Over the years I have accused H of being passive-aggressive a few times. It doesn't go well. I figured I was wrong, or over-reacting. He doesn't do mean-spirited things on purpose, it's more like he's an opportunistic p-a. Or maybe a passive p-a, if there is such a thing.
So, examples....I found an article online that gave an example of a spouse being purposely late to a restaurant to make the other spouse wait, the day after a fight, to "get even".
What he does is stop communicating feelings during arguments, and rarely shows any emotion of any kind and even less during arguments. The article talks about that. But then, there is no "get even" event. At least not as far as I can tell. He will perhaps withhold information by being silent, and I generally am made to feel things are my fault and so I have to be the first to apologize.
Recently, after almost 11 years of marriage, he has said that because I am sarcastic during arguments and have a sharp tongue, he has never fully trusted me or shared himself with me. That is a blow, considering I am always open, always have been. I have shared my thoughts and feelings while dealing with infertility, the death of two close friends, and I flipping gave birth twice in front of the man.
I'm not sure if this trust thing is an excuse, or he really is that hurt by my behavior. I don't think he and I will resolve things unless this cycle of him accusing me of being too *****y to talk to, and me asking him to please share his feelings so I can feel closer to him and not be so angry, will stop. I feel that if there is p-a behavior involved, it has to stop before everything else.
So, is refusing to disclose feelings during an argument or discussion a type of p-a behavior? Just need to know what I'm dealing with here.
So, examples....I found an article online that gave an example of a spouse being purposely late to a restaurant to make the other spouse wait, the day after a fight, to "get even".
What he does is stop communicating feelings during arguments, and rarely shows any emotion of any kind and even less during arguments. The article talks about that. But then, there is no "get even" event. At least not as far as I can tell. He will perhaps withhold information by being silent, and I generally am made to feel things are my fault and so I have to be the first to apologize.
Recently, after almost 11 years of marriage, he has said that because I am sarcastic during arguments and have a sharp tongue, he has never fully trusted me or shared himself with me. That is a blow, considering I am always open, always have been. I have shared my thoughts and feelings while dealing with infertility, the death of two close friends, and I flipping gave birth twice in front of the man.
I'm not sure if this trust thing is an excuse, or he really is that hurt by my behavior. I don't think he and I will resolve things unless this cycle of him accusing me of being too *****y to talk to, and me asking him to please share his feelings so I can feel closer to him and not be so angry, will stop. I feel that if there is p-a behavior involved, it has to stop before everything else.
So, is refusing to disclose feelings during an argument or discussion a type of p-a behavior? Just need to know what I'm dealing with here.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment