Do other wives expect a sense of security from their H? He claims locking up is not important to him so I am in charge of checking doors/windows at night and when we leave the house.
He has reluctantly decided to "help" once in a while (if I remind him)--not because he thinks it's important but to be "nice" with my little obsession. Our discussions about this focus on the fact that HE doesn't need to, HE feels perfectly safe, and HE will "tolerate" my "sense of insecurity." As if it were fiction, but he's indulging me.
I feel patronized, not listened to, invalidated (that's bad on its own), but I am also fearful that he does not understand general security issues and particular issues involving women and teenage girls (we have a few daughters).
He admits that his choice not to heed my warnings while we were in Europe resulted in being robbed of all his documents and cash while on an Italian train. This was hugely damaging to our relationship for some time--I felt we were both endangered by his refusal to listen to common sense and I was fairly traumatized.
Should I just accept that he will "help" lock up the house at night, on occasion, just to be nice, and not worry that he thinks I'm being silly? I honestly hate having to be the one to go around to every door and window while he's brushing his teeth. Maybe this is sexist of me. I feel that a man's job, at least in part, is to protect the women of the house.
Other data: We live in a small city in a nicer neighborhood where houses are far apart; most of our neighbors have security systems, and this house was broken into in the past (before us) as evidenced by marks on several doors. I have added steel plates to our doors and extended the deadbolts. We have left doors unlocked on numerous occasions because I thought he locked them, and he had not, and nothing bad has happened. He uses this as evidence that nothing bad ever WILL happen.
I was attacked many years ago in my own home (when I was still single) by a man who had gained entry and hid behind an interior door while I was unloading my car. I'm adding that just for full disclosure in case I sound unreasonably paranoid.
He has reluctantly decided to "help" once in a while (if I remind him)--not because he thinks it's important but to be "nice" with my little obsession. Our discussions about this focus on the fact that HE doesn't need to, HE feels perfectly safe, and HE will "tolerate" my "sense of insecurity." As if it were fiction, but he's indulging me.
I feel patronized, not listened to, invalidated (that's bad on its own), but I am also fearful that he does not understand general security issues and particular issues involving women and teenage girls (we have a few daughters).
He admits that his choice not to heed my warnings while we were in Europe resulted in being robbed of all his documents and cash while on an Italian train. This was hugely damaging to our relationship for some time--I felt we were both endangered by his refusal to listen to common sense and I was fairly traumatized.
Should I just accept that he will "help" lock up the house at night, on occasion, just to be nice, and not worry that he thinks I'm being silly? I honestly hate having to be the one to go around to every door and window while he's brushing his teeth. Maybe this is sexist of me. I feel that a man's job, at least in part, is to protect the women of the house.
Other data: We live in a small city in a nicer neighborhood where houses are far apart; most of our neighbors have security systems, and this house was broken into in the past (before us) as evidenced by marks on several doors. I have added steel plates to our doors and extended the deadbolts. We have left doors unlocked on numerous occasions because I thought he locked them, and he had not, and nothing bad has happened. He uses this as evidence that nothing bad ever WILL happen.
I was attacked many years ago in my own home (when I was still single) by a man who had gained entry and hid behind an interior door while I was unloading my car. I'm adding that just for full disclosure in case I sound unreasonably paranoid.
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