I have 2 beautiful daughters (9 and 6) with my wife (Betty). We've been separated for over 2 years, but we're still not divorced yet. I've been seeing someone else the entire time, but we just broke up. We also have a 1 year old daughter. She, Megan, is the woman I love and want to grow old with but she doesn't trust me and probably never will. I can't blame her. Our relationship is based entirely on lies. Be forewarned, I'm going to describe some pretty horrible sh!t that I have done...
I met Megan online about 2.5 years ago. At the time, I was 41 and she was 26. I lied to her and told her I was single, 31, and no kids. I'm a terrific liar. I'm paid to do it for a living and I'm very good at it. I'm also very calculating. I rented an apartment and furnished it. I waited for my wife and kids to leave the country for a month, and I proceeded to lineup about 15-20 dates while they were gone. Basically, I had decided I was miserable in my marriage but didn't want to hurt my kids by leaving my wife unless the grass actually was greener on the other side. My foray into online dating was to audition replacements. Megan was the winner. She is young, beautiful, and intelligent, but has low self esteem because she was raised by a single mom who was a horrible human being. We dated about a month before I started revealing the truth. Of course, I withheld lots of details and only fessed up when I had to. She immediately broke it off with me, but would always come back, until I confessed about the next lie. She'd tell me I was a POS and that she never wanted to see me again but a week later would text me stating how angry she was - and that inevitably would end up with makeup sex. In retrospect, I'm amazed that someone with so much going for her, would settle for a POS like me. I honestly didn't see the relationship lasting so I confessed to my wife, told her I'd stop seeing Megan, and agreed to go to counseling to work on our marriage. I never stopped seeing Megan, and basically duped the counselor and Betty for a year. The bomb dropped when Megan got pregnant - to this day I think she did it intentionally to force my hand. All this time, I can't bring myself to file for divorce because I don't want to hurt my kids. If we didn't have kids, I would have left Betty for Megan in a second. No hesitation. The problem I have, is that I've created such a poster perfect childhood for my two daughters, I just can't bring myself to ruin it. They liv e in a huge brand new house, in a very affluent neighborhood with terrific schools, with a nanny, and mommy doesn't have to work. It all goes away if we divorce. I used to work 80-100 hours/week because I had a sexless marriage and preferred being at the office than home. I've basically stopped making money to find the time to keep up the double life. I'm also horrible unproductive when I live with Megan - too much sex and laying in bed watching TV... I've literally burned through $500K including my retirement account to keep paying for everything. My girls idolize me, which is now something I feel horrible about now because Betty has become very bitter and they have no idea why she is so mean to Daddy. I hate that they always side with me but I can't say anything. I told Betty about the baby and I thought for sure she would divorce me. Instead, she wants me to payoff Megan to disappear from our lives and for all the girls to never meet.
So here I am now, another year later, and Megan has finally left me because I still haven't filed for divorce. I'm the one who ruined her probably for life, but I'm scared to commit to her because she's so damn unstable. Last month she got arrested for domestic violence because vandalized my car, trashed our apartment, and kicked and punched me in a fit of rage. Now she's running scared because CPS is threatening to take our daughter away from her - which would be a pity because she's a very good mom when I'm not around. I make her miserable and crazy because she hates me but loves me and can't live without me. Since I told Betty about the baby, I've come clean with Megan and have been 100% honest with her. It sucks to now be constantly telling the truth but to never be believed. She's convinced every time I go away on a business trip or work late, that I'm cheating on her.
At this point, I think I'm going to proceed with filing for the divorce. If Megan and I don't reconcile, I'll cohabitate with my wife until the girls are both in college then announce the divorce to the girls. I'm very good at keeping up facades. If somehow Megan and I are able to reconcile, at least the divorce will be out of the way. But I still have no idea how to deal with this demand by Betty that the kids never meet. I did some horrible things to get us all in the situation, but I've come clean and am trying to do the right thing the past year. The problem is both women are now acting horribly irrational and are making it impossible for me to move forward.
