:confused:
She says that I need to not come here when I trigger. She doesn't get it....I trigger 3 times a day. Coming here and helping others and getting advice and feedback helps a lot. So I told her she has to go back in time and stop herself or erase everything from my brain. Then she stops, cries, says she is so sorry and leaves the room. I don't want her crying, her pity, or her sorrows. They mean nothing to me because the images in my head are more powerful than she could possibly know. She knows I will never trust her the same again and she knows it. She said it will be a constant reminder to her the rest of her life. Either way I told her she will not tell me what to do after what she put me through. I will NEVER do what she did but I will not ever let her lecture me or tell me what she thinks is inappropriate. I think she gets concerned that I go out to lunch with co-workers that are female. In which I am always a professional and a friend and nothing more. But yet and I remin d her that she is the one who invited "him" over to the house for "lunch' during her affair. I remind her that her choices are not mine and she has a hard time with it when it comes to trust because I trusted her so much. It has effected her so much that I do not think she can trust me because of what she did. I told her she should learn to deal with it and she does not get to have a choice. Will have to deal with that the rest of her life too. I then reiterate that she does not want to come and join my side of the party! But I told her if she cannot handle and face with how I have changed, then she is free to have that guy and go be with him. Then she says she only wants me. I heard that once before from her in front of family, friends, and a Church High Priest. Then 12 years later she has an affair and only when she gets rejected by "him" she comes back to me and tells me sorry, mistake, blah....blah....blah and tries to renew vows to me at a restaurant?! IT does not hold much weight in mine eyes. Trust is shattered FOREVER!!!! She will learn to deal with it or she can go to someone else if she cannot handle it and we will end it all. This is the new me and she must learn to accept it or leave it. I do not want it to end but I do not have to live by any rules when it comes to what she thinks is inappropriate. I may consider them but do not have any obligation as she has to learn to trust me. I cannot trust her but I do need her to trust me. Kinda crazy hearing it like that but that's what it is. She wants the "old me" back. He's dead and I can go anywhere online as I damn well please!!!
She says that I need to not come here when I trigger. She doesn't get it....I trigger 3 times a day. Coming here and helping others and getting advice and feedback helps a lot. So I told her she has to go back in time and stop herself or erase everything from my brain. Then she stops, cries, says she is so sorry and leaves the room. I don't want her crying, her pity, or her sorrows. They mean nothing to me because the images in my head are more powerful than she could possibly know. She knows I will never trust her the same again and she knows it. She said it will be a constant reminder to her the rest of her life. Either way I told her she will not tell me what to do after what she put me through. I will NEVER do what she did but I will not ever let her lecture me or tell me what she thinks is inappropriate. I think she gets concerned that I go out to lunch with co-workers that are female. In which I am always a professional and a friend and nothing more. But yet and I remin d her that she is the one who invited "him" over to the house for "lunch' during her affair. I remind her that her choices are not mine and she has a hard time with it when it comes to trust because I trusted her so much. It has effected her so much that I do not think she can trust me because of what she did. I told her she should learn to deal with it and she does not get to have a choice. Will have to deal with that the rest of her life too. I then reiterate that she does not want to come and join my side of the party! But I told her if she cannot handle and face with how I have changed, then she is free to have that guy and go be with him. Then she says she only wants me. I heard that once before from her in front of family, friends, and a Church High Priest. Then 12 years later she has an affair and only when she gets rejected by "him" she comes back to me and tells me sorry, mistake, blah....blah....blah and tries to renew vows to me at a restaurant?! IT does not hold much weight in mine eyes. Trust is shattered FOREVER!!!! She will learn to deal with it or she can go to someone else if she cannot handle it and we will end it all. This is the new me and she must learn to accept it or leave it. I do not want it to end but I do not have to live by any rules when it comes to what she thinks is inappropriate. I may consider them but do not have any obligation as she has to learn to trust me. I cannot trust her but I do need her to trust me. Kinda crazy hearing it like that but that's what it is. She wants the "old me" back. He's dead and I can go anywhere online as I damn well please!!!
Put the internet to work for you.
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