I am just floored! I was frustrated because she never seemed to be around, but according to her she had tried everything to make me happy and I was too miserable to see it and she was through. She left and moved in with her friend Tina, who conveniently enough had just left her husband.
After a few days I approached my wife asking to talk. We met at a Friday's by my choice because I did not want to argue. I told her that I was willing to do whatever it takes to fix our marriage but that in light of what happened it was apparent that the problem was not all on one side. At first she said she didn't think it would help, but then reluctantly agreed to go. She even offered to reach out to a counselor. I said I would do it and we scheduled an appointment for this coming Wednesday.
While we talked she told me of her immediate plans. Apparently Tina's apartment is a small studio and there is not enough room for two people. So they were going to move to the city and get an apartment. She told me that IF we were able to work this out, at the very least we would need to take a year long hiatus because she would have to sign a years lease and wouldn't want to leave Tina hanging.
In the mean time, I am living in our house, which was a central issue in our relationship (according to her). We live in a rather remote location and she has to drive an hour to get to work everyday. She wanted to move and we had argued about it several times but were never able to get past our own emotions , so the matter was unresolved. I wasn't opposed to the idea of moving, but wanted to make a plan. We would have to list the house and it isn't in show room condition. I also objected to where she wanted to move to as our daughter would still live hours away and will be getting married soon. I suggested we plan a move closer to her. My wife wanted to move sooner but closer to work and said we could always move later. Another issue is that I work from home. My income pays all of the bills and for me to move would require a huge loss in income. To the point of not being able to pay bills. Her salary isn't enough for us to live on. In some of our back and forths (via texts) t his issue was been brought up again. But she only heard that I said NO, she didn't ever hear anything else. I told her this was a great example of the types of issues we could benefit from talking to a counselor about and left it at that.
So I am living in the house and trying to work (I have a home office) and completely unable to function. Everywhere I look, every where I turn I see her. I decided that I could not live in the house by myself. I would not live there thru the holidays with all the memories and ghosts. I can't work here for the same reasons I can't live here. So I made some decisions.
(I know that some of the best advise is to not make a decision on the basis of emotion. I know that my decisions were a reaction, but I do not think they were emotional. Rather I think they are the most logical solution to the situation.
I approached on of my largest customers about employment possibilities on Tuesday. By Friday morning I had a contingent job offer, making more money than I had been. (I have to pass a drug screen and background check - which shouldn't be a problem). As a bonus the job is somewhat flexible. I could work remotely or I could work in the main office (which ideally enough is located near my daughter) I also approached my neighbor about buying our place. They were very interested and came over to look the place over. They reiterated that they were still very interested, we talked money and so far there doesn't seem to be any issue. We left it that we both needed to talk to our partners.
My wife was scheduled to stop by to pick up a few thing later that day and we discussed it. The bottom line was that I couldn't live here without her and she didn't want to live there at all. I also told her about the job offer and she told me congratulations. I reiterated my commitment to go to counseling and do what ever needs to be done to fix our marriage and I asked that she delay her move for one month to see if things could be worked out. She told me that Tina's apartment was just too small and they needed a bigger place. She said that if our marriage was going to be fixed it wouldn't happen in two months and that if I was serious I would need to prove it to her. If after six months it looked like things could work out, she would break her lease. She said her and Tina had discussed that very issue. So we left that we would see each other on Wednesday at counseling.
Then today I had an interesting visitor. Tina's soon to be ex, showed up at my house. He basically told me that Tina had told their son, that this whole thing had been planned. Tina told him several days before my wife left that they were going to get an apartment in the city. She said that my wife knew what buttons to push to provoke an argument and that when that happened she would have the excuse to take off.
Prior to all this my wife had kept me apprised of Tina's situation. She told me that at some point Tina had danced with a guy at a bar one night when they were on a girl's weekend. The guy had called her. When her daughter found out she was very upset and called Tina a ***** and a ****.
Well her ex shed some light on that story. It seems Tina was posting on an on-line dating site and had forgotten to close her computer. Her daughter saw the profile "Looking for fun?". Which is why she called her mother a *****. He also told me that almost all of the other stuff is pure bull and that we were both being lied to.
I know I wouldn't be the first guy and I certainly won't be the last guy, but I absolutely cannot believe that my wife would behave like that or just outright lie, not just to me but to our children. My mind and my heart are telling me she just couldn't do this to our family. Knowing everything I do about my wife, I just can't see how she could do this. She savaged her own sister about this very thing, to the point that they weren't on speaking terms for several years. My first reaction is to confront her with this. Tina's ex even emailed me a link to her profile page. I talked to some friends who said I should wait for the counseling session and see what story she tells there and if she is lies confront her with the facts and she what the fall out is. I don't know what to do. I don't know if my wife is being played by Tina or if I am getting played by both.
