Considering Divorce would love some advice

For 17 years I have been with my Husband and never turned my back on him even though he has left our family on more than one occasion because he said he didn't want the family life anymore. Until about 4 years ago he was very physically and verbally abusive to me but after he went to jail he soon became only verbal which sometimes I think is worse than the smack!!! We were apart for about a year and I became very independant when he decided to come back. I cautiously proceeded and for a while it was okay meaning no abuse but I cried myself to sleep knowing it would soon return. Just about the time I let my guard down he started again. I am ready to be done with this marriage but I would love for it be peaceful and yet when I bring it up he says he will sugar all the gas tanks, drain the bank account ect. plant something in my home so I will lose my State job.... I'm so stuck....being a counselor myself I think the only way I am keeping my sanity i s because he works nightshift and I work days so the 2 hours in the morning I see him is usually getting told what a piece of crap I am and then an afternoon phone call saying he loves me uhhh I really need to figure this out once and for all. My glow is gone and I never want to lose myself the way I did before. :scratchhead:

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