So now that I am divorced, have moved to a new city, and am dating a woman I see how all the counseling and such that I went through during my separation has helped.
1) I am far more open-minded and communicate much better with people in general, but in particular with the woman I am dating.
2) I am able to develop relatiolnships with people more broadly and without much focus on how they help "me" in my career or otherwise. I can see people for who they are rather than what they can do for me.
I am back in therapy in my new city because of all the shifts I am going through: dating a person, a new city, a potential career change coming, I have left "church" and consider myself not affiliated with any religion though I am Christian in a vague, loose, liberal sense (e.g., I like the idea of resurrection and renewal as a way to think about the end of the consumption cycle and something beyond capitalist logic...but that is another story).
As I am developing a relationship with a woman now, I see issues arising within myself. I think about whether it will last, or hurting her in the long run and getting hurt. My therapist recommended meditation as a way to ground myself in the day, a serenity practice, and let go of the worries about the future and be happy with what I have today. I like that.
It is in tension with discussions that probably need to happen at some point, however, about the future. If I stay on an academic career path I will likely have to move within a year or two to a new city. She has a house here, and kids, and her ex has an interest in keeping her here so he can see his kids regularly. We have not talked about this at length because we are early in the relationship, just a few brief comments. But as we get closer and closer with each other, I forsee some real heartbreak down the road if I have to move and she stays behind. So do I continue investing in this, not worrying about tomorrow and what it will bring, being content to be happy with her and what we have at the moment as the meditation practice suggests, or do I initiate a discussion about the future and risk having to pull back or end the relationship before it gets really serious out of worry about future hurt?
I don't know if I will get any job offers and if I do when (could be this winter when I get one for Fall 2015, or could be a few years wait, or I may never get one. Getting a job teaching in a university is a stressful process and I see it affecting yet again, another relationship (it destroyed my marriage as I worked my a$$ off to get to the point where my application can be at the top of the pile because I have published a ton and such).
So that is one issue: How do I invest in this place I live, this relationship I have with a wonderful woman who takes my breath away, yet hold it loosely, not worrying about tomorrow, but I do worry...because of the career path I chose...I like teaching, but is it worth it?
Anybody else struggling with this type of thing?
1) I am far more open-minded and communicate much better with people in general, but in particular with the woman I am dating.
2) I am able to develop relatiolnships with people more broadly and without much focus on how they help "me" in my career or otherwise. I can see people for who they are rather than what they can do for me.
I am back in therapy in my new city because of all the shifts I am going through: dating a person, a new city, a potential career change coming, I have left "church" and consider myself not affiliated with any religion though I am Christian in a vague, loose, liberal sense (e.g., I like the idea of resurrection and renewal as a way to think about the end of the consumption cycle and something beyond capitalist logic...but that is another story).
As I am developing a relationship with a woman now, I see issues arising within myself. I think about whether it will last, or hurting her in the long run and getting hurt. My therapist recommended meditation as a way to ground myself in the day, a serenity practice, and let go of the worries about the future and be happy with what I have today. I like that.
It is in tension with discussions that probably need to happen at some point, however, about the future. If I stay on an academic career path I will likely have to move within a year or two to a new city. She has a house here, and kids, and her ex has an interest in keeping her here so he can see his kids regularly. We have not talked about this at length because we are early in the relationship, just a few brief comments. But as we get closer and closer with each other, I forsee some real heartbreak down the road if I have to move and she stays behind. So do I continue investing in this, not worrying about tomorrow and what it will bring, being content to be happy with her and what we have at the moment as the meditation practice suggests, or do I initiate a discussion about the future and risk having to pull back or end the relationship before it gets really serious out of worry about future hurt?
I don't know if I will get any job offers and if I do when (could be this winter when I get one for Fall 2015, or could be a few years wait, or I may never get one. Getting a job teaching in a university is a stressful process and I see it affecting yet again, another relationship (it destroyed my marriage as I worked my a$$ off to get to the point where my application can be at the top of the pile because I have published a ton and such).
So that is one issue: How do I invest in this place I live, this relationship I have with a wonderful woman who takes my breath away, yet hold it loosely, not worrying about tomorrow, but I do worry...because of the career path I chose...I like teaching, but is it worth it?
Anybody else struggling with this type of thing?
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