Feeling resentment towards my husband and child! Am i a horrible person?

My husband and I have an almost 4yo and after his birth i suffered badly from postnatal depression and i hate myself for not being able to bond with him then. I am 27 and my husband is 35 and is FDNY and gone long hours which that tends to spark less than rational arguments at home and when we do argue there is a massive block of communication on my end which leads to him getting frustrated with me. Since i gave up my working after my sons birth, I feel like my days are endless repeats. When my husband isn't home my son wont settle for me when its bedtime he keeps wanting daddy to read to him instead, When i try to put him in his car seat he keeps moving and starts kicking his legs making it really hard on me then he started screaming & crying again for his daddy, I get irritated with him & have to walk away then i start crying. My husband is an amazing dad and my son respects him, He is so good when his dad is around, My husband spends as much time as he can with him but because he's gone alot he keeps giving into our son. When he plays up especially in public when people are looking at me i panic and feel like a terrible mom. When my husband is in work sometimes i just cry. Last week we were suppose to have a date night, but after he dropped our son to his moms we had an argument when i walked away from him he yelled at to me to ' F*cking communicate with him, Saying i resent him, I never tell him how im feeling and he can't read my mind. Truth is i feel trapped and I miss working as i worked o hard to get where i was. When talking to my friend the other day she said something that i cant get out of my head which was 'Maybe i resent both my husband and son for the big changes in my life that i wasn't fully ready for' Which has me thinking im an awful person if that's true, Is there truth be hind that? Advice is greatly appreciated.

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