After a few days I approached my wife asking to talk. We met at a Friday's by my choice because I did not want to argue. I told her that I was willing to do whatever it takes to fix our marriage but that in light of what happened it was apparent that the problem was not all on one side. At first she said she didn't think it would help, but then reluctantly agreed to go. She even offered to reach out to a counselor. I said I would do it and we scheduled an appointment for this coming Wednesday.
While we talked she told me of her immediate plans. Apparently Tina's apartment is a small studio and there is not enough room for two people. So they were going to move to the city and get an apartment. She told me that IF we were able to work this out, at the very least we would need to take a year long hiatus because she would have to sign a years lease and wouldn't want to leave Tina hanging.
In the mean time, I am living in our house, which was a central issue in our relationship (according to her). We live in a rather remote location and she has to drive an hour to get to work everyday. She wanted to move and we had argued about it several times but were never able to get past our own emotions , so the matter was unresolved. I wasn't opposed to the idea of moving, but wanted to make a plan. We would have to list the house and it isn't in show room condition. I also objected to where she wanted to move to as our daughter would still live hours away and will be getting married soon. I suggested we plan a move closer to her. My wife wanted to move sooner but closer to work and said we could always move later. Another issue is that I work from home. My income pays all of the bills and for me to move would require a huge loss in income. To the point of not being able to pay bills. Her salary isn't enough for us to live on. In some of our back and forths (via texts) t his issue was been brought up again. But she only heard that I said NO, she didn't ever hear anything else. I told her this was a great example of the types of issues we could benefit from talking to a counselor about and left it at that.
So I am living in the house and trying to work (I have a home office) and completely unable to function. Everywhere I look, every where I turn I see her. I decided that I could not live in the house by myself. I would not live there thru the holidays with all the memories and ghosts. I can't work here for the same reasons I can't live here. So I made some decisions.
(I know that some of the best advise is to not make a decision on the basis of emotion. I know that my decisions were a reaction, but I do not think they were emotional. Rather I think they are the most logical solution to the situation.
I approached on of my largest customers about employment possibilities on Tuesday. By Friday morning I had a contingent job offer, making more money than I had been. (I have to pass a drug screen and background check - which shouldn't be a problem). As a bonus the job is somewhat flexible. I could work remotely or I could work in the main office (which ideally enough is located near my daughter) I also approached my neighbor about buying our place. They were very interested and came over to look the place over. They reiterated that they were still very interested, we talked money and so far there doesn't seem to be any issue. We left it that we both needed to talk to our partners.
My wife was scheduled to stop by to pick up a few thing later that day and we discussed it. The bottom line was that I couldn't live here without her and she didn't want to live there at all. I also told her about the job offer and she told me congratulations. I reiterated my commitment to go to counseling and do what ever needs to be done to fix our marriage and I asked that she delay her move for one month to see if things could be worked out. She told me that Tina's apartment was just too small and they needed a bigger place. She said that if our marriage was going to be fixed it wouldn't happen in two months and that if I was serious I would need to prove it to her. If after six months it looked like things could work out, she would break her lease. She said her and Tina had discussed that very issue. So we left that we would see each other on Wednesday at counseling.
Then today I had an interesting visitor. Tina's soon to be ex, showed up at my house. He basically told me that Tina had told their son, that this whole thing had been planned. Tina told him several days before my wife left that they were going to get an apartment in the city. She said that my wife knew what buttons to push to provoke an argument and that when that happened she would have the excuse to take off.
Prior to all this my wife had kept me apprised of Tina's situation. She told me that at some point Tina had danced with a guy at a bar one night when they were on a girl's weekend. The guy had called her. When her daughter found out she was very upset and called Tina a ***** and a ****.
Well her ex shed some light on that story. It seems Tina was posting on an on-line dating site and had forgotten to close her computer. Her daughter saw the profile "Looking for fun?". Which is why she called her mother a *****. He also told me that almost all of the other stuff is pure bull and that we were both being lied to.
I know I wouldn't be the first guy and I certainly won't be the last guy, but I absolutely cannot believe that my wife would behave like that or just outright lie, not just to me but to our children. My mind and my heart are telling me she just couldn't do this to our family. Knowing everything I do about my wife, I just can't see how she could do this. She savaged her own sister about this very thing, to the point that they weren't on speaking terms for several years. My first reaction is to confront her with this. Tina's ex even emailed me a link to her profile page. I talked to some friends who said I should wait for the counseling session and see what story she tells there and if she is lies confront her with the facts and she what the fall out is. I don't know what to do. I don't know if my wife is being played by Tina or if I am getting played by both.
Put the internet to work for you.
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