Hey All! Been lurking these forums for a few years now and it's bee a nice mix of entertainment and information.
Figured I would finally make a thread and welcome some outside perspective into my marriage, mostly due to boredom, but also curious as to what others have to say.
Been with the wife for 11 years, married 3. I'm 32, wife is 34. No kids, no house, no mortgage. Relationship has always been great, and we truly our the missing pieces in each others lives. We have always communicated very well, and very openly and honestly. As with all long term relationships it is something we have had to work on over the years to maintain, and it is probably not the same level as it was when we first met, but for all intents and purposes we have pretty good communication still. We also tend not to have too many big arguements as we are both on the same page regarding most things and if not, since communication is open, we talk about it and compromise as best as possible.
Alas, no marriage is perfect. While we are still extremely effectionate, our sex life has become non-existent. That said, we both have mental health issues and take medication for said issues, which can affect our sex drive. We also both have some medical conditions that can affect said sex drive as well.
Wife spends a lot of time on Facebook, too much in my opinion. Basically, every night, at some point she will curl up with her tablet and go on Facebook, or play games on there (not social games where she can talk to others, think block games like tetris). I feel this effects us negatively as when I try and engage her in conversation she is not giving it her full attention, but says she is listening because she can "mult-task" prft. Even for passive activities like watching shows we both enjoy together, she mult-tasks on the tablet and ends up missing things or asking for recaps etc and I find it unfair and a bit tiresome sometimes. This has been communicated to her, but the practice has not stopped. Another thing to note is that she has two of her Ex's on facebook including the one she was in a years long, longterm relationship with, just before dating me.
Now, I can already hear the howls for divorce! Shes cheating! etc but truly no, she is not. I have access to the cell, tablet and facebook, as well as email, whenever I want. I have done spot checks and nothing. I have snooped (mental health issue, I'm paranoid) and nothing. I have watched her on FB several times, making it seem like I was doing something else, and nothing out of the ordinary. I have checked chat logs on facebook, again nothing zilch and I never see her talking/chatting with anyone on there. She rarely hangs out with friends (not that she has none, we are both just homebodies) and never has girls nights out. She works all day and comes home right after. In terms of activities we do mostly everything together, even shopping (and shes not overly girls so she doesnt go clothes/shoes shopping much, wooohooo!) so, not in a controlling manner but more in a we enjoy doing most activities together even small ones, I am pretty much with her whenever she leaves the hou se, unless she is going to something like a babyshower. Store or shopping, I'm there. Medical appointments, I'm there. Above and beyond that, she likes to spend time around the house and that is party because she is VERY close to her family (we live in the MIL's basement apartment of her house, totally seperate rental unit, but did so to save money towards a mortgage downpayment) and her mom. She has two older sisters, with one sister having two kids and the other 3, and she is EXTREMELY close to the kids, so she spends a lot of time with them doing things. Lastly, she likes doing little home renovations and such, so combine it all together and she doesnt have many trips out of the house that I am not around (if any) for and generally zero social interaction trips.
So Tam, what say you? Sexless marriage, combined with too much time on facebook with ex's on friends list, combined with all other factors I mentioned, equals much to do about nothing? Or am I missing something here and should be digging deeper? Let the games begin!
Figured I would finally make a thread and welcome some outside perspective into my marriage, mostly due to boredom, but also curious as to what others have to say.
Been with the wife for 11 years, married 3. I'm 32, wife is 34. No kids, no house, no mortgage. Relationship has always been great, and we truly our the missing pieces in each others lives. We have always communicated very well, and very openly and honestly. As with all long term relationships it is something we have had to work on over the years to maintain, and it is probably not the same level as it was when we first met, but for all intents and purposes we have pretty good communication still. We also tend not to have too many big arguements as we are both on the same page regarding most things and if not, since communication is open, we talk about it and compromise as best as possible.
Alas, no marriage is perfect. While we are still extremely effectionate, our sex life has become non-existent. That said, we both have mental health issues and take medication for said issues, which can affect our sex drive. We also both have some medical conditions that can affect said sex drive as well.
Wife spends a lot of time on Facebook, too much in my opinion. Basically, every night, at some point she will curl up with her tablet and go on Facebook, or play games on there (not social games where she can talk to others, think block games like tetris). I feel this effects us negatively as when I try and engage her in conversation she is not giving it her full attention, but says she is listening because she can "mult-task" prft. Even for passive activities like watching shows we both enjoy together, she mult-tasks on the tablet and ends up missing things or asking for recaps etc and I find it unfair and a bit tiresome sometimes. This has been communicated to her, but the practice has not stopped. Another thing to note is that she has two of her Ex's on facebook including the one she was in a years long, longterm relationship with, just before dating me.
Now, I can already hear the howls for divorce! Shes cheating! etc but truly no, she is not. I have access to the cell, tablet and facebook, as well as email, whenever I want. I have done spot checks and nothing. I have snooped (mental health issue, I'm paranoid) and nothing. I have watched her on FB several times, making it seem like I was doing something else, and nothing out of the ordinary. I have checked chat logs on facebook, again nothing zilch and I never see her talking/chatting with anyone on there. She rarely hangs out with friends (not that she has none, we are both just homebodies) and never has girls nights out. She works all day and comes home right after. In terms of activities we do mostly everything together, even shopping (and shes not overly girls so she doesnt go clothes/shoes shopping much, wooohooo!) so, not in a controlling manner but more in a we enjoy doing most activities together even small ones, I am pretty much with her whenever she leaves the hou se, unless she is going to something like a babyshower. Store or shopping, I'm there. Medical appointments, I'm there. Above and beyond that, she likes to spend time around the house and that is party because she is VERY close to her family (we live in the MIL's basement apartment of her house, totally seperate rental unit, but did so to save money towards a mortgage downpayment) and her mom. She has two older sisters, with one sister having two kids and the other 3, and she is EXTREMELY close to the kids, so she spends a lot of time with them doing things. Lastly, she likes doing little home renovations and such, so combine it all together and she doesnt have many trips out of the house that I am not around (if any) for and generally zero social interaction trips.
So Tam, what say you? Sexless marriage, combined with too much time on facebook with ex's on friends list, combined with all other factors I mentioned, equals much to do about nothing? Or am I missing something here and should be digging deeper? Let the games begin!
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