I've been single since Feb 2013. Technically I'm not divorced, but it's on the judge's desk and hopefully will be finalized any day now. I was cheated on and it was brutal. I've dated since and had sexual relations with a few women since. Not being ready for a real relationship yet, they all came and went. There's one that I've been "seeing" off and on for over a year. We get together now and then for dates and sex. It's fun but I don't have an emotional connection - not sure I'm capable of that right now.
I find first time sex with someone is generally awkward and not very good. After a while it gets better as you get more comfortable and get to know each other that way. I've had some good sex since being single, but nothing earth shattering. Admittedly the best sex I've ever had was the 10 weeks of hysterical bonding during false R with my ex. Then I realized I couldn't forgive/get past her infidelity and I filed for D.
From January to May I was celibate. My "friend" was out of town and I just didn't want to. I play in a band that's quite successful and could but just didn't have it in me...too damaged, performance anxiety, just couldn't be arsed. Then my friend came back and we've hooked up a couple times. Fun but again nothing great.
Then I hear from a band mate that this singer woman (who's also a high school teacher) is "crushing" on me. She's recently divorced, has a little kid (I have 2 kids). She showed up at a show I was playing a couple months back and we ended up sort of grinding on each other during another band's set. I was bold and just sort of grabbed her ass and did some pseudo dirty dancing. It was nice. She asked me to walk her to her car and I did, but didn't kiss her (I had learned going for a kiss too early is bad news - kinda re-learning this whole woman thing after 14 years of marriage).
A couple week s ago she texts me "is it bad that I just want a lover and not a relationship right now?". Kinda bold. I replied "Not at all, right there with you". She says "Well what are your Mondays' like?". We arranged to hook up but I bailed - my drummer came over early and we got day drunk. She was cool and said "well, let me know when you want to get together".
Fast forward to Friday night (2 nights ago). She texts "are you home?". I said yeah and she could come over if she likes. We've never had any interaction other than the dancing that one night and a couple texts. It was 2 am and I was tired but thought "what the hell, live a little".
So she shows up and we sit on the couch and chat for a few minutes, and I just go for it - start kissing her. We ended up having sex on the couch, then went up to my room and carried on. It was AMAZING. I've never had first sex that was good let alone great. We took our time, foreplay, staring into each other's eyes, slow, fast, different positions, holding hands...our mouths were locked almost the entire time, breathing heavily into each other. She was so passionate and enthusiastic...no reservations. This helped me a LOT with performance anxiety...I was just fine. She was whimpering, panting, moaning...we couldn't go totally crazy as my kids were sleeping. But wow, it was HOT! She said "wow, you really have some serious skills". We did it again and then she left before my kids awoke.
We texted each other and talked about it after...she said "that was very surprising...and very lovely". We are meeting again Thursday.
Anyway, not even sure why I'm telling you this - it was a great experience that I really needed - the intimacy and passion, and a boost for my self confidence. And just great sex! Its amazing what a difference chemistry and enthusiasm can make. And a woman who is sexually confident is a wonderful thing. Now, we'll see what comes of this. She does happen to be a really cool person too, and she's smart. Can 2 people just remain "lovers" and nothing more? We'll see.
I find first time sex with someone is generally awkward and not very good. After a while it gets better as you get more comfortable and get to know each other that way. I've had some good sex since being single, but nothing earth shattering. Admittedly the best sex I've ever had was the 10 weeks of hysterical bonding during false R with my ex. Then I realized I couldn't forgive/get past her infidelity and I filed for D.
From January to May I was celibate. My "friend" was out of town and I just didn't want to. I play in a band that's quite successful and could but just didn't have it in me...too damaged, performance anxiety, just couldn't be arsed. Then my friend came back and we've hooked up a couple times. Fun but again nothing great.
Then I hear from a band mate that this singer woman (who's also a high school teacher) is "crushing" on me. She's recently divorced, has a little kid (I have 2 kids). She showed up at a show I was playing a couple months back and we ended up sort of grinding on each other during another band's set. I was bold and just sort of grabbed her ass and did some pseudo dirty dancing. It was nice. She asked me to walk her to her car and I did, but didn't kiss her (I had learned going for a kiss too early is bad news - kinda re-learning this whole woman thing after 14 years of marriage).
A couple week s ago she texts me "is it bad that I just want a lover and not a relationship right now?". Kinda bold. I replied "Not at all, right there with you". She says "Well what are your Mondays' like?". We arranged to hook up but I bailed - my drummer came over early and we got day drunk. She was cool and said "well, let me know when you want to get together".
Fast forward to Friday night (2 nights ago). She texts "are you home?". I said yeah and she could come over if she likes. We've never had any interaction other than the dancing that one night and a couple texts. It was 2 am and I was tired but thought "what the hell, live a little".
So she shows up and we sit on the couch and chat for a few minutes, and I just go for it - start kissing her. We ended up having sex on the couch, then went up to my room and carried on. It was AMAZING. I've never had first sex that was good let alone great. We took our time, foreplay, staring into each other's eyes, slow, fast, different positions, holding hands...our mouths were locked almost the entire time, breathing heavily into each other. She was so passionate and enthusiastic...no reservations. This helped me a LOT with performance anxiety...I was just fine. She was whimpering, panting, moaning...we couldn't go totally crazy as my kids were sleeping. But wow, it was HOT! She said "wow, you really have some serious skills". We did it again and then she left before my kids awoke.
We texted each other and talked about it after...she said "that was very surprising...and very lovely". We are meeting again Thursday.
Anyway, not even sure why I'm telling you this - it was a great experience that I really needed - the intimacy and passion, and a boost for my self confidence. And just great sex! Its amazing what a difference chemistry and enthusiasm can make. And a woman who is sexually confident is a wonderful thing. Now, we'll see what comes of this. She does happen to be a really cool person too, and she's smart. Can 2 people just remain "lovers" and nothing more? We'll see.
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