Hello, and please excuse my poor grammar English. English isn't my native language, and sorry for the long post.
I got myself into a situation where I feel that being with this guy is emotionally torturing him, and the more I fall for him, the more I don't want to see him like this. If possible to give me some advice, greatly appreciated.
He is a guy in my neighborhoood. Given our close distance, mutual feelings developed, we had a chance to get to know each other pretty well, become friends. He chase hard for many months, very persistent, and he really caring and protective too, he wouldn't even let me carried a light bag of groccery. His persistent touch me, and I accept him.
We both in our late twenties, and both are U.S citizens, he born in USA, and I came to USA when I was little, I'm a naturalized U.S citizen. We both are Financial independent, eventhough we not rich, but we both have our own jobs, and our own place. So to be honest, we not using each others for anything. We together simply because of our mutual feelings we have for one another.
He is a good guy, he cares and treats me the same as day 1 till now. I thought guys would get bored after they got the girl, but his love is very stable, and very steady affection, the daily things he do for me to show me that he cares. He did alot actually, but sometimes I overlook it, because it the small details things.
To repay his affection, I try to be the best Asian girlfriend that I can. Even when he get off work late at night, I still cook him his late dinner, so he can always have food to eat.
I also learn how to cook his favorite dishes from his mom, learn how to make different 'Soul Food" recipes that he likes. I am also respectful and helpful to his mom, fortunately his parents likes me and support we together despite our cultural differences.
I know people would say girls should not rush into cooking for their boyfriend, but this guy is not a stranger, we live in the same neighborhood and we were friends before dating.
I am financially independent on my own, and I don't live with my parents, so to be frank, my parents can't control who I date. I also did go against them, and choose him anyways, despite I know they dislike him. Eventhough I don't live with my parents, I can't just cut them off completely from my life, I do visit them two-three times a month.
The problem... my old Asian traditional, rigid, close minded parents are very Disrespectful to my him, simply because of his skin color, and their bad stereotypes against him. He is fully aware of this, and we had a long long talk about this before we decided to get together.
I want to be fair to him, and make sure he knows what he facing ahead. He is very understanding and doesn't mind. But seriously, what kind of guy would be happy if their girl's parents are direspectful to them? Deep down inside I know he is NOT happy.
He have a rough childhood, he grow up in an environment full of gangs, drugs and shooting. So he is a tough guy and sure can have a temper too, But for him to ignore his pride and ego just to be with me, it say alot about his feelings for me.
Worser problem is his mom doesn't know how my parents treats him. Both us haven't talk to her yet .. about my parents 'disapproval' her son being my bf. Now holiday is coming up, and his mom wants to meets my parents. Now if she knows how badly my parnts view her son, I'm not even sure if she still let him date me.
Mother all love their son, she wil get upset about this. What kind of mother would be happy if they know their son is being disrespect just because of his skin color?
My boyfriend wants to face this, he say we can't hide it from his mom forever. But me, I am just running away from the problem. We tried before to come up with excuses saying my parents are busy this busy that, etc... but now is holiday time, the time of family get together, can't say now my parents are still too busy for one dinner.
I think his mom sense something is not right, as now she keep pressing it to meet my parents.
All these is making me feel terrible. I feel that I am a bad girlfriend, and I feel he should go look for another girl to be with. I'm sure there are other girls out there who have parents that would go pass his skin color and treated him with respect.
Trust me, I try to be the best gf that I can, I really want the best for him, even if that means he dump me.
Once, I want to end all this emotional torture, for his own shake. I refused to talk to him, refuse to see him, ignore his phone calls. Then he would wait for me hours outside my apartment stairs, he said he won't leave until I step outside and talk it out with him. And if I didn't open my door to check on him, he probably still continue waiting outside my staircase all night.
For a guy to get to that extreme, he clearly doesn't want to break up.
I know me running away from the problems is not good way to deal with it, but I am afraid his mother will start to hate me after she knows how my parents vire him. Is she going to stop her son from seeing me? My parents already prevent us from being together, it is now his mom turn to prevent us from being together too?
I feel that being with him is torturing him emotionally/mentally. Am I? We both have feelings for each others strong enough, but why do I feel that I am torturing him by putting him through all this.
I really don't know what to do, or how to correct myself to be the good girlfriend that worth it enough for him. It just so hard and painful to be together, we just torturing ourselves. He thinks it not torture, but I think it is.
