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He instigates fights before vaca

Hi..

My husband and I take off the last 2 weeks of every August, partially stay-cation (ie, he won't hire a sitter so we keep son in daycare part of time) and part "vacation"...we're going to the beach for a few days too...I've noticed that, for whatever reason, even if I preface "hoping for a smooth vacation"...he will try to provoke me and start a fight at the beginning of every vacation...he is much nicer afterwards...but it's become a habit...

On Sunday we didn't have set plans, so I asked if it was "okay" if a neighbor and her hubby and their 2 kids come over to our house for a swim and bbq...he said we didn't have any "food" to grill...and I said, "okay...I'll just forget it then"...but then he said, "if I wanted to, it was okay to invite them."..SO I DID..

Turns out, it became cloudy in the afternoon....he said, it "wasn't a pool" day...but I said, "i couldn't UNINVITE them now!"....and I asked if he would turn on the heat in the pool (for their girls) and he said, "no..it was "too expensive".....he also didn't want to offer alcohol....I gleaned he thought THAT was too expensive too. Then he started "complaining" that he didn't know where I put our son's toys in a taunting way...his voice was soft but I knew he was trying to provoke me and I said, "X...you're speaking to me in a tone that is not very nice and menacing....and I think you're trying to provoke me"..(and yes I was whining at the time) all this BEFORE my guests got here!!!
He turned it around and said with a smile: YOU are talking to ME in a nasty tone...listen to YOU!!! so I ended up "apologizing" for the sake of there being peace and he apologized too...but I can't get why he needed to start a fight...

I can't understand WHY he did this...all I can think is that he didn't want our guests here......if this were HIS family (ie, niece nephew..of COURSE he would turn on the heat for the pool and offered beer/wine for the rest of the family)...

He was not rude during that time....he was friendly....but rude to me again...here I am DREADIGN my vacation with my hubbby!

Yesterday he was all glorious...telling me how happy he is being married to me and planning our 5 year wedding anniversary (ie, trip to Carribbean w/ our son)...don't get how someone can be so cuttting and mean and then so loving the next day....

Could anyone offer advice as to how I could have handled differently? I didn't think I could call this off right before our guests were due to arrive!

my therapist said "take this time to see how he behaves during the vacation" before suggesting marriage counseling




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