Hey everyone,
It's been a while since I have been here. I will be as brief as possible. Going through some big changes in my life and would appreciate some feedback.
I'm 25 and after 3 years of what I thought was a good marriage, this past May, I came home one day and I my ex moved out. She said she needed space and needed time to think. 2 months go by and then she went on a trip to NY. I stayed faithful thinking she really did just need space and then we would do counselling together as planned. But then she wrote me a series of emails revealing she has been cheating on me for some time and was very unhappy. It has taken me a long time to accept the hard reality that our marriage was not working out and even longer to accept my mistakes in the relationship. I was betaized and totally let her walk all over me many times. I was completely heartbroken. No-one has ever cheated on me. It's quite painful and has been a detriment to my self-worth. After a few vacations, taking counselling from my friends and family, reading No More Mr. Nice Guy and even taking a relationship course with Dr.Glover, I am starting to do much better.
The house is in both of our names and it looks like she is going to be civil with the divorce. She has more to lose then I do. Lol. I can cover the house bills alone, but I found a renter to help out with my debt load. I checked with my lawyer and any income I make after the separation date is all mine, so I am in the clear there. We both don't want to sell the house to each other so in 3 years time when our mortgage is up we will just sell it to strangers and just move on. Although I would fight to keep it because it has the biggest backyard I have ever seen, I don't want to go to court and pay unnecessary costs.
Plus, now that I won't be raising a family right away it makes sense to move into a smaller place with smaller bills and less yard work to occupy my time.
She is paying the mortgage and her rent elsewhere. I know she can't afford it unless she finds a renter where she lives now. She's basically paying rent and house sitting for a friend who is in a different province. Eventually she will either have to move back in, go homeless/stay at a hostel, or stop paying the mortgage to keep living elsewhere and then I could take full possession. If she moved back in, I would not take her back as her husband or lover ever again. Her problem, her loss.
So that's the situation.
I am facing 2 problems these days:
1) She keeps wanting to be friends and I am really struggling with this. I am past the stage where I can't be in her presence without getting emotional. My thoughts are simply; what the hell is the point though? We don't have kids but we have a house together, but even then she's moved all her mail to her new place and she doesn't stop by often anymore. I don't feel binded to her anymore. Ever watch the movie celeste & jessie forever? I feel like part of her secretly hopes to get back together and that is why she wants to stay friends. That, or she thinks I will cave and feel bad for her and let her take the house or something like that. So my question goes primarily to MALES in the same boat. Would you still be friends with your EX if you didn't have to?
2) I am having a lot of trouble figuring out what I want in women apart from sex, and maybe just a chill white girl to smoke some doobs with here and there. I know nobody can tell me what I want, but I seem to be stuck in this "careless" phase and I want it all. Anybody else go through this before? I'd like another monogamous relationship and I'd like kids before I am 30, although I am smart enough to know I should not jump into something so soon and take such risks. I have taken counselling. I am fit, take care of myself, dress well and keep myself busy. I have no problem getting numbers or going on dates or facing rejection. Dr.Glovers books have been a real eye opener for me and honestly have changed my life. My question is this, and anyone can answer it. Despite putting my passions in life first and despite meeting women and having the best sex life I have had in a long time, why do I feel like I am still attracted to every woman I see? Is this ever going to go away? Why do I feel like I won't be happy until I am in a monogamous relationship again? Is serial monogamy a real thing?
It's nice asking people who don't know you for advice.
Thanks! :)
It's been a while since I have been here. I will be as brief as possible. Going through some big changes in my life and would appreciate some feedback.
I'm 25 and after 3 years of what I thought was a good marriage, this past May, I came home one day and I my ex moved out. She said she needed space and needed time to think. 2 months go by and then she went on a trip to NY. I stayed faithful thinking she really did just need space and then we would do counselling together as planned. But then she wrote me a series of emails revealing she has been cheating on me for some time and was very unhappy. It has taken me a long time to accept the hard reality that our marriage was not working out and even longer to accept my mistakes in the relationship. I was betaized and totally let her walk all over me many times. I was completely heartbroken. No-one has ever cheated on me. It's quite painful and has been a detriment to my self-worth. After a few vacations, taking counselling from my friends and family, reading No More Mr. Nice Guy and even taking a relationship course with Dr.Glover, I am starting to do much better.
The house is in both of our names and it looks like she is going to be civil with the divorce. She has more to lose then I do. Lol. I can cover the house bills alone, but I found a renter to help out with my debt load. I checked with my lawyer and any income I make after the separation date is all mine, so I am in the clear there. We both don't want to sell the house to each other so in 3 years time when our mortgage is up we will just sell it to strangers and just move on. Although I would fight to keep it because it has the biggest backyard I have ever seen, I don't want to go to court and pay unnecessary costs.
Plus, now that I won't be raising a family right away it makes sense to move into a smaller place with smaller bills and less yard work to occupy my time.
She is paying the mortgage and her rent elsewhere. I know she can't afford it unless she finds a renter where she lives now. She's basically paying rent and house sitting for a friend who is in a different province. Eventually she will either have to move back in, go homeless/stay at a hostel, or stop paying the mortgage to keep living elsewhere and then I could take full possession. If she moved back in, I would not take her back as her husband or lover ever again. Her problem, her loss.
So that's the situation.
I am facing 2 problems these days:
1) She keeps wanting to be friends and I am really struggling with this. I am past the stage where I can't be in her presence without getting emotional. My thoughts are simply; what the hell is the point though? We don't have kids but we have a house together, but even then she's moved all her mail to her new place and she doesn't stop by often anymore. I don't feel binded to her anymore. Ever watch the movie celeste & jessie forever? I feel like part of her secretly hopes to get back together and that is why she wants to stay friends. That, or she thinks I will cave and feel bad for her and let her take the house or something like that. So my question goes primarily to MALES in the same boat. Would you still be friends with your EX if you didn't have to?
2) I am having a lot of trouble figuring out what I want in women apart from sex, and maybe just a chill white girl to smoke some doobs with here and there. I know nobody can tell me what I want, but I seem to be stuck in this "careless" phase and I want it all. Anybody else go through this before? I'd like another monogamous relationship and I'd like kids before I am 30, although I am smart enough to know I should not jump into something so soon and take such risks. I have taken counselling. I am fit, take care of myself, dress well and keep myself busy. I have no problem getting numbers or going on dates or facing rejection. Dr.Glovers books have been a real eye opener for me and honestly have changed my life. My question is this, and anyone can answer it. Despite putting my passions in life first and despite meeting women and having the best sex life I have had in a long time, why do I feel like I am still attracted to every woman I see? Is this ever going to go away? Why do I feel like I won't be happy until I am in a monogamous relationship again? Is serial monogamy a real thing?
It's nice asking people who don't know you for advice.
Thanks! :)
Put the internet to work for you.
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