If you were him, would you continue be with a gf like this? How would you deal with a situation like this?
I got myself into a situation where I feel that being with this guy is emotionally torturing him, and the more I fall for him, the more I don't want to see him like this. If possible to give me some advice, greatly appreciated.
He is a guy in my neighborhoood. Given our close distance, mutual feelings developed, we had a chance to get to know each other pretty well, become friends. He chase hard for many months, very persistent, and he really caring and protective too, he wouldn't even let me carried a light bag of groccery. His persistent touch me, and I accept him.
We both in our late twenties, and both are U.S citizens, he born in USA, and I came to USA when I was little, I'm a naturalized U.S citizen. We both are Financial independent, eventhough we not rich, but we both have our own jobs, and our own place. So to be honest, we not using each others for anything. We together simply because of our mutual feelings we have for one another.
He is a good guy, he cares and treats me the same as day 1 till now. I thought guys would get bored after they got the girl, but his love is very stable, and very steady affection, the daily things he do for me to show me that he cares. He did alot actually, but sometimes I overlook it, because it the small details things.
To repay his affection, I try to be the best Asian girlfriend that I can. Even when he get off work late at night, I still cook him his late dinner, so he can always have food to eat.
I also learn how to cook his favorite dishes from his mom, learn how to make different 'Soul Food" recipes that he likes. I am also respectful and helpful to his mom, fortunately his parents likes me and support we together despite our cultural differences.
I know people would say girls should not rush into cooking for their boyfriend, but this guy is not a stranger, we live in the same neighborhood and we were friends before dating.
I am financially independent on my own, and I don't live with my parents, so to be frank, my parents can't control who I date. I also did go against them, and choose him anyways, despite I know they dislike him. Eventhough I don't live with my parents, I can't just cut them off completely from my life, I do visit them two-three times a month.
The problem... my old Asian traditional, rigid, close minded parents are very Disrespectful to my him, simply because of his skin color, and their bad stereotypes against him. He is fully aware of this, and we had a long long talk about this before we decided to get together.
I want to be fair to him, and make sure he knows what he facing ahead. He is very understanding and doesn't mind. But seriously, what kind of guy would be happy if their girl's parents are direspectful to them? Deep down inside I know he is NOT happy.
He have a rough childhood, he grow up in an environment full of gangs, drugs and shooting. So he is a tough guy and sure can have a temper too, But for him to ignore his pride and ego just to be with me, it say alot about his feelings for me.
Worser problem is his mom doesn't know how my parents treats him. Both us haven't talk to her yet .. about my parents 'disapproval' her son being my bf. Now holiday is coming up, and his mom wants to meets my parents. Now if she knows how badly my parnts view her son, I'm not even sure if she still let him date me.
Mother all love their son, she wil get upset about this. What kind of mother would be happy if they know their son is being disrespect just because of his skin color?
My boyfriend wants to face this, he say we can't hide it from his mom forever. But me, I am just running away from the problem. We tried before to come up with excuses saying my parents are busy this busy that, etc... but now is holiday time, the time of family get together, can't say now my parents are still too busy for one dinner.
I think his mom sense something is not right, as now she keep pressing it to meet my parents.
All these is making me feel terrible. I feel that I am a bad girlfriend, and I feel he should go look for another girl to be with. I'm sure there are other girls out there who have parents that would go pass his skin color and treated him with respect.
Trust me, I try to be the best gf that I can, I really want the best for him, even if that means he dump me.
Once, I want to end all this emotional torture, for his own shake. I refused to talk to him, refuse to see him, ignore his phone calls. Then he would wait for me hours outside my apartment stairs, he said he won't leave until I step outside and talk it out with him. And if I didn't open my door to check on him, he probably still continue waiting outside my staircase all night.
For a guy to get to that extreme, he clearly doesn't want to break up.
I know me running away from the problems is not good way to deal with it, but I am afraid his mother will start to hate me after she knows how my parents vire him. Is she going to stop her son from seeing me? My parents already prevent us from being together, it is now his mom turn to prevent us from being together too?
I feel that being with him is torturing him emotionally/mentally. Am I? We both have feelings for each others strong enough, but why do I feel that I am torturing him by putting him through all this.
I really don't know what to do, or how to correct myself to be the good girlfriend that worth it enough for him. It just so hard and painful to be together, we just torturing ourselves. He thinks it not torture, but I think it is.
If you were him, would you continue be with a gf like this? How would you deal with a situation like this?
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