My 'husband' and I separated over 8 months ago.... this would be our second time at separating and this time we are not getting back together. Our marriage has been over on an emotional and physical level for over 2 years anyway. We finally made the decision and verbalized the separation 8 months ago.
We still live together, for the kids and financial reasons - our house is big enough and over 2 floors so he has the downstairs area and I have the upstairs with the children. We hardly see each other even though we still live together. He also travels a lot for work. About 6 months ago, he told me it wouldn't bother him if I started dating again. He said he would be completely fine with it.
I did date someone, but it was more from a sense of "rebound" than anything else, and that 'relationship' (if you could even call it that) only lasted 3 months. I never told my husband about it because I would only make such announcements if I thought the relationship was going somewhere. I also swore I would never introduce anyone I date to my kids, unless I knew they were here to stay.
About 4 weeks ago, I met someone... and this is different. It was like 2 souls connecting. We have been inseparable ever since. We got serious pretty quick I guess because we saw each other every single day so we got to know each other faster than if it had been a couple of times a week on dinner dates. We are really crazy about each other and maybe this is premature, but we both want this to last and go the distance... He told me he was here to stay :-) We're both single parents, both had 'blah' marriages before that didn't work out, both had the same exact experiences, and we share SO much, have SO much more in common than we've had with either of our past exes, etc... like I said, it was like a meeting of the souls. I already feel like he is my best friend in such a short time, and he feels the same for me. Neither one of us has ever had that feeling even with our past partners.
I guess my question is: should I tell my ex that I'm dating him? Just a week ago he asked me if I liked "J" (he knew about him because I mentioned I'd met a single dad) I told him I did but that I wasn't dating him. He re-iterated to me that he hopes I would feel comfortable enough to tell him these things because he wants us to be friends. But I still feel uncomfortable telling him because of our past baggage - one of the reasons our marriage ended is because he has this habit of getting information out of me, citing it's OK to talk openly to him, only to use that info against me later! So, forgive me if I don't fully trust that he'd be OK with this, even though he's telling me he is!
But "J" and I are getting serious pretty quick, and it would be such a relief to be able to tell my ex that I'm going out to see him, rather than lie ("Oh I'm going to the gym" or "I'm going to see my friend Emily")... it's exhausting frankly and I feel like a teenager again lying to my parents to go see the boy I like!! It wouldn't be this way if we didn't live together, but the fact is, we do.
Has anyone had any experience with this? Dating after separation but still technically married and living under one roof?! Sounds like a soap opera!!!
I am really crazy about "J" and we both really want this to work. He's already introduced me to his kids and we all just 'fit' so well together. He's already met my kids too and they really like him (and his boys!) All that's standing in the way at the moment is my doubt that I can be open and honest about it to my ex... should I wait a little while longer? I get that 4 weeks is a bit TOO soon to tell, but you know... when you know, you know :-):)
We still live together, for the kids and financial reasons - our house is big enough and over 2 floors so he has the downstairs area and I have the upstairs with the children. We hardly see each other even though we still live together. He also travels a lot for work. About 6 months ago, he told me it wouldn't bother him if I started dating again. He said he would be completely fine with it.
I did date someone, but it was more from a sense of "rebound" than anything else, and that 'relationship' (if you could even call it that) only lasted 3 months. I never told my husband about it because I would only make such announcements if I thought the relationship was going somewhere. I also swore I would never introduce anyone I date to my kids, unless I knew they were here to stay.
About 4 weeks ago, I met someone... and this is different. It was like 2 souls connecting. We have been inseparable ever since. We got serious pretty quick I guess because we saw each other every single day so we got to know each other faster than if it had been a couple of times a week on dinner dates. We are really crazy about each other and maybe this is premature, but we both want this to last and go the distance... He told me he was here to stay :-) We're both single parents, both had 'blah' marriages before that didn't work out, both had the same exact experiences, and we share SO much, have SO much more in common than we've had with either of our past exes, etc... like I said, it was like a meeting of the souls. I already feel like he is my best friend in such a short time, and he feels the same for me. Neither one of us has ever had that feeling even with our past partners.
I guess my question is: should I tell my ex that I'm dating him? Just a week ago he asked me if I liked "J" (he knew about him because I mentioned I'd met a single dad) I told him I did but that I wasn't dating him. He re-iterated to me that he hopes I would feel comfortable enough to tell him these things because he wants us to be friends. But I still feel uncomfortable telling him because of our past baggage - one of the reasons our marriage ended is because he has this habit of getting information out of me, citing it's OK to talk openly to him, only to use that info against me later! So, forgive me if I don't fully trust that he'd be OK with this, even though he's telling me he is!
But "J" and I are getting serious pretty quick, and it would be such a relief to be able to tell my ex that I'm going out to see him, rather than lie ("Oh I'm going to the gym" or "I'm going to see my friend Emily")... it's exhausting frankly and I feel like a teenager again lying to my parents to go see the boy I like!! It wouldn't be this way if we didn't live together, but the fact is, we do.
Has anyone had any experience with this? Dating after separation but still technically married and living under one roof?! Sounds like a soap opera!!!
I am really crazy about "J" and we both really want this to work. He's already introduced me to his kids and we all just 'fit' so well together. He's already met my kids too and they really like him (and his boys!) All that's standing in the way at the moment is my doubt that I can be open and honest about it to my ex... should I wait a little while longer? I get that 4 weeks is a bit TOO soon to tell, but you know... when you know, you know :-):)
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