Hey guys, I posted an inappropriate message in the wrong forum right off the bat, so I've been lurking for a few days.
I'm in the ever-common LDW/HDH situation and it's really starting to drain on me (as the HDH). First off, I love my wife dearly. We feel in love and got married in our late teens, and 13 years and 3 kids later, we're now in our early 30s. We've always been LD/HD, and there's always been compromise, times where I've gone without, times where she's "done it anyway." But the situation is really starting to wear me down. I kinda want to make a spreadsheet. ;)
Her argument is that it's stupid that my entire existence revolves around "that one thing." If things are good in that area, everything is good. If things are bad, everything is bad. She thinks I should not put so much weight on this one criteria as it puts undue pressure on her. But I can't help it, it's just how I am. And judging from what I've read here, I'm certainly not the only one.
Perhaps I'm a little picky though. Thing is, I want her to want it. I've never really had meaningless sex with anyone, to me sex is all about intimacy and emotion. So I often deprive myself, passing on her offers of pity-sex, holding out until I finally just take something to get me by. It's also worth mentioning that she has health issues. She hates doctors, but finally went to the gyno after suffering through years of 10-, sometimes 14-day periods. Gyno seemed unfazed, but put her on some BC (unneeded, I'm snipped). BC seemed to actually make things worse, now we're on BC #2. We both feel like the true fix will be a hysterectomy, but that's obviously not without its own side effects.
As an all-around husband, I think I'm pretty great. Her friends all seem to be jealous, as I don't have any solo hobbies like golf, fishing, bar-hopping, sports, etc. I do tons around the house, help with kids' stuff. I basically wait on my wife if she needs or wants anything, water, snack, tissues, purse, etc. I love her like crazy and try to treat her like a princess.
Every time we discuss/argue about anything, I somehow come off being the bad guy, so I try to avoid it. Like I said, she's well aware of the LD/HD problem, and she feels bad about it.
It kinda makes me feel like a **** for wanting sex. I'm insanely physically attracted her, despite all the flaws she sees in the mirror. I sometimes feel like I should just get on some libido-killing drugs so I can be happy.
So, obviously I should cut her some slack for the health issues, but how much slack? Also, she has a perfectly good mouth that she's sometimes willing to put to use, but seems that 90% of the time, she has a cold sore, or sore throat, or sinus issues or SOMETHING.
Any other advice? The D word has been crossing my mind more and more lately, which really just depresses me. We had no lives before each other, everything we have is together, including the kids. Divorce would be a huge deal. But then again, this is a huge deal, and she thinks it's silly.
Posted via Mobile Device
I'm in the ever-common LDW/HDH situation and it's really starting to drain on me (as the HDH). First off, I love my wife dearly. We feel in love and got married in our late teens, and 13 years and 3 kids later, we're now in our early 30s. We've always been LD/HD, and there's always been compromise, times where I've gone without, times where she's "done it anyway." But the situation is really starting to wear me down. I kinda want to make a spreadsheet. ;)
Her argument is that it's stupid that my entire existence revolves around "that one thing." If things are good in that area, everything is good. If things are bad, everything is bad. She thinks I should not put so much weight on this one criteria as it puts undue pressure on her. But I can't help it, it's just how I am. And judging from what I've read here, I'm certainly not the only one.
Perhaps I'm a little picky though. Thing is, I want her to want it. I've never really had meaningless sex with anyone, to me sex is all about intimacy and emotion. So I often deprive myself, passing on her offers of pity-sex, holding out until I finally just take something to get me by. It's also worth mentioning that she has health issues. She hates doctors, but finally went to the gyno after suffering through years of 10-, sometimes 14-day periods. Gyno seemed unfazed, but put her on some BC (unneeded, I'm snipped). BC seemed to actually make things worse, now we're on BC #2. We both feel like the true fix will be a hysterectomy, but that's obviously not without its own side effects.
As an all-around husband, I think I'm pretty great. Her friends all seem to be jealous, as I don't have any solo hobbies like golf, fishing, bar-hopping, sports, etc. I do tons around the house, help with kids' stuff. I basically wait on my wife if she needs or wants anything, water, snack, tissues, purse, etc. I love her like crazy and try to treat her like a princess.
Every time we discuss/argue about anything, I somehow come off being the bad guy, so I try to avoid it. Like I said, she's well aware of the LD/HD problem, and she feels bad about it.
It kinda makes me feel like a **** for wanting sex. I'm insanely physically attracted her, despite all the flaws she sees in the mirror. I sometimes feel like I should just get on some libido-killing drugs so I can be happy.
So, obviously I should cut her some slack for the health issues, but how much slack? Also, she has a perfectly good mouth that she's sometimes willing to put to use, but seems that 90% of the time, she has a cold sore, or sore throat, or sinus issues or SOMETHING.
Any other advice? The D word has been crossing my mind more and more lately, which really just depresses me. We had no lives before each other, everything we have is together, including the kids. Divorce would be a huge deal. But then again, this is a huge deal, and she thinks it's silly.
Posted via Mobile Device
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