After years of trying to keep my marriage alive, I finally realised I was banging my head against a brick wall, gave up and filed for divorce. I've got my decree nisi and will apply for the decree absolute when the financial arrangement is agreed. We had a buyer for our house and although it is extremely difficult living under the same roof, I was hanging on, knowing that the end was in sight.
However, our buyer has 'disappeared' and the house is back on the market with no current interest as August is a quiet month. My STBEx is angry that I am divorcing him, he constantly says 'I can't believe what you've done to me' and says I have ruined our children's future. They are 19 and 21 and are happy that I am seeking a divorce and looking forward to living in a happy home where their friends are welcome (he doesn't allow visitors into our home). I think he thought he could make no effort (no physical or emotional intimacy for years, no socialising, etc) and yet maintain the status quo so feels aggrieved that I chose to end things. He is becoming increasingly drunk and abusive toward me and the girls. I was pushed out of the bedroom about 2 years ago and have nowhere to sleep; he controls the space, the living room, the TV, etc. The girls and I keep out of his way and try not to make him angry.
I don't want to leave; firstly because I have every right to be here and I need a roof over my head; secondly, because I worry about what he will do to the house and how he might jeopardise any potential sale. I need to keep a close eye on things and keep the house clean and well maintained to secure a sale; thirdly, I do not want to waste money on rent that could go towards buying a better house and future for me and the girls. He is stubborn and won't leave - which is fair enough as its his house too.
I'm trying to be reasonable with him but feel it is like trying to appease a madman. I was putting up with things whilst the sale was going through and I could see light at the end of the tunnel, but now it's fallen through, I'm starting to feel depressed - my low days are becoming more frequent. The girls and I just want to get on with our lives but he is making home life incredibly unpleasant and can't seem to accept that the relationship is over, or indeed that it has been dead for a long time.
The divorce will likely be final next month and I feel that he still won't accept it then. He doesn't seem to grasp what divorce means. I can't understand this as he didn't want a relationship with me and didn't do anything despite my repeated attempts to discuss things, refused to come to counselling with me, just stonewalled all my efforts.
So next month we will be divorced, yet everything will be the same??
What advice can you give me to get me through the next six months to a year before the house is sold and we can finally move on?
However, our buyer has 'disappeared' and the house is back on the market with no current interest as August is a quiet month. My STBEx is angry that I am divorcing him, he constantly says 'I can't believe what you've done to me' and says I have ruined our children's future. They are 19 and 21 and are happy that I am seeking a divorce and looking forward to living in a happy home where their friends are welcome (he doesn't allow visitors into our home). I think he thought he could make no effort (no physical or emotional intimacy for years, no socialising, etc) and yet maintain the status quo so feels aggrieved that I chose to end things. He is becoming increasingly drunk and abusive toward me and the girls. I was pushed out of the bedroom about 2 years ago and have nowhere to sleep; he controls the space, the living room, the TV, etc. The girls and I keep out of his way and try not to make him angry.
I don't want to leave; firstly because I have every right to be here and I need a roof over my head; secondly, because I worry about what he will do to the house and how he might jeopardise any potential sale. I need to keep a close eye on things and keep the house clean and well maintained to secure a sale; thirdly, I do not want to waste money on rent that could go towards buying a better house and future for me and the girls. He is stubborn and won't leave - which is fair enough as its his house too.
I'm trying to be reasonable with him but feel it is like trying to appease a madman. I was putting up with things whilst the sale was going through and I could see light at the end of the tunnel, but now it's fallen through, I'm starting to feel depressed - my low days are becoming more frequent. The girls and I just want to get on with our lives but he is making home life incredibly unpleasant and can't seem to accept that the relationship is over, or indeed that it has been dead for a long time.
The divorce will likely be final next month and I feel that he still won't accept it then. He doesn't seem to grasp what divorce means. I can't understand this as he didn't want a relationship with me and didn't do anything despite my repeated attempts to discuss things, refused to come to counselling with me, just stonewalled all my efforts.
So next month we will be divorced, yet everything will be the same??
What advice can you give me to get me through the next six months to a year before the house is sold and we can finally move on?
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