Yes, I think I finally got to that phase for a couple of weeks.
I have been remembering things that just tell me "you don't deserve it" and feeling/thought keeps in my mind. As for example... - He was a H that when we were coming back home at night didnt go after me, I was left behind since he drives faster. - Can't remember a single time he talked about our future - Doesnt like the things I like; which can be ok, but didnt make a single effort to join me which I always tried to do until about a month before we separated - Got mad at me because I was slower than him climbing/coming down up/down a volcano trip - If I got angry at something he yelled "DONT YELL TO ME LIKE THAT!!!" - I said I would like to visit my daughter abroad if she decided to raise her family in another country... he said that it was not of his interest to go - 2 stays at the hospital without his visitatitions - I did go alone to visit my kids abroad without him - I did go to a dream trip and told him by phone I would love to celebrate our 25th anniversary there... silence... - Once we went to a concert and I passed out in bed after returning; he told me after like 2 months when I asked what was wrong with our sex life that he was not happy with our sex life because I wasn't "available" during that night ... - And much more to add during these 2 years of separation.
Not blaming him but me partially for letting it all going through. He was not into the M as I was. I took my roles as mom, wife, business woman very seriously, but that was ME. He might be going otherway.
Just today, I had to go and make line for 4 hours for a car name change which he did for the other cars of the company but didnt include mine... his feeling at the time? I dont know, but means something.
SO...
I am really getting tired, or already got. To the point where I am ready to sign those papers now, unfortunately there is still one more month to go.
I found out what I have been missing is the company of someone, the "marriage" status. But not him.
Care about him? Yes. But not as a husband.
I just hope I have the opportunity in my life to have the experience of enjoying a reciprocate relationship; cause what I have had is a codependence relation.
Have a great weekend!
I have been remembering things that just tell me "you don't deserve it" and feeling/thought keeps in my mind. As for example... - He was a H that when we were coming back home at night didnt go after me, I was left behind since he drives faster. - Can't remember a single time he talked about our future - Doesnt like the things I like; which can be ok, but didnt make a single effort to join me which I always tried to do until about a month before we separated - Got mad at me because I was slower than him climbing/coming down up/down a volcano trip - If I got angry at something he yelled "DONT YELL TO ME LIKE THAT!!!" - I said I would like to visit my daughter abroad if she decided to raise her family in another country... he said that it was not of his interest to go - 2 stays at the hospital without his visitatitions - I did go alone to visit my kids abroad without him - I did go to a dream trip and told him by phone I would love to celebrate our 25th anniversary there... silence... - Once we went to a concert and I passed out in bed after returning; he told me after like 2 months when I asked what was wrong with our sex life that he was not happy with our sex life because I wasn't "available" during that night ... - And much more to add during these 2 years of separation.
Not blaming him but me partially for letting it all going through. He was not into the M as I was. I took my roles as mom, wife, business woman very seriously, but that was ME. He might be going otherway.
Just today, I had to go and make line for 4 hours for a car name change which he did for the other cars of the company but didnt include mine... his feeling at the time? I dont know, but means something.
SO...
I am really getting tired, or already got. To the point where I am ready to sign those papers now, unfortunately there is still one more month to go.
I found out what I have been missing is the company of someone, the "marriage" status. But not him.
Care about him? Yes. But not as a husband.
I just hope I have the opportunity in my life to have the experience of enjoying a reciprocate relationship; cause what I have had is a codependence relation.
Have a great weekend!
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment