I'm not even sure where to start right now...
I'll start by saying that I have been with my husband for over 8 years, married for 2. We have 2 beautiful daughters together.
Now onto the situation...
I made a mistake. A big mistake. About a year and a half ago, I let my ex into my apartment. We had remained 'friends' since our breakup nearly 10 years ago. That was my first mistake. My second mistake was trusting him. I shouldn't have let him in that day. We started off talking, then he started touching me and kissing me. I kept trying to pull away, trying to tell him that I wasn't interesting, but I think he thought I was playing 'hard to get'. Long story short, we became intimate, despite me telling him 'no' and 'stop' the entire time. Here comes my third mistake: Not the fact that I was taken advantage of, but I didn't tell my husband about it. I figured if I forgot about it, the whole situation would just go away. I was wrong. Very wrong. Last week my husband found out about 'the incident', and not in the way he should have. Initially, he was very angry. He threatened divorce (can't say I blame him). After taking some time to think about it and talking to me for hours on end, I think he's decided to at least give things another try. Here lies the issue: He doesn't know if he'll ever be able to trust me again (which I can understand). Here's my question: What can I do to earn back some of that trust? I have already ceased all contact with the perp. I blocked him and his wife from Facebook (his wife threatened me on there, that's what started this whole thing). I also deleted his entire family from Facebook (we used to attend church together, so I was 'friends' with his siblings), so I don't have to see his face or his name. I haven't changed my phone number (that is an option), however I have agreed that if he contacts me, I will save the text, will NOT respond, and I will notify my husband of it. I'm being completely transparent right now. He has my Facebook password and he is more than willing to sift through and retrieve my text messages. I have assured him that I won't make another stupid mistake, but obviously my word is shot to hell right now. Obviously, his wounds are still raw and he is going to take time to heal. I know this isn't going to happen overnight. I'm just hoping for some advice on how to regain his trust in the long run. I will reiterate that I promised not to have ANY contact with the perp, and I will keep that promise. I don't really go out or anything. I work 12 hour overnight shifts, but will soon be switching to day shift. I think that will help matters. I want him to be able to trust me again. I want to do everything in my power to ensure that happens. Also, we are planning on seeking marital counseling. I'm scared ****less right now, and I'm ashamed that my self-centered actions may potentially cost me my family. Any advice is welcome.
Thanks in advance.
I'll start by saying that I have been with my husband for over 8 years, married for 2. We have 2 beautiful daughters together.
Now onto the situation...
I made a mistake. A big mistake. About a year and a half ago, I let my ex into my apartment. We had remained 'friends' since our breakup nearly 10 years ago. That was my first mistake. My second mistake was trusting him. I shouldn't have let him in that day. We started off talking, then he started touching me and kissing me. I kept trying to pull away, trying to tell him that I wasn't interesting, but I think he thought I was playing 'hard to get'. Long story short, we became intimate, despite me telling him 'no' and 'stop' the entire time. Here comes my third mistake: Not the fact that I was taken advantage of, but I didn't tell my husband about it. I figured if I forgot about it, the whole situation would just go away. I was wrong. Very wrong. Last week my husband found out about 'the incident', and not in the way he should have. Initially, he was very angry. He threatened divorce (can't say I blame him). After taking some time to think about it and talking to me for hours on end, I think he's decided to at least give things another try. Here lies the issue: He doesn't know if he'll ever be able to trust me again (which I can understand). Here's my question: What can I do to earn back some of that trust? I have already ceased all contact with the perp. I blocked him and his wife from Facebook (his wife threatened me on there, that's what started this whole thing). I also deleted his entire family from Facebook (we used to attend church together, so I was 'friends' with his siblings), so I don't have to see his face or his name. I haven't changed my phone number (that is an option), however I have agreed that if he contacts me, I will save the text, will NOT respond, and I will notify my husband of it. I'm being completely transparent right now. He has my Facebook password and he is more than willing to sift through and retrieve my text messages. I have assured him that I won't make another stupid mistake, but obviously my word is shot to hell right now. Obviously, his wounds are still raw and he is going to take time to heal. I know this isn't going to happen overnight. I'm just hoping for some advice on how to regain his trust in the long run. I will reiterate that I promised not to have ANY contact with the perp, and I will keep that promise. I don't really go out or anything. I work 12 hour overnight shifts, but will soon be switching to day shift. I think that will help matters. I want him to be able to trust me again. I want to do everything in my power to ensure that happens. Also, we are planning on seeking marital counseling. I'm scared ****less right now, and I'm ashamed that my self-centered actions may potentially cost me my family. Any advice is welcome.
Thanks in advance.
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