I think I've posted once before about some issues we had that we seemed to kind of navigate through a few years ago. We have now been married for 10 years. But I've hit a point of restlessness and confusion over how I really feel anymore.
I do love my husband, but I just don't know if this love is that "in love" love or just a deep caring for him since we have been a major part in each other's lives. He was my first love and I think I was his. He does do some sweet things for me still like caressing my face, getting me coffee, playing with my hair, and rubbing my back (I dig that kind of small stuff). But we are so far apart when it comes to sex. He's a once or twice a month kind of guy and I want it at least once or twice a week. I catch myself fantasizing about being with another man with a HD that I have the opportunity to seduce without fear of rejection who makes me feel sexy and desired again. This is were that restlessness feeling starts I think. I always feel like I want to be doing something, anything, other than what we do on a daily basis. I'm so bored with our lives, but everything I suggest we do he turns down unless it's disc golf. But even that I'm a little bored with.
Also, we don't like the same foods so we tend to fight a lot over that. And I can't get him to go to 90% of the restaurants in town. So when we eat out of it doesn't have a drive thru or a lot of tv with sports on we don't go there. I don't like most fast food places. And he never compliments me (even though he does that other sweet stuff it drives me crazy to never hear him say nice things to me). I've told him several times that I would like more compliments, but he still never does. I get maybe 2 a year.
I didn't mean to turn this into a rant but at least you are able to see that I think my confusion (mixed with my crazy) are toxic to us. Maybe I'm a little depressed and that is what's feeding this negativity, but how do I know? How can one tell when its time to move on or try harder? I honestly can't tell what my true feelings are. I have some moments where I absolutely adore him and his company, but I just can't tell if it's because I am still in love or if it's just that hes like my best friend. So what do I do to figure it out?
I do love my husband, but I just don't know if this love is that "in love" love or just a deep caring for him since we have been a major part in each other's lives. He was my first love and I think I was his. He does do some sweet things for me still like caressing my face, getting me coffee, playing with my hair, and rubbing my back (I dig that kind of small stuff). But we are so far apart when it comes to sex. He's a once or twice a month kind of guy and I want it at least once or twice a week. I catch myself fantasizing about being with another man with a HD that I have the opportunity to seduce without fear of rejection who makes me feel sexy and desired again. This is were that restlessness feeling starts I think. I always feel like I want to be doing something, anything, other than what we do on a daily basis. I'm so bored with our lives, but everything I suggest we do he turns down unless it's disc golf. But even that I'm a little bored with.
Also, we don't like the same foods so we tend to fight a lot over that. And I can't get him to go to 90% of the restaurants in town. So when we eat out of it doesn't have a drive thru or a lot of tv with sports on we don't go there. I don't like most fast food places. And he never compliments me (even though he does that other sweet stuff it drives me crazy to never hear him say nice things to me). I've told him several times that I would like more compliments, but he still never does. I get maybe 2 a year.
I didn't mean to turn this into a rant but at least you are able to see that I think my confusion (mixed with my crazy) are toxic to us. Maybe I'm a little depressed and that is what's feeding this negativity, but how do I know? How can one tell when its time to move on or try harder? I honestly can't tell what my true feelings are. I have some moments where I absolutely adore him and his company, but I just can't tell if it's because I am still in love or if it's just that hes like my best friend. So what do I do to figure it out?
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