Just a bit of background - am 39 yo Indian from UK and married in 2008 to an indian from Chicago USA. In the 6 years we have been married she has spent 2 years in the USA visiting months and months at a time. Her reason for going is that she misses her parents and they need her. In future, she says she will go back and help as and when her parents need her as they get elderly or ill - this may span years and she says she can not give an indication. Before we got married I made it clear that I would not move to the USA under any circumstances and she agreed.
The problems with her going back is that she never (apart for a few months) worked over here and she is a qualified barrister. She says she needs the flexibility to go back when she is needed. Most of the time I get 10 days notice and then she goes for eg 3 months/2 months and last time for 11 months. She says she wont have kids as she needs to look after her parents when needed. She does not consider it disrespectful that she leaves for such long periods of time and with such little notice - in fact she has said to me that she considers it disrespectful if I tell her that she should not go and see her parents. Funny thing is that before we got married she had not lived with them since she was 18 as she "needed her freedom". She says that seeing them growing old made her think that she should spend time with them. Another example is that she had been in USA for 7 months last year and refused to come for xmas stating that she wanted to spend it with her family there. She also worked for the 11 months she stayed there but states that she did not save any money and she was living with her parents - I suspect she paid for all their bills and mortgages etc.
My question is what is it that I have got to look forward to? No kids, a wife who is not really going to work or have a career and a wife who will leave at a drop of a pin whenever she wants and especially when her parents may need her in future. I have said you can ask your parents to move in with us in the UK and she says why should they have to move, why cant we move to the USA. All my family and friends say that I need to call it a day but I dont have the courage to tell her that I want a divorce. I did spend 3 months with her in the USA at her parents in 2012 and she totally ignored me in that time electing to spend all her time with her parents and her sister - even her mum told her to spend more time with me.
I am in a very dark and confused space right now - we have been going counselling but that has not helped. What would you do?
The problems with her going back is that she never (apart for a few months) worked over here and she is a qualified barrister. She says she needs the flexibility to go back when she is needed. Most of the time I get 10 days notice and then she goes for eg 3 months/2 months and last time for 11 months. She says she wont have kids as she needs to look after her parents when needed. She does not consider it disrespectful that she leaves for such long periods of time and with such little notice - in fact she has said to me that she considers it disrespectful if I tell her that she should not go and see her parents. Funny thing is that before we got married she had not lived with them since she was 18 as she "needed her freedom". She says that seeing them growing old made her think that she should spend time with them. Another example is that she had been in USA for 7 months last year and refused to come for xmas stating that she wanted to spend it with her family there. She also worked for the 11 months she stayed there but states that she did not save any money and she was living with her parents - I suspect she paid for all their bills and mortgages etc.
My question is what is it that I have got to look forward to? No kids, a wife who is not really going to work or have a career and a wife who will leave at a drop of a pin whenever she wants and especially when her parents may need her in future. I have said you can ask your parents to move in with us in the UK and she says why should they have to move, why cant we move to the USA. All my family and friends say that I need to call it a day but I dont have the courage to tell her that I want a divorce. I did spend 3 months with her in the USA at her parents in 2012 and she totally ignored me in that time electing to spend all her time with her parents and her sister - even her mum told her to spend more time with me.
I am in a very dark and confused space right now - we have been going counselling but that has not helped. What would you do?
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