I chose my screen name because I just finished Mad Men. Megan had seen it before but asked me to watch it with her. It didn't take long for me to figure out why. I'm so much like Don Draper it's scary. We think and behave exactly alike. Megan's last text to me before she went silent and blocked me on Facebook was a reference to the show. "He (Don) ends up miserable in the end. Everybody moves on without him and he ends up all alone..."
I met Megan online about 2.5 years ago. At the time, I was 41 and she was 26. I lied to her and told her I was single, 31, and no kids. I'm a terrific liar. I'm paid to do it for a living and I'm very good at it. I'm also very calculating. I rented an apartment and furnished it. I waited for my wife and kids to leave the country for a month, and I proceeded to lineup about 15-20 dates while they were gone. Basically, I had decided I was miserable in my marriage but didn't want to hurt my kids by leaving my wife unless the grass actually was greener on the other side. My foray into online dating was to audition replacements. Megan was the winner. She is young, beautiful, and intelligent, but has low self esteem because she was raised by a single mom who was a horrible human being. We dated about a month before I started revealing the truth. Of course, I withheld lots of details and only fessed up when I had to. She immediately broke it off with me, but would always come back, until I confessed about the next lie. She'd tell me I was a POS and that she never wanted to see me again but a week later would text me stating how angry she was - and that inevitably would end up with makeup sex. In retrospect, I'm amazed that someone with so much going for her, would settle for a POS like me. I honestly didn't see the relationship lasting so I confessed to my wife, told her I'd stop seeing Megan, and agreed to go to counseling to work on our marriage. I never stopped seeing Megan, and basically duped the counselor and Betty for a year. The bomb dropped when Megan got pregnant - to this day I think she did it intentionally to force my hand. All this time, I can't bring myself to file for divorce because I don't want to hurt my kids. If we didn't have kids, I would have left Betty for Megan in a second. No hesitation. The problem I have, is that I've created such a poster perfect childhood for my two daughters, I just can't bring myself to ruin it. They liv e in a huge brand new house, in a very affluent neighborhood with terrific schools, with a nanny, and mommy doesn't have to work. It all goes away if we divorce. I used to work 80-100 hours/week because I had a sexless marriage and preferred being at the office than home. I've basically stopped making money to find the time to keep up the double life. I'm also horrible unproductive when I live with Megan - too much sex and laying in bed watching TV... I've literally burned through $500K including my retirement account to keep paying for everything. My girls idolize me, which is now something I feel horrible about now because Betty has become very bitter and they have no idea why she is so mean to Daddy. I hate that they always side with me but I can't say anything. I told Betty about the baby and I thought for sure she would divorce me. Instead, she wants me to payoff Megan to disappear from our lives and for all the girls to never meet.
So here I am now, another year later, and Megan has finally left me because I still haven't filed for divorce. I'm the one who ruined her probably for life, but I'm scared to commit to her because she's so damn unstable. Last month she got arrested for domestic violence because vandalized my car, trashed our apartment, and kicked and punched me in a fit of rage. Now she's running scared because CPS is threatening to take our daughter away from her - which would be a pity because she's a very good mom when I'm not around. I make her miserable and crazy because she hates me but loves me and can't live without me. Since I told Betty about the baby, I've come clean with Megan and have been 100% honest with her. It sucks to now be constantly telling the truth but to never be believed. She's convinced every time I go away on a business trip or work late, that I'm cheating on her.
At this point, I think I'm going to proceed with filing for the divorce. If Megan and I don't reconcile, I'll cohabitate with my wife until the girls are both in college then announce the divorce to the girls. I'm very good at keeping up facades. If somehow Megan and I are able to reconcile, at least the divorce will be out of the way. But I still have no idea how to deal with this demand by Betty that the kids never meet. I did some horrible things to get us all in the situation, but I've come clean and am trying to do the right thing the past year. The problem is both women are now acting horribly irrational and are making it impossible for me to move forward.
I chose my screen name because I just finished Mad Men. Megan had seen it before but asked me to watch it with her. It didn't take long for me to figure out why. I'm so much like Don Draper it's scary. We think and behave exactly alike. Megan's last text to me before she went silent and blocked me on Facebook was a reference to the show. "He (Don) ends up miserable in the end. Everybody moves on without him and he ends up all alone..."
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment