angry now and im not thinking clearly. i need to move on, i'll be happy to clarify if need be.
i felt like i had much more to say but im getting upset and its hard to focus. i just wonder and fear that there could be someone else. with the lack of sex, and the dissapointment in her face when we're done - to the weird phone call - the overall distance between us... is something going on or am i just paranoid.
i'll be happy to clarify anything from the post or give more details if they are needed. there have been times where ive felt sick to my stomach around her - time when she talks about vegas and wont look me in the eye - i ask how her day went and i barely get any response. i was on her facebook page, her phone, her texts, i can't find anything damning. i did however bring up the plastic surgeon once - i asked if she still went to him for dermatology visits - i was trying to find out if it was the same guy and my worries could be calmed, and that maybe it was just her dermatologist - she in my opinion overreacted and talked down to me and made me feel stupid for asking. made this huge what for about me forgetting or not noticing that she hadnt been to him in a long time. it pi$$ed me off to be honest, the way she spoke to me. when i checked her phone later that night before work - that plastic surgeons number from that day when she acted funny had been deleted. it was still th ere the other times though....
am i crazy? or do i need to hack her email, and get a VAR? she leaves for vegas this coming monday. and im about to break. i gave so much detail because im truly trying to be fair and tell both sides as honestly as i can. i hope i dont crash the f'in servers here, but .... i dont know. i fee like im at the end of my rope. i want to talk to people but i dont know who to turn to really. im embarassed and scared. we are closing on a house as we speak and im terrified im going to loose all this. i love her. but im really afraid something is going on. i have to stop now. im sure i haven't made any sense, ive started to delete this thread about 10 times but.... im at a point where i feel like i cant go forward without some input. thanks in advance.
ok. i really hate even doing this. this feels almost like a breech of trust on my end, but i really feel like i need an unbiased outside opinion. most of my friends are relation to my wife or married in. and to be honest, im not sure i trust it not getting back to her. i need to get to bed, but i've been putting this off for too long. i dont know if im crazy, over-reacting, paranoid, dillusional, or what.... i just can't seem to follow if my gut is telling me something. wife and i have been married 7 years this october. we have 2 children, B&G. my wife has been acting strange/off/diff for several months now. i started noticing that work was starting to stress her out (she really loves her job, its right up her alley, and she's great at it). she'd get snippy when i asked what time she'd be home. (i work 3rd, mostly wondering so that i would know when to have supper ready & what time to be home with the kids) then she sort of took a liking to a younger co-worker FRIEND (a gir l - completely non sexual) which i encouraged. a local event came up (food tasting from local restaraunts) and i told her "let's go!" and the idea was basically blown off. when her work friends wanted to go - hey yeah sure! let's do it! i brought this up later, and my wife said she figured i'd be tired and didnt really think it would happen. i said that if felt like you blew me off, but when your work friends wanted to go you were all for it. she said it wasn't that.
2. (yep, im numbering them now) we were coming home from a short weekend trip. we stopped to view a lot for sale, as we were thinking of building at the time. our son had her phone and was playing a game. he's 3. we were trying to figure out where the property line was when we both heard a male voice. we realized our son had dialed my wifes phone and aman picked up. right away, i thought it was odd - the mans voice seemed to say "hello" like someone would say it when they didn't want others to hear them, does that make sense? i mean, i really just got that image in my head as soon as i heard it. i reached for the phone, and she did at the same time and got it first. i said "oh its just a voicemail" and wife said "no, its a real number" then she just stared at the screen and hung up. i asked, well who was it? she said idk who it is. anyways, our attention turned back to the property lines and when i looked back at her (mid sentence) i could see she was back to staring at her p hone, and i stopped talking about the house plans and said something like "are you listening? just call them back" she got defensive and changed the subject back to the property line, then jumped right back to it. that was probably the moment the red flags started popping up. this bugged me. and about a week later i looked at her phone log. she leaves the phone lying around every night right on the counter. i checked the number and looked it up. found out its a plastic surgeon. i felt better.... until i realized - what in the hell kind of plastic surgeon answers the phone on a Sunday evening at like 6pm!???! i saw in her call logs 2-3 more calls to the number. now, the number did show up the website as the business number so....??
3. she brought up plastic surgery. my wife has been dealing with low self-esteem all her life. im not real for what she's thinking. but she has brought it up before and this time when she asked i told her "why?? i love you for you, you dont need it, yadda yadda" i htought about it later and said "ok, if it will make you happy" come to find out she'd been calling or receiving calls from that place 2-3 times. that kinda ticked me off. again, WHO ANSWERS ON A SUNDAY EVENING??! the hours weren't even listed for sunday;.they stopped at FRIDAY.
4. the overall lack of sex - in her defense, i've been ...... this is really embarassing, but i've in the last 3 years gone from a 45minute man to well, a minute man. dont know why. dont know what happened. but our sex life has gone from 2-3 times a week, to more like 1 every 1-2 months in the last year especially. even after our first child, it dropped in frequency. she started having sex with me more when we decided to have another baby which was great. but then it fell back down to barely at all after we got pregnant.
