My husband and I have been together for 9 years and married for 5. I love him very much, but I feel he is not treating me with respect. He has hid things from me, lied to me, and is very manipulative to get what he wants. He doesn't cheat, drink, do drugs, or cause physical harm to me but I feel I put way more into this relationship than he does. He barely lifts a finger around the house. I ask very little of him, but when I do it never gets done no matter how important it is. He always claims he forgot. It was a mutual decision for me to go back to school (on top of working full time), yet he still doesn't help around the house. He wants my teenage kids to help instead. Sure they can help, but he should too. He will pay people to do things I have asked him to do and doesn't understand why that upsets me. For one, I asked HIM to do it, and two we can't always afford him to pay people to do things he could easily do himself. This makes me feel like I am no t important enough to him to do one small chore for me.
His hiding things from me have caused us to become homeless for a week at one point leaving me to rely on friends to take in my children during that time while we had to move everything we owned into a storage unit and find an apartment quickly. All of this was caused by him talking me into renting a house I told him we could not afford. He said he was paying the rent, but I found out he was very behind when the landlord drove 8 hours from out of state, knocked on my door and said he was not returning her calls or emails and we had two days to get out. Looking back on it, I should have left him then. That was the worst day of my life and I don't wish that feeling on anyone.
Recently, he did not work for an entire year, never left the house, and still didn't help around the house. He is back to work now and does give me money for rent, but I don't know what he does with the rest of his money, but I'm guessing he gives it to his mother who is gambling it away rather than helping us save for our future goals. I know he isn't saving it because he is continuosly running out of money.
He can't be trusted with a debit card or credit card so I had to close our joint account a few years ago and get one in my own name. He only has a savings account, but has used my card for subscriptions that keep coming out of my account. One is an online virtual game that seems to be costing me about $80 a month and he refused to cancel it when he wasn't working and we couldn't afford it.
Today something has really set me off again. He had given an old car to his adult son over a year ago and I told him he needed to sign the title over to him so we could drop it from our insurance and he could insure it himself. I also didn't want his son driving around a car that legally belonged to us and on our insurance because his son totalled one of our cars very shortly before this and I don't want to be responsible if something happens again. That accident caused MY insurance rates to rise because it was covered under MY insurance policy. My husband told me one day that he went over there that day and he signed the title over to his son. Today I found that title in our home. I dropped the insurance on that car about a year ago because I thought it no longer belonged to us. I know the car isn't in my name, but since we are married and something happened, I could be sued too. When I called him at work to confront him about it, he just claimed that he thought he signed i t over, but that it didn't matter because that car hasn't been running for a year anyway. I know it hasn't been running for a while, but it hasn't been that long.
I just don't know what to do. Whenever I try to talk to him about how his actions make me feel, he always turns it around on me. He says he doesn't spend any money on himself and gives all his money to me and helps support my kids. He says he puts my kids needs before his own. My daughter loves him as her own dad, but my son doesn't care for him too much. He is very hard on my son and spoils my daughter, buying her whatever she wants because she gets good grades, even if we can't afford it. My son doesn't get into trouble at school and is genuinely a good kid, but doesn't always get the best grades and refuses to pick up after himself and lies constantly about little things. I think he does these things to spite my husband.
I know this is a long post and I apolgize for that, but I could use all the advice I can get. I really love my husband and really want our marriage to work, but I'm tired of feeling like I'm constantly being taken advantage of.
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