If you had asked me a month ago, I would have told you I had a pretty darn good marriage. I was happy and I thought he was happy. After he would go out with his guy friends he would tell me how lucky he was. How his friends had to lie that they were still at work or were somewhere they weren't. I didn't care that he went to the strip club. I knew he loved me.
My husband has always been secretive about his phone. It was always a joke between us. He didn't like anyone touching it, me included. And it bothered me a little but I was so secure in our marriage that it never occurred to me that he would be cheating.
A few weeks ago when I went to get into bed, I found that my husband had fallen asleep with his phone in his hand. It was laying next to him on the bed, not on the charger where I couldn't get to it normally. And I was curious. He's on his phone a lot, playing games and texting friends. And as I was holding it in my hand debating on sneaking a peek or waking him up to put it away, it buzzed in my hand. The text message that rocked my world.
"Good night baby, I love you."
My mistake was not going through the phone then and there. Instead I woke him up and asked what the text was about. He told me that she was a girl in a bar he had met who was going through a rough time. That she didn't really love him but that he was her only friend and that was the only way she knew how to express how grateful she was for his help. He swore it was nothing and that he would end the friendship if it bothered me that much. I begged him to let me see the texts they had been exchanging and he wouldn't. I told him I would leave and he still wouldn't. The first minute my back was turned he erased everything.
A few days later, he was out with his friends and we had a small emergency at home. I tried to call him but I kept going directly to his voicemail. So I went into our phone records and called the last person he texted thinking it would have been his friend that picked him up. It wasn't, I got her voicemail. That was when I got really upset and started snooping.
I went through about our previous phone bills and found that in 2 months time they exchanged 11,500 text messages. That is not a casual friendship. I plugged her number into facebook and found out that she is a stripper at the club he met her at.
Then she called me back wanting to know who the missed call was. And I told her. She knew all about me. She swore that they were just friends. She told me what had happened to her and how my husband helped. She sounded so sincere that I didn't think she was lying. Honestly, I was proud of my husband for being there to help her do the right thing in a truly terrible situation. That yes she did love my husband but more like a brother. So I told her and him that they could continue the friendship but no more I love yous. They both agreed.
About a week later, I managed to get a hold of his phone. And the first thing I did was pull up their text messages. They were talking about how they couldn't wait for things to get back to normal and how she needed to just be patient. She told him that she missed their facebook conversations. So like a fool I confronted him again. He swore that they were just friends, that there was nothing going on between them. That her cell phone service is spotty at her home so they talk on facebook. I told him I couldn't handle it anymore to please end the friendship. I watched him type up the message and he showed it to me. I thought it was over.
Later that night, I thought about what it said about the facebook messages so I logged into his facebook account. Before he sent her the message I saw, he sent her another message on facebook telling her to just go along wiht what he was about to send. Then I watched as they flirted and ended the conversation with I love you.
I don't know what to do. I feel like every time I learn something I find out the next day that it isn't the whole truth. He won't show me his phone. He's changed all of his passwords. I never thought I would be the type of woman trying to crack his password, but now I am. How do I know if my marriage is worth saving if I don't have all of the facts? Does the paranoia ever truly go away? I've only slept one good night since this started and that's because I finally took a sleeping pill. How in the world do I move forward from this? Please help me.
My husband has always been secretive about his phone. It was always a joke between us. He didn't like anyone touching it, me included. And it bothered me a little but I was so secure in our marriage that it never occurred to me that he would be cheating.
A few weeks ago when I went to get into bed, I found that my husband had fallen asleep with his phone in his hand. It was laying next to him on the bed, not on the charger where I couldn't get to it normally. And I was curious. He's on his phone a lot, playing games and texting friends. And as I was holding it in my hand debating on sneaking a peek or waking him up to put it away, it buzzed in my hand. The text message that rocked my world.
"Good night baby, I love you."
My mistake was not going through the phone then and there. Instead I woke him up and asked what the text was about. He told me that she was a girl in a bar he had met who was going through a rough time. That she didn't really love him but that he was her only friend and that was the only way she knew how to express how grateful she was for his help. He swore it was nothing and that he would end the friendship if it bothered me that much. I begged him to let me see the texts they had been exchanging and he wouldn't. I told him I would leave and he still wouldn't. The first minute my back was turned he erased everything.
A few days later, he was out with his friends and we had a small emergency at home. I tried to call him but I kept going directly to his voicemail. So I went into our phone records and called the last person he texted thinking it would have been his friend that picked him up. It wasn't, I got her voicemail. That was when I got really upset and started snooping.
I went through about our previous phone bills and found that in 2 months time they exchanged 11,500 text messages. That is not a casual friendship. I plugged her number into facebook and found out that she is a stripper at the club he met her at.
Then she called me back wanting to know who the missed call was. And I told her. She knew all about me. She swore that they were just friends. She told me what had happened to her and how my husband helped. She sounded so sincere that I didn't think she was lying. Honestly, I was proud of my husband for being there to help her do the right thing in a truly terrible situation. That yes she did love my husband but more like a brother. So I told her and him that they could continue the friendship but no more I love yous. They both agreed.
About a week later, I managed to get a hold of his phone. And the first thing I did was pull up their text messages. They were talking about how they couldn't wait for things to get back to normal and how she needed to just be patient. She told him that she missed their facebook conversations. So like a fool I confronted him again. He swore that they were just friends, that there was nothing going on between them. That her cell phone service is spotty at her home so they talk on facebook. I told him I couldn't handle it anymore to please end the friendship. I watched him type up the message and he showed it to me. I thought it was over.
Later that night, I thought about what it said about the facebook messages so I logged into his facebook account. Before he sent her the message I saw, he sent her another message on facebook telling her to just go along wiht what he was about to send. Then I watched as they flirted and ended the conversation with I love you.
I don't know what to do. I feel like every time I learn something I find out the next day that it isn't the whole truth. He won't show me his phone. He's changed all of his passwords. I never thought I would be the type of woman trying to crack his password, but now I am. How do I know if my marriage is worth saving if I don't have all of the facts? Does the paranoia ever truly go away? I've only slept one good night since this started and that's because I finally took a sleeping pill. How in the world do I move forward from this? Please help me.
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