This is going to be long so bear with me. I have been married for 11 years, with my husband for 13. We have two kids - 8 year old boy and a 5 year old girl. We have had our problems over the years as do most couples but the past year and a half has sent us in a downward spiral.
My husband has suffered from depression on and off for most of his adult life. A year and a half ago things really took a turn for the worse. He started to fly into these uncontrollable rages (all directed at me). The most minor things would set him off. After about 6 months of this, he realized that both his depression and his job were contributing to these fits of rage. We decided that he would seek immediate medical attention and would leave his job (it really was a very toxic workplace). We agreed that he would take the summer off, he would look after our kids and then in the Fall start considering employment options.
Fast forward to today. He is still not working and basically does nothing all day. He is supposed to be our kids primary care giver but most days he makes little to no effort to actually plan activities for them or even to make sure they've done basic things like brush their teeth. I come home from work and the house is always a disaster, dishes not done, dirty dishes everywhere - just awful. What's even worse, is that although my husband promised me a year ago that he would step up and take over the household chores (so life would actually be easier for me), he has done nothing and life is so much harder. So much so that I started having panic attacks, and have started IC to help me through this.
And all of this I would be willing to work through and find ways to make things better, but to top everything off, about a month ago my husband got angry with me because I didn't hear my cell phone while I was with my children at a birthday party. When I did call him, and then later when I got home, he went into one of his rages where I am the target. According to my husband, I never follow through on anything I say I'm going to do, he can't trust me, doesn't believe me and that he's basically done with this marriage.
I asked again that we got to MC (he has always refused in the past). He agreed finally this time, but with the caveat that "he knows it won't do any good since I'm not going to follow through with anything". And just to make it clear it is his position that all of the problems in our marriage are 100% my fault.
So based on all this, and after talking to my IC, I'm not even sure it's worth trying MC. I alone can't fix this marriage, but yet that is the expectation he is placing on me. I actually asked my IC when am I allowed to say "enough is enough" because the guilt at the thought of just walking away is eating me up inside.
So really, I'm just looking for anyone who has gone through something similar and how do you finally decide that it's time to walk away?
Thank you.
My husband has suffered from depression on and off for most of his adult life. A year and a half ago things really took a turn for the worse. He started to fly into these uncontrollable rages (all directed at me). The most minor things would set him off. After about 6 months of this, he realized that both his depression and his job were contributing to these fits of rage. We decided that he would seek immediate medical attention and would leave his job (it really was a very toxic workplace). We agreed that he would take the summer off, he would look after our kids and then in the Fall start considering employment options.
Fast forward to today. He is still not working and basically does nothing all day. He is supposed to be our kids primary care giver but most days he makes little to no effort to actually plan activities for them or even to make sure they've done basic things like brush their teeth. I come home from work and the house is always a disaster, dishes not done, dirty dishes everywhere - just awful. What's even worse, is that although my husband promised me a year ago that he would step up and take over the household chores (so life would actually be easier for me), he has done nothing and life is so much harder. So much so that I started having panic attacks, and have started IC to help me through this.
And all of this I would be willing to work through and find ways to make things better, but to top everything off, about a month ago my husband got angry with me because I didn't hear my cell phone while I was with my children at a birthday party. When I did call him, and then later when I got home, he went into one of his rages where I am the target. According to my husband, I never follow through on anything I say I'm going to do, he can't trust me, doesn't believe me and that he's basically done with this marriage.
I asked again that we got to MC (he has always refused in the past). He agreed finally this time, but with the caveat that "he knows it won't do any good since I'm not going to follow through with anything". And just to make it clear it is his position that all of the problems in our marriage are 100% my fault.
So based on all this, and after talking to my IC, I'm not even sure it's worth trying MC. I alone can't fix this marriage, but yet that is the expectation he is placing on me. I actually asked my IC when am I allowed to say "enough is enough" because the guilt at the thought of just walking away is eating me up inside.
So really, I'm just looking for anyone who has gone through something similar and how do you finally decide that it's time to walk away?
Thank you.
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