Hi everyone. Basically I have been with my first boyfriend for half a year now and 2-3 months in, we started with foreplay. I wasn't comfortable with it at first but gradually, I opened up to him and let him touch me.
It seemed okay at first, but I don't know why that I am starting to feel really guilty recently.
I've always wanted to wait until marriage but I don't know why, I was raised up that it's a mortal sin to be intimate with anyone before marriage even though my family is not religious. So maybe that has something to do with it.
I told him in the beginning I wanted to wait until marriage, then I changed my mind later on and said he will have to wait because i'm not sure yet, and I could have sex with him... but not now.
I hate how wishy-washy I am, I'm never good at making decisions.
He never forced me, but I just feel like it's wrong. Like why am I doing this so early, we never slept with each other.
Why do I feel like this? I don't want to feel like this, but I don't know what to do. :( it's bad enough that he can't have sex with me. I'm awful, aren't I?
It's not like I can just go 'stop touching me' and everything will go back to the way it was?
Can someone explain why I might feel like this? is it because everything is new to me, and it's my first time?
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