5. there were times in this period where initating sex was like like appauling to her. once after i pleaded, she actually said "hurry up! you have 5 minutes!" while that might SOUND hot, the way she said it in reality was like a mother telling a child to clean their room or else. i bascially said forget it and she didn't argue. now here lately, the sex has picked back up. and its been great. but for the last 5 months, minues maybe a handful of times i can see the dissapointment or lack of interest in her eyes when we're done. she also feels distant. we have 2 kids now - sometimes we run off and lock the bedroom door while wonderpets is on. im not delusionally thinking im going to get the same freaky loud sex we used to have. but no laying together afterwards. it feels like the closeness of the afterwards is gone *(man i sound like a wuss - ever heard of a guy WANTING to just lay there holding her when he's done?) we're busy, i get it. but even when we've been alone - as in, k ids spend the night at grandparents house, theres been excuses on why we cant have sex or whatever. this was probably red flag number 2 (looking back)
6. a business trip to vegas has come up. i've gone along before when she worked at a different company and it wasn't an issue. i have ALWAYS wanted to go to vegas. and she knows that. our friends have gone 5-6 times over the years and due to bad financial times we could never go. when asked if maybe i could go along, maybe it could be a nice little anniversary get-a-way i was instead answered with "you can't go - they won't pay for you to go too!" ??? so you're telling me if i happened to just BE IN VEGAS your company would have a hissy? i could meet up with her after she was done, we get get a bite. have some drinks - BE AWAY FROM THE KIDS IN A HOTEL... IN VEGAS.... FOR A WEEK. !?!??! half of the trip would be paid for - if there was ever a time to go, why not go when HALF OF OUR TRIP WOULD BE PAID FOR!? im not expecting to eat on their dime! she treated that like it was just, idiotic and made it sound as if the idea were absurd. but she said "i guess i can ask... i 'll look into it" 3 weeks later she comes home and tells me "yeah, i booked my vegas trip" tells me some details. never brings up me going. fine. you dont want me to go, but she didnt ask. a week later we fight about it and she acts like she doesn't remember the FIRST conversation. and tells me that "well, people just say all the time, "ok, i'll look into" it doesn't mean they always do, i just... i dk, i just said it. im sorry! if i would've known you wanted to go so bad i guess i could've asked." you guys/gals - i love my wife dearly, but i cannot believe she ACTUALLY didnt think i wanted to go, and im sorry but "you just say that to everybody!? exscuse me?! im your HUSBAND! and you basically just told me - that you just say you'll do stuff "all the time" without any real notion of following through. to me, it sems like she never wanted me to go - which is honestly and truly fine - but then JUST TELL ME THAT! DONT SAY "I'LL LOOK INTO IT" when you KNOW you wont! and for th e record - again - so now im just someone you make empty promises to, "because people say that all the time.... i'll look into is jst something people say!" btw, during the fight i was trying to tell her that i wasn't upset because it was Vegas and that i thought she would try something, but she blurted out "what, do you think im going to DO SOMETHING while im there?" meaning, like mess around. sorry. im getting angry now and im not thinking clearly. i need to move on, i'll be happy to clarify if need be.
i felt like i had much more to say but im getting upset and its hard to focus. i just wonder and fear that there could be someone else. with the lack of sex, and the dissapointment in her face when we're done - to the weird phone call - the overall distance between us... is something going on or am i just paranoid.
i'll be happy to clarify anything from the post or give more details if they are needed. there have been times where ive felt sick to my stomach around her - time when she talks about vegas and wont look me in the eye - i ask how her day went and i barely get any response. i was on her facebook page, her phone, her texts, i can't find anything damning. i did however bring up the plastic surgeon once - i asked if she still went to him for dermatology visits - i was trying to find out if it was the same guy and my worries could be calmed, and that maybe it was just her dermatologist - she in my opinion overreacted and talked down to me and made me feel stupid for asking. made this huge what for about me forgetting or not noticing that she hadnt been to him in a long time. it pi$$ed me off to be honest, the way she spoke to me. when i checked her phone later that night before work - that plastic surgeons number from that day when she acted funny had been deleted. it was still th ere the other times though....
am i crazy? or do i need to hack her email, and get a VAR? she leaves for vegas this coming monday. and im about to break. i gave so much detail because im truly trying to be fair and tell both sides as honestly as i can. i hope i dont crash the f'in servers here, but .... i dont know. i fee like im at the end of my rope. i want to talk to people but i dont know who to turn to really. im embarassed and scared. we are closing on a house as we speak and im terrified im going to loose all this. i love her. but im really afraid something is going on. i have to stop now. im sure i haven't made any sense, ive started to delete this thread about 10 times but.... im at a point where i feel like i cant go forward without some input. thanks in advance.
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