Can't find forgiveness

8 weeks ago I caught my husband of 19 years (2kids)having sex with my friend on our family campling trip. I came to learn that thier affair has been going on for a year. They had sex in my house when I was asleep in my bed, when I was I away at work. They use to met during the day at parks and have sex in the car. They had a secret email box that they sent back about 100 emails a month to each other. Sometimes they would met just to talk about thier days and thier realtionships (she is married also). I also found out that he (42) had sex with a 24 yr old during the corse of this past year, and that 5 yrs ago he hooked up with another friend of mine in the bathroon at a party (2x). This women (and I use that term losely when referring to her), I thought was my good friend, I was there for her wedding, her childbirth, death in her families. During thier affair I though something was going on and was trying to withdrawal from our friendship, but my husband insisted I should be her friends and encourage me to have girls nights out with her. He even talked me into inviting her on the "D" day camping trip. I am realizing now that was just away to have her close. He says he is sorry and is in therapy (as am I)and claims it is over. He thinks we can rebuild our realtionship to be stronger from this, but I don't feel the same. It is all I think about every day, all day. When I look at him it is all I see. 19 yrs together and 2 kids is a long time, but I can't forgive him. I feel bad for my kids and I feel like I am ruining thier lives now because I am not trying to repair the realtionship. But to me it is beyound repair. I have tried over the past 8 weeks to think about forgiveness and how to rebuild trust, but I can't. How can I make him understand that the circumstances of the affair are too much for one person to forgive and move past? How can he do this and not get that our marriage is